To The Man Loving Me After My Abuse
I know it’s hard loving someone broken. I know it’s hard loving someone who is still stuck in their abusive past. I know it’s hard to love someone who is afraid of your love and touch. To love someone who believes she is unlovable. But you still love me, you’re still here. You’re still waiting for me.
So, thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for believing I can get better. For believing I can love again, believing I can overcome my fear. Thank you for being my biggest fan and support. For holding my hand even when I didn’t know I needed you to hold it. Thank you for being my strength when I had none. For being my wings while mine were broken.
Thank you for your patience. I know there are still times when I pull back into that state of mind. There are still times when I’m waiting for your approval, because I learned to wait for his. There are still times when I’m afraid you’ll be unhappy, because he made me believe that his happiness was my only goal in life. And I know how hard it is to love a broken soul, to wait for someone who doesn’t even know what true love looks like.
Thank you for reminding me of who I am. Thank you for showing me how strong I can be, how amazing and fierce I am. Thank you for showing me that I’m lovable. Every single day you make sure I hear ‘I love you’. Every day you make sure that I know my worth. Thank you for that. After being constantly broken and abused, it’s hard to remember who you once were. It’s hard to believe you are lovable, when the person you loved the most told you you’re not.
Thank you for making me laugh. Honestly, I hadn’t laughed for so long that I forgot how to do it. My laugh was rusty, so it was weird when I first heard it after all that time. You know, I never thought I’d smile again. I never thought I’d be happy again. I seriously believed that I was incapable of being happy. Stuck in that bottomless pit of despair and broken emotions and dreams. Stuck in that time when he had complete power over me. Stuck in that hell of mine.
But, somehow, you figured out the way to pull me out of it. You figured out the way to put a smile on my face. You figured out how to love me, how to make me feel your love. With every kiss, every feather-like touch and every ‘I love you’ I hear. You make me feel loved when you share your silence with me. You make me feel loved when you share your fears and your deepest thoughts with me. You make me feel loved every single minute of the day and I thank you for that.
Thank you for loving me at my most unlovable. Thank you for wanting me when I didn’t want myself, when I didn’t want this life. Thank you for showing me how amazing it can be. Thank you for giving me something worth living and fighting for. And thank you for making me see that it was never my fault. It takes a special kind of a man to love a broken woman, to love an abused woman. And you are mine.