When we first enter a relationship, we build bridges and we try to connect with our chosen person in every possible way we can. When we end a relationship, we burn those same bridges and we cut our ways to that person so we won’t have the temptation of reaching to our past.

You don’t want to go back, you don’t want to relive your past, and you don’t want him back. Your getting back to him is out of the question. The determination you have to not get back to your ex and to get over him should be admired, but there is another story to it. What people tend to forget is that the process of getting over someone is full of feelings and memories.

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved are all those memories that you share.

Regardless of how long your relationship lasted, there are memories that remind you that it happened. No matter how many bad moments there might have been, they don’t make those pretty ones vanish, and those nice memories you got are the biggest problem here. They keep coming to your door while you’re trying to cut all strings you have with your past.

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved are those constant reminders of what you used to mean to each other.

Everywhere you turn, there is a little part of him staring at you. Even if he’s not really present around you anymore, your mind and your heart make you feel like he’s there.

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved is the struggle of getting rid of habits you developed during your relationship.

You catch yourself often staring at your phone—with his name ready in your contacts—and you need just a small push to call him and tell him how your day went. You wake up and check your phone to see if there is a good morning message from him, and you have trouble falling asleep because you always waited for him to wish you goodnight before going to sleep. Those messages are never coming, but you still keep waiting from them unconsciously.

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved are all those questions people ask you about him.

Since you broke up, you’ve been working your ass off to just continue your life, and you just wish to forget the feelings you had for him. But how could you do that when there are people constantly reminding you of what you had? How could you do that when people are constantly invading your privacy while they stare at you waiting to see any sign of emotions that might reveal that you still have feelings for him?

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved are those songs you listened to together.

Sometimes, you wish to dance to the songs you two listened to together, but emotions keep you from doing that. Sometimes, you wish to play the song you really like, but you can’t because that song was playing when he first kissed you. And what about those songs that remind you of him? It’s better not to go there.

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved is all those “what if” questions.

These are not questions other people ask you—‘what if’ is the type of question you keep asking yourself. What would happen if you had done something differently? What would happen if you called him? What if he still has feelings for me? What if he didn’t mean all those things he said? What if we had fought harder for what we had? The list of these questions is never ending and the ugliest part of it is you won’t get a single answer to any of them.

The ugly side of getting over the man you once loved is time.

You need time to get over him. You need to get used to the reality that he’s no longer around and that you can’t rely on him anymore. The ugly part is that the feelings don’t go away overnight. The good part is that the feelings go away with time—so you do get to move on.

Moving on and getting over the man you once loved will be the hardest thing you’ll have to do in life. But you have to wake up each morning and continue your life without him. It’s easier said than done, but let time heal your wounds. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to be angry and then allow yourself to let go. One day, you’ll wake up free.