I hate what we have become. I hate that now we’re just another “man breaks girl” story. I never expected this to happen to us, but here we are. Our relationship wasn’t that bad, you know?
We had our ups and downs like everyone else, but what I loved about them was the fact that after downs, our ups were always amazing. But in the end, all we had left were downs. No ups.
I used to love how you made me feel. I felt safe, loved and admired. I had you to love me, so I never did that for myself. I had you to protect me, to take care of me, so I never did it by myself.
And when you left, it was like starting my life all over again. To be honest, I hated you at the time. I hated the fact that you could leave me, but now when I look back, even I would leave myself.
I had to rebuild myself all the way from the beginning. I thought about “us” for so long, that I had to learn to think about “me”.
I had to learn to make myself a priority, to get to know who I truly am, without you, without my family and without my friends. I had to be alone, so I could embrace loneliness.
And let me tell you—being alone is amazing. Rocking that single life like I don’t get to live another day. I even did bungee jumping. Crazy right? I love the new fearless version of myself.
I love this strong and independent new me. New me who quit her old job and is now a writer, something I believed was the craziest dream. New me who now tries to do something different every day.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it doesn’t have to be. Some days a new thing to do is just to take a different route home and see something I could do tomorrow.
Some days I don’t feel like leaving home and facing the world, so a new thing is finding a TV show I never saw before. What I learned is that it’s okay to have bad days, as long as you don’t let them beat you down.
Now, I like the way I feel. I like how you breaking me was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, I feel confident, something I never had with you.
I was always trying to be that perfect girl you imagined, only to lose who I was. I don’t blame you for doing that. You never really pressured me to do it, but I was so insecure I felt if I don’t change, you will leave me.
I made you my only priority, which I swore to never do. You slowly changed me into something I never wanted to be. So, I had to become someone I will admire, love and most of all, respect. And I did a damn good job.