My whole life, I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t give up on people. I believed that once someone walked into my life, I should do everything I could to keep them.
I kept thinking that people who come into my life need to stay there. But you have no idea how wrong I was.
I was so naive to think that everyone who comes along deserves a spot in my life and deserves a place in my heart, I kept ending up broken, betrayed and empty. The worst part is that I did this to myself.
I kept hurting myself by not being able to accept the fact that not all people I love will love me back.
It was just not real to me that people would return you sorrow when you gift them a basket full of love. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Why would anyone want to bring me down when all I ever did was be good to them?
It took me a while, a few heartbreaks too many and a few lonely nights when I cried myself to sleep to realize that there are people born mean. And there isn’t a heart big enough to change them.
I thought I could change them, but I couldn’t. I thought if I showed them how love felt then they would decide to be good, but they didn’t. And then I got lost.
I had no idea what to do. I just couldn’t understand how they could live their lives like that, so I kept giving and they kept taking my love and my kindness without ever giving me anything in return. Not that I asked, but still…
One day, I just couldn’t do it anymore. One day, I got so tired and so worn out that I struggled climbing out of bed. I just hated myself for being so weak and I had no more love to give to anybody.
In making sure everyone else was loved, somewhere down the road I forgot to love myself. And when I tried to do my best to be good to the people around me, they did their best to use me as much as possible.
And then they turned their backs on me the minute they saw they had no use of me anymore. Does it get any worse?
After being emotionally drained, after doing my best for people who hadn’t deserved my best in any way, after being alone when that was the last thing I needed, it occurred to me that sometimes you have to be your own hero and guard your heart.
Because, sometimes, people you can’t picture your life without can live normally without you.
I’m slowly learning that just because I love someone, it doesn’t mean they’re good for me.
Just because I’d like to have someone in my life doesn’t mean they deserve to be there. Just because I do my best to be there for people, it doesn’t mean they value me. Because some people won’t love me no matter what I do.
But I haven’t lost my hope completely. Because I know that some people won’t stop loving me no matter what I do. I’m slowly learning to distinguish these two kinds of people.
I’m learning that even though there are things we don’t want to happen, they’re bound to happen and there is nothing we can do to avoid them.
I’m slowly learning that there are things I don’t want to know, but life will teach me them anyway.
I’m slowly learning that there are people I love, but whom I have to let go because they do me no good.
I’m slowly learning to let go of the people who don’t value me and I’m learning that I’m not giving up on them, but rather I’m doing myself a tremendous favor.
I don’t want to hold on anymore just because I think there will be no one else. I’m slowly learning that there will always be someone else to whom I’m going to be good enough.
I’m learning that I’m worth more than repeatedly being hurt by someone who doesn’t really care about me. I’m learning to trust my future and that there will be someone who’ll see me for my true worth and who’ll treat me the way I should be treated.
I’m learning to guard my heart and I’m learning not to allow others who did me wrong make me think there is something wrong with me. I’m learning not to devalue myself just because someone else didn’t value me.
I’m reminding myself that I’m worthy, that no one else can determine my worth and that I’m worthy even if others don’t really see it.
At this point, I’ve figured out that I’ve done too much for others and that the only next possible step is to stop. I’m learning to let go of the people who don’t value me and I’m walking away.
Because no matter how much I care, they’re never gonna care for me. No matter how well I behave toward them, they’ll never return the favor or decide to be good to someone else.
No matter how selfless I am, they’ll never stop being selfish. So I’m letting go.
I’m letting go of all the toxic, narcissistic, selfish and self-centered people in my life. I’m done giving my love, time, kindness and whatnot to those who don’t appreciate it.
Regardless of the amount of love I feel toward them, I’m letting them go.
I’m slowly escorting them away from my life and I’m learning that it is better to break your own heart once than to allow others to continuously break your trust, heart and your expectations.
I’m learning that not all people who walk into my life are meant to stay. Some of them are only meant to teach me a lesson, such as to let go of those who don’t value me.