As much as we would like to ignore it, domestic abuse is real and it’s happening every day. We could be victims without even knowing it, or maybe ignoring it, because not everyone is strong enough to walk away from their abuser.
It’s the person we fell in love with, it’s the person we dedicated our life and time to, and it’s simply impossible to deal with the fact that they’re abusing us. How could they? We were in love once. We’re still in love.
Abuse comes in different ways and forms, but some warning signs are always the same. And if you’re wondering if you’re being abused, there’s a high chance that you might be.
The only person that can answer to that question is you, but to help you get there, we’ve gathered some of the most common warning signs of silent domestic abuse.
1. You’re not upset to argue with your partner—you’re scared
Being upset about argument is okay. You’re upset that the person you love is angry with you. You’re upset that you’re hurt. But if you have a reason to be scared, that’s no longer a healthy relationship.
If you’re more scared of him flipping out, maybe even hitting you, why do you stay? Ask yourself: “Do you really deserve to be with someone who scares you?”
2. You fear your partner’s reaction more than the situation you’re in
Whether it was being late to dinner due to traffic, getting your car bumped or any other minor inconvenience, you’re afraid how your partner will react instead of any other consequence it has on you.
You’re supposed to feel safe in your relationship, instead of worrying all day what could be waiting back home. You should be worrying about your life, instead of about his reactions and his feelings.
You’re thinking more about how not to piss him off than you’re thinking about what’s best for you. And that would be leaving him.
3. There’s no trust
Many relationships fail because there’s no trust. But if he’s constantly making you feel guilty for not trusting him and demands your trust, but he has not given you any reason to trust him, and instead he violates your trust repeatedly, that’s also a form of abuse.
Trust should be earned, not asked for. Does this relationship without trust truly have a future, or are you just postponing the inevitable?
4. You feel like you need their approval all the time
Checking on your partner’s opinions is important in a relationship, but simply because you care for them and you value and respect their opinion.
You see each other as equals, but at the end of the day, you’re doing what’s best for you after all. But, if you feel like constantly needing their approval for every little thing you’re doing and if you’re passing up great opportunities for yourself just because he might be unhappy, angry or upset—STOP.
You got here all by yourself, not needing his approval when you were building yourself up. You don’t need it now. You’re an amazing, strong and smart woman who can do it on your own. There’s no need to put your life on hold for some man who won’t do the same for you.
5. You feel crazy because of them
Gaslighting is a form of abuse in which one person tries to manipulate the other person by twisting and bending the truth to support their own viewpoint.
It could manifest in a form of lying straight to your face or convincing you to believe you’re wrong when you know you’re right. If you start feeling crazy because you don’t even know what you said anymore and who you trust, try to see what lead you here.
What’s the reason why you’re feeling so insecure and crazy all of a sudden? You could find all the signs pointing to your partner.
6. You feel cut off from your friends and family
When we fall in love with someone, it’s normal that we want to spend every single minute together, but with time, it wears off. If he NEEDS to see you, to be with you, and guilt trips you to give up on going out with your friends, that’s unhealthy behavior.
“I made the choice, he never asked me to.” But why did you make it in the first place? If you were looking forward to seeing your friends/family but gave up at the last minute, ask yourself why you did it.
What was the reason you stayed at home with him—again? Guilt tripping is also a form of abuse, and this one sticks with you for a long, long time.
7. When in a fight, you look for the nearest exit
You might brush this off like: “I’m being irrational and silly. He would never hurt me.”
But if you’re constantly on edge during an argument, and you’re planning your escape route, that could be your gut telling you-you’re not safe.
That could be your gut telling you what you don’t want to hear, what you refuse to admit. If you find yourself on edge during your next argument, maybe it’s time to look for that one final exit.