It had been more than two years that I had sex. The person I had been involved with hurt me really badly and I didn’t let anyone approach me afterward.
I felt disgusted and afraid. I also believed that he would repent and come back to me but he never did.
Months had passed and he embraced his life with his new girlfriend but I only saw his face in front of me and no one else.
If Tom Hardy had approached me, I wouldn’t have reacted at all. I only wanted my ex to touch me and no one else.
The fact that his relationship with his new girlfriend progressed well sparked anger in me. I wanted so badly to have sex with random guys but I just couldn’t. Luckily, something always turned me off.
I was afraid that I would get attached to a person I chose randomly for sex and that this person would also hurt me.
Then I had a phase of feeling disgusted toward every guy. It was like my skin got used to not having any contact.
For the first few months, I had trouble adjusting. My body craved sex and I kept talking about it all the time.
I kept watching porn, which didn’t help at all. Every time I went out with the girls, I was looking for my prey but my ex kept popping up in my mind. It kept me safe from all those random guys.
At that time, it felt like I was the most attractive girl in the area. There was this sexual energy around me and everyone could have felt it.
As time passed, this energy decreased. I felt miserable and like I couldn’t attract anyone. And it was true at that time. I really had this toxic energy around me.
I was confused and I couldn’t take anyone or anything seriously. I just existed.
That was the point when I decided to turn the tables. It could have been Uranus in Taurus, I don’t know, but I accepted every situation and every change.
I decided not to have sex with anyone until I knew I had found someone special or at least a relatively reliable person.
What happened afterward was that I started paying attention to people and events around me. I stopped caring about my lack of sex, human contact and emotions and everything that came in that package.
My body didn’t crave it anymore, it adjusted well.
I started to jog even though never before had I got involved in any sports. My body shaped up well and due to the endorphins released during sports, I just felt content.
I met so many great people and started paying attention to myself.
A lot of job opportunities popped up. I felt so powerful. It was like I had taken this raw, primitive need from me and all of a sudden I became so successful and profound, like a Renaissance man.
The most important thing was that I felt so pure and empowered.
After embracing myself and this new pureness of mine, and also my new businessy look, I suddenly noticed that so many guys were now into me.
It is almost like they could have smelled my new self-confidence and success.
In the beginning, I kept declining their offers and running away from their eyes because I was so into myself and my new-gained independence and confidence.
The fact that I was unreachable to them made them even more crazy about me. But I wasn’t playing the ice queen actually. I was still afraid that they were going to hurt me and I was focusing on my job and my needs only.
It lasted for a couple of months and then I fell in love again. I can’t explain to you how suspicious I was in the beginning but he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
He understands me and supports me, he admires me and tells me how I am the most beautiful girl ever, even if I just got out of bed and have bad breath.
I still excel at my job and social life because I have all of his support. And the sex is amazing. Maybe because I waited that long for someone special.