Being vulnerable is hard. It means opening yourself up to the possibility of being emotionally hurt by the people who mean the most to you. Who wants that? To be vulnerable just to see your heart being smacked down on the floor for people to step on, right?
Being vulnerable is something so many people struggle with, because they feel like they will be laughed at if they put their emotions out there for people to see. It’s hard to do that, to be yourself in a world that taught you that what’s on the outside matters more than your emotions.
What we don’t see nowadays is that being vulnerable is the main trait of strong men and women who love without the fear of getting hurt. People who are vulnerable show their true self wherever they are and they don’t put a fake smile on their face when something isn’t OK. They are able to look someone in the eyes and pour their souls out!
This is what being strong actually means.
Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but those two have nothing in common. For me, a bigger weakness is to say that you’re fine without confronting the real issue regarding something.
I was always someone who cared too deeply for people. My previous partners always thought that I was emotionally needy and an attention whore because I was always talking about my feelings no matter how hard it must have been for me and sometimes even for them. But with time I have seen how much strength I have gathered. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still so freaking hard to tell someone how you feel, because the fear of rejection is always present, but there are no consequences in being open. I don’t know about you, but I always regret the things I didn’t say more than the ones that I did. Speaking up for yourself isn’t as hard as it looks. The other day I cried my eyes out in front of my partner, because the fear of losing him (even though everything is fine with us) overcame me and I got a panic attack. I’ve told him about my panic attacks before, but until that point he had never seen one. I started to choke on my own breath and I was paralyzed, just to burst out into tears afterward. He was very confused and I thought that that was it.
He was going to leave because he would be thinking that I was a complete freak. Instead of that, he hugged me and let me cry as much as I needed. He asked just the right questions, which were as simple as, “What just happened?” or, “I would really like to know what was going on through your mind. Can you please tell me?” I have never felt more vulnerable in someone’s arms as I did at that point. Of course I told him everything and that I was afraid of losing him because he means the world to me. We were talking about this for hours and he didn’t let me move out of his hug. After we were done with that topic and he told me that I won’t lose him because he loves me and he said how important I am to him, he told me how much it meant to him to see me this way, to see me vulnerable! I was genuinely surprised. I didn’t expect that. Afterwards, he even told me how brave that was of me.
So I started thinking about my vulnerability and why I was so damn insecure about it. My previous partners actually wanted me to stop telling them about all the feelings I was feeling; they just thought that it was weird and that I was depressed. That’s probably how the fear of my own vulnerability came to life and also the reason why I didn’t stay in a relationship for a longer period of time with any of those toxic people.
If someone tells you that your emotions aren’t worth listening to or that you feel ‘too much’, you should really think about if you want that person to be in your life because they are showing their toxicity and you shouldn’t be around them. Your heart is something very special and everything you do with your emotions is your choice, and your choice only. So don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself, together with your emotions, out there! And every woman who has the same courage is a brave individual and we need even more of you in this world.
To know that you’ve been yourself and that you’ve been loved this entire time for your vulnerability means so much that you can’t imagine. So, put down that fake smile and let people see the real you. Talk about every little thing you fear and all your goals. Believe me, it’ll be worth it, because you’ll find someone who’ll appreciate you and love you just the way you are!