Domestic abuse is a hot topic nowadays. Even if you think it doesn’t happen a lot, the numbers tell a different story.
According to research, every nine seconds, a woman gets killed by her partner in the USA.
I don’t need to mention that there are women who never ask for help and who are not even in the system.
With that being said, the number of abused women gets even higher.
And you know what? That is devastating. Victims of domestic violence and emotional abuse need a lot of time to get back on track.
They need all the help they can get to accomplish that.
So, before you judge someone or before you think negatively about them, find out more about their life.
We all cope up with our problems in different ways and the last thing we should do is judge each other. If you can’t help, don’t do anything at all.
Domestic violence victims are people who have been broken both physically and emotionally.
They believe they’ll never be the old version of themselves again and that it was their fault or at least partly.
Many women who escaped abusive relationships told me that they were convinced that they did something bad.
They each thought that their partner’s behavior was bad because they didn’t know how to make him happy. But that’s not true.
Your partner shouldn’t beat the hell out of you if you didn’t make lunch.
He shouldn’t yell at you and gaslight you just because you don’t agree with what he thinks.
He shouldn’t make you addicted to him and isolate you from your family and friends.
Because that’s not love. That is abuse. And it’s not healthy.
If you are familiar with all that’s written above and if you have gone through the hell of domestic violence, I’ll try to comfort you and give you some advice on how to overcome the fear.
Hope some of these things will help you move on and start a new chapter of your life.
1. It wasn’t your fault
The very first thing you need to remember is that it wasn’t your fault.
The abuse you’ve gone through only says something about your abuser and not about you. You were just a victim, a woman in love who couldn’t leave for a large amount of reasons.
Just know that you gave everything to make it work. But it was in vain because the other side didn’t want to collaborate.
You need to know that you weren’t the guilty one and you shouldn’t let anyone convince you of the opposite.
Once you accept the fact that you couldn’t do anything but leave, you’ll be one step closer to healing.
2. Forgive them
Don’t do it because they deserve it but because you deserve peace. Once you let go of all that toxic energy, you’ll be ready to move on.
You need to firmly decide that you want a better life for yourself.
You should put yourself first and start working on your own happiness.
Once you forgive your abuser, you won’t think about them so much. By forgiving them, you’ll let go of all the demons that were a part of your life for such a long time.
And trust me, once you are able to do this, you’ll feel much better in your own skin. You will get nothing from revenge or from wishing them the worst.
Don’t worry, they’ll get what they deserve. There is someone up there who sees it all. And He’ll give us all what we deserve.
3. Seek some protection
A good way to overcome fear after surviving domestic violence is by getting some protection.
You can ask for legal help and a restraining order. That way, you’ll be much calmer because you’ll know you’re safe.
Your abuser won’t be able to get close to you and you’ll be able to move on with your life.
Maybe you’ll be so scared that you’ll think he’ll pop up from behind every corner but he won’t.
Once you show him that you have taken all the action you can to protect yourself, he’ll stop fighting it.
He’ll probably move on to another victim and do the same things to her.
Abusers don’t change so don’t think that he’ll ever become a good man.
4. Try therapy
Another good way to overcome the fear is to find a professional therapist who’ll help you get rid of it.
That way, you’ll have someone to talk to, someone who’ll listen to you without judging.
You’ll get all the knowledge you need to heal. This process might take longer than you thought but that’s not so important.
You’re working on yourself and you’re allowed to take as much time as you need. You’ll see that every time you go to therapy, you’ll feel much better.
That’ll be your safe place where you can totally expose yourself.
That’s the place where you can be as vulnerable as you want. It’s a place where nobody will judge you or do you any harm.
That’s a place where you will only get the help that you need to start healing so you can move on.
5. Enroll in a martial arts class for self-defense
One great way to overcome fear after domestic violence is to enroll in a martial arts class.
There are sports like kickboxing, Jiu-Jitsu, Krav Maga and others that can help you get some self-confidence.
After you start training, you’ll be more enthusiastic and you’ll know you did something good for yourself.
Also, you’ll feel more powerful and you’ll know that you can defend yourself if someone attacks you.
Even if this is just a small step forward, it will be a giant leap for you.
You’ll see that after some time you won’t feel any fear and that you’ll be surprised how much better you feel mentally.
Also, there is a chance that you will meet other victims of domestic violence in your training.
You can help each other and be there for each other. That will mean a lot to every one of you.
6. Surround yourself with people you trust
Once you escape a domestic violence relationship, it’ll be hard for you to trust someone after that.
That’s why you should surround yourself with people you trust the most. If you have the need, you can ask your best friend to stay at your place for a couple of days.
That’ll help you feel safer. You’ll know someone is always there for you and that nothing bad can happen to you.
After some time, you’ll feel better and you’ll be able to live on your own.
You won’t be scared that he’ll come and do you harm. You’ll be totally recovered and you’ll never let any man treat you like that.