“I told him to do that. I just wasn’t happy. Every time I tried to talk to you, you’d never text me back. Everyone saw I wasn’t happy and when I’d try to talk to you about the fact that I wasn’t happy, you blew me off. I tried talking to you about it all the time. Sorry – the one time I got to talk to you I didn’t want to fight. Well, if you wanna be friends, we can try that for a while. I don’t care either way. I don’t love you. I don’t wanna be with you.”
That’s the last fight we had. When I saw you afterwards, at a football game in October, you only said, “Oh. Yeah.” as you walked past me with your friends. I wanted to stop you. I wanted to slap you. I wanted to do so many things to you, but I didn’t. Why? Because in the end, you’re not worth it.
So, was leaving me worth it? Was walking away from the one woman who was willing to stay by your side, marry your crazy self, and have your children worth it? I still don’t know exactly what was going through your mind that day.
Sometimes I wish I did, but then I remember how better off I am now. I am forty five minutes away from you and the drama you create. I don’t have to worry about if you’re going to overdose or die from alcohol poisoning. I sleep well at night knowing that it is no longer my problem to worry about getting that phone call. And I know how cruel it seems, but I deserve so much better than that.
If there comes a time when you want to meet, I will kindly decline. I don’t need to go backwards. You will always be one of my first loves, and for that I am grateful. However, you broke my heart many times and I don’t deserve that kind of treatment. I will always love you for the redneck idiot you are, but I can not love you anymore. I need stability and someone with their head on their shoulders. You are never going to be that person. I love you, but I can’t love you anymore.
by Marissa Hall