Definition of pistanthropia
Pistanthrophobia is an enormous fear of trusting people because of awful past experiences.
It is that awful feeling of being jealous in a new relationship because someone else hurt you in the previous one.
It doesn’t feel nice when you have trust issues and you can’t relax in a new relationship because your previous partner hurt you in the last one.
It is imagining the worst case scenario in your future relationships even if what you feel is just irrational fear.
This is something that happens to more and more Americans and that’s why many of them have failed relationships. If you’re uncertain whether or not you are suffering from pistanthrophobia, I suggest you check these symptoms and signs that can reveal this issue in time.
Symptoms of pistanthropia
1. You strongly believe that every new partner will hurt you
If you think that every new person in your love life will hurt you, it is a surefire sign that you are suffering from this state.
You have a negative way of thinking because you have been hurt in the past and you simply can’t relax. You think that sooner or later your loved one will hurt you while imagining the worst case scenario in your head.
That’s why you keep your walls up, not letting anyone in and get to know you better. If this state continues for a long time, it can become chronic and you might end up acting cold toward everyone, preventing others from reaching out and getting to know you.
2. You overthink a lot
Overthinking is very common if you are in this state of mind. Even if you try to give your heart to someone, you will need constant reassurance that they love you.
If they go out alone, you will be sick with worry that they will cheat on you. But just because others were cheaters, it doesn’t mean that your loved will act the same.
You need to know that your past experiences do not equate to your future relationships. If you just relax a little bit more, you will see that there is nothing to worry about.
3. You are jealous all the time
If you always doubt that your partner will cheat on you, you won’t be able to live your life to the fullest. Instead of enjoying, you will constantly have trust issues you won’t be able to get rid of.
Yes, intimate relationships are tricky and so many things can happen, but if you keep in a negative frame of mind, you will never be able to enjoy it fully. What you currently feel is irrational fear and it’s not good for you.
If you keep living like that, you will totally close interpersonal contact with your loved one. Later, you will become an isolationist, not being able to cope with past traumas. And I know that is not the life you crave to have.
4. You get attached easily
When suffering from this fear, you will start believing in fairy tales, wishing you could have that kind of love story.
But we all know that fairy tales don’t exist unless you go the extra mile to create them. Your problem is that you get attached easily and you need constant reassurance in your current relationship.
Even if you want a happy relationship, you think negatively so much that you can’t make one.
You want your partner to be your best friend, your lover, and your soulmate the day you meet him, but you don’t think about the time that needs to pass to get there.
5. You assume all people are cheaters
Because of so many trust issues, you constantly think that all men will eventually cheat on you. Your intimate relationships are full of negative thoughts that make you an isolationist and people-hater.
Why many people unfollow you and step aside is because of your negative energy. Your past traumas made a huge impact on your love life and nothing is as simple as it was before.
6. You feel you are not good enough for your partner
Since you have problems trusting people, you will develop the fear that you are not good enough for your partner. It doesn’t happen immediately, but rather along the road after many failed relationships.
You start becoming more and more conscious about the way you look and act, and you believe you are simply not good enough.
You live in constant fear that your partner will fall in love with someone else and you will end up alone.
You have zero trust to your partner, which is the real definition of pistanthrophobia, according to Urban Dictionary.
7. You feel that you will never find real love
Since you’re unable to trust others so easily, you know in advance that it’s hard to find real love. In fact, you strongly believe that no man will ever value you and commit to you fully.
You have that mindset because of bad experiences that happened before. Despite you believing that you’re the only one with these thoughts, there are a lot of Americans who struggle to get rid of this issue.
Meeting new people and getting to know them makes you feel bad because you believe they will take you for granted, especially men.
Even if people close to you, like your best friend, try to convince you that everything is perfectly fine with you, you still won’t believe them.
If you feel that your partner is not what you have imagined, you will instantly close interpersonal contact with him. You won’t even give him a chance to explain anything. And though this is a painful thing to find out, your attitude will be so bad that will make some people unfollow you.
8. You hate meeting people thinking that you won’t like them
When you are in this state of mind, it is not very easy to visit social gatherings and pretend that you like all those people.
Because of bad experiences that happened to you, you believe everybody will hurt you. You simply have problems trusting others and it is very hard to shake the habit. Those who are not familiar with this state find it hard to understand that it is very difficult to develop a happy relationship.
But if you try and get out of your comfort zone, incredible things can happen. Trust me, because I have been there!
Ways to overcome pistanthrophobia
1. Get to know your triggers
If you want to be able to trust others again, especially your love partner, you need to get to know the triggers that make you feel this way.
Once you find out what hurts you the most, try to work on that in everyday life. Step by step, get out of your comfort zone and do things you haven’t yet done.
It will be tough at the beginning, but you’ll learn new things about yourself and you’ll feel much better.
2. Give yourself time
Different people react differently to some things. That’s why you can’t expect that you will overcome this state quickly.
It takes time to get rid of something that has deep roots inside you. Just be patient and give yourself enough time to get to know the new you better.
In that way, you don’t rush and you won’t feel any pressure. Everything will happen when it is supposed to happen and you will finally be able to start a new chapter of your life.
3. If you can’t do it alone, ask for therapy
It is completely fine to ask for help if you feel that you can’t do it alone. Finding a good therapist will make you feel calmer and you’ll know that you did something good for yourself.
This is actually the best way to help yourself because you’ll know exactly what you need to do to be the old version of yourself again.
You won’t believe in fairy tales anymore; you will be aware of the reality around you.
4. Try to think positively
It is hard to switch from a negative mindset to a positive one in no time. That’s why you should work on that every day.
When you are confronted with tough situations, try to work on thinking in a different way to what you used to. I know this is not easy, but you will never get where you want to be if you don’t try.
Once you set yourself free from a negative way of thinking, everything will look much better.
5. Walk away from negative things
If you are constantly surrounded by negativity in your life, you will have more chance to get into depression.
That’s why you should step away from everything that disturbs your peace. If you think there are toxic people in your life, just cut them off. If you don’t like spending time in one place, just move to another.
Pamper yourself, because you have been doing too much for people who don’t deserve it. It is finally time to put yourself first and live the life you’re proud of.
Remember, nothing is impossible if you really want it!
In the end, I just want to say that there are no problems that you can’t solve. You can change your life even if you are 80 years old. It’s never too late for good things.
Hope you will listen to my advice and that you won’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I know that it is hardest to fight against yourself.
But if you win, there isn’t any other battle that you can’t win!