When you are in love, you are consumed by that feeling, and it is all you can think about. Even when you don’t want to, you still find yourself daydreaming about him.
Love is a funny thing. You don’t really think you need it, but when you have it.. it consumes every fiber of your being, and you don’t know how you could’ve ever been without it. Your heart needs to feel his in order to keep beating. It’s like fuel that is making your whole body function properly.
When you’ve lived without love for so long, you kind of get used to it, so much so that it feels like you can do this by yourself. You are perfectly fine being your own fuel and igniting your own spark. Until that one day.
Until the day you meet that special someone who makes you question how you ever could’ve thought of doing this solo. Now, it seems unimaginable. Now, you have him, and the thought of ever living without him feels like knives…
When he isn’t near, you yearn for his touch. Even if he had just left, you covet his closeness. All you want is his lips touching yours, and his body intertwined with yours. You love his scent more than anything, and when he isn’t there, you lie in his bed, feeling like he’s there and longing for his return… Life is so good it feels like a dream.
The universe has finally granted you with something so precious, and everyday feels like a fairytale that you get to relive every single morning when you wake up next to his face. The thought of it ending makes you physically sick and gets your gut churning…
LOSING HIM BEGINS GRADUALLY.
One day, everything seems perfect…until suddenly, like changing seasons…a chilly breeze runs all over you and indicates an imminent change.
When you wake up that day, everything seems normal at first glance, but then you look at him. You don’t feel the instant warmth he exudes when your eyes meet, and he doesn’t kiss you like every other morning.
You feel uneasy, but you tell yourself it’s all your imagination. Everything is okay.
You feel like there is this weird wall between you all of a sudden, and he doesn’t look at you the way he usually does. Something is missing, but you can’t (or won’t) quite figure it out.
You brush it off. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you.
THERE IS A VOID IN YOUR HEART.
You are starting to feel hollow. Your heart feels like it’s losing the most important thing it needs to keep beating.
Whatever you do, you do it half-heartedly. You no longer feel like the main actor in the story of your life. You don’t feel in control any longer.
You are on the verge of tears most of the time. The hollowness follows you wherever you go, and there is no escaping it. You are ashamed of how much you crave his love. You need to feel close to him but he seems to be slipping away…
The process is very slow. Your wounds are getting deeper with each impending day, and the void in your heart is starting to physically hurt.
HE IS SLIPPING AWAY.
Now, you can actually feel the gradual loss of his love. He is not interested in you anymore. It’s almost palpable how much it hurts.
The sweet gentle kisses when he sees you are gone. The constant search for your hand to hold is gone. The tender embrace that leaves you so full of love and gratitude is gone. Any signs of affection that he used to display toward you are gone and forgotten…
You try to have love for the both of you. You try to show him affection by kissing his lips twice as often. You hold his hand desperately, hoping his grasp will be strong enough to show you he still cares..
You are doing everything in your power to make him see how desperate you are for his touch.
YOU FEEL SO COMPLETELY HOPELESS.
You are beating yourself up, wondering how you could’ve salvaged this. What could you possibly have done to not let him slip away from you completely?
You feel worthless. There must be something wrong with you. How could he have become so distant and elusive if all you ever did was give him your heart on a silver platter?
Tears are coming down your wretched face as you are trying to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing more you can do. You are finally realizing that it really is over, and your heart is not going to feel any better in the foreseeable future.
The one you believed to be your forever has slowly disappeared from your life, making it as difficult as possible for you with every single subtle blow.
THE THOUGHT OF BEING SINGLE AGAIN MAKES YOU FLINCH.
The thought of going through all those Tinder dates again scares you. Having to open up to somebody again, after having your great love slip away so recently seems unbearable…
Suddenly, you are thrown back into the single world. Instead of him waiting for you under a blanket on the couch every night, you come home to an empty apartment. You cannot fathom being by yourself again after having experienced this profound love.
You go back to your old life. Your old routines. You call your girls. You vent. You start realizing that there is hope for you after all. You have people in your life who are going to make this sudden change for you as easy as possible.
You are not going to be okay any time soon. But with time, and surrounded by those you love, you will start getting back to your old self.
And when you do, you are not going to let yourself dwell in the past of what could’ve been. No. You are going to be grateful for the beautiful love story you had, but one that had to come to its end.
You know that if he was the one for you, he would never have slipped away so easily.
So, you keep living. You keep working on yourself, and let yourself be open to the possibility of a new love. Anything can happen when you have some faith in yourself. And when you least expect it, something beautiful will happen.
You deserve that great love story that has no ending in sight. Just be patient, and let yourself heal. Amazing things tend to happen when you are least prepared for them. Not every love is going to hurt this much.
Let yourself be happy again and open your heart to new things. When you believe, magical things can happen.