Wanting nothing serious from a date is fine. There are countless reasons why you would want to stay away from emotional stress – you want to focus on your career, spend time with friends and family, or simply avoid other people having expectations of you.
But what if you are finding yourself in a loop of failed tries at establishing a relationship?
Doubts can come crawling into your mind. Was it smart to let some of those amazing guys look elsewhere for something more?
Doubt is normal, but not always useful. Some believe doubt is the creator of magnificent things, others that it leads to down a less favorable path.
See what we think about keeping your options open and how it can affect your dating game, but not without mentioning a few tips to pick yourself up.
We Are Creatures Of Habit
Practice makes perfect, as someone said at one point in time. The more you do something, the better you get at it. Somewhere along the way, it becomes a habit and utterly unintentional to be completely absent during a date.
The guy can be none the wiser for it, but you are conditioning your mind to never even give it a shot. To be honest, if the guy does not realize you are in another dimension, he is not the best choice either way.
However, the one that tries to engage you in conversation will quickly lose interest and find someone who appreciates his time. This does not mean you are a bad person. It is simply a bad habit you taught yourself.
You will probably have to re-learn to listen again if the only person you have been listening to is yourself. I do not mean this in a crazy way. We all need introspection in our lives. As with anything else, too much of it can lead to a bad experience.
Is Everyone That Bad Or Am I Doing Something Wrong?
Our coping mechanisms are potent. A guy you liked or loved might have disappointed you or hurt you, and now you probably feel like every single one of them is ready to exploit your vulnerability.
We often decide to dodge emotional investment, because keeping it physical is a fool-proof way of not getting to know someone. Then, how can you know if everyone is bad when the only person you know well enough is you?
Always start with yourself. What am I doing to make things more enjoyable or worse? No one is in control of your life but you. That being said, keeping your options open is probably not the right choice if you are dreading the prospect of another Groundhog Day date.
You would be surprised at how many guys are in the situation of going on dates not to get laid but put their emotions on the table.
A date without sex is still a date. If you get some emotional relief on a date, it is probably worth more than an X-rated sleepover. You might even feel good knowing you helped someone feel better for a couple of hours.
How Open Are Your Options Really?
We all love looking for the most complicated answer to the simplest questions. If you are in the same situation with every guy you go out with, then you are actually closing your options.
The easiest way out of a meaningful date is to set the limit to physical attraction.
Human brains love patterns, so we create them to make things more predictable. Essentially, you are dating the same person in a different body each time you go out on an “open option” type of date. Waking up the morning after, he is not even an afterthought.
A completely different personality in a guy might spark the long-lost interest you once had in meaningful relationships.
Do not be skeptical about giving your two cents about the burning questions of today. Let them know you are up for a good talk.
Confining yourself to a type that feeds the emotional zombie state of mind is counterproductive if you want dating to bring satisfaction again. Go back to the basics and have fun. That is what brings out the best in both parties.
Snapping Out Of It
If you are busy looking for another match on socials, try lowering the number of prospects, but increasing engagement. Talk to a guy for a few days before setting up a date or reaching a verdict about him. You spend a good amount of time on your phone anyways, so why not see what he is all about.
In case you have more of a hands-on approach, go for a casual lunch with him. You will immediately see whether he is worth the time and effort with a daytime meal offer.
Lunches are an excellent “buffer zone” that guys are cautious of, so it is a safety net in case you decide to bounce.
One more thing that can be an instant game changer is switching up the profile you usually like to date.
Dedicating your time only to the guys that look like a 10 is fine if you are not feeling worn out by the lack of quality dates.
Dropping bad habits is hard. The next time you feel up to a challenge, give the 7/10-looking guy with a 10/10 brain a chance to wake you from your emotional slumber, and scratch your worst itch.
There are men whose worth is not as obvious as a nice drip and a body you consider uncompromisingly attractive. Finding them is not hard if you look in right places. My advice is to keep looking in a different direction. After all, there are plenty of directions to look in.
To End On A Positive Note
Whenever you think it is game over, you should just press the retry button. This time though, change the gameplan. Do not expect things to change while you do the usual routine.
Do not be discouraged if the first different approach proves to be unsuccessful. You will learn about yourself and build on the new experiences. For those to happen, give yourself approval to meet someone different because different does not mean bad.
Finding out that you are the cause of a bad-date run is not negative. It simply means that you control your life for the better or worse. Now that you are aware of your power, go use it to get back to the top.