When you and I met and when we started our relationship, we had numerous plans for the future. We hoped to accomplish a lot and we wanted to do it all together.
We were certain we would grow old together and that our love didn’t have an expiration date.
We were certain that nothing and nobody could ever tear us apart and that we were stronger than every obstacle that life could throw our way.
We thought that we were meant to be and that our love was something that couldn’t go away.
And then, after years spent together, you walked away without saying a word .
You left me like we never existed and like you never loved me.
You walked away from me like our relationship never meant anything to you and as if was never important to you.
When you left, I felt the kind of pain I had never felt before. And I literally thought I wouldn’t survive without you.
I was convinced my life had no meaning or purpose and I was ready to do whatever it took just to have you back.
I kept questioning every day of our relationship, trying to find answers. I wondered if I had done something that chased you away, something that made you leave me.
I asked myself why I wasn’t enough and if there was something I could’ve done to keep you by my side.
But after months of tears and the worst kind of emotional suffering I’ve ever experienced, one day I smiled and you weren’t the reason why.
And that was the day I knew I would eventually get over you. That was the day I knew my recovery had started and the day I started forgetting about you.
And eventually, I did move on in a way. Eventually, I got over the love I felt for you and the fact that you had walked away from me like you never cared for me.
I got over the fact that all of our dreams and hopes were in vain and I moved on from all of our plans and goals.
But what I can’t get over was the fact that I spent years with you and that those years were only significant to me.
What I can’t get over is the fact that everything we went through meant a lot only to me.
What I can’t get over is the fact that all the years I spent with you were in vain and that they are all gone with the wind.
What I can’t get over is the fact that I wasted years of my life on someone who never loved me and with someone who could walk away from me and never look back, like I was just a stop along the way.
What I can’t get over is the fact that loving you was obviously just a waste of time.
Because it brought me nowhere and it brought me nothing good or positive.
It only brought me tears and suffering.
It has brought me to the point where I’ve now lost trust in everyone around me, where I question everyone’s intentions and where I don’t let anyone in.
It has brought me to the point where I hate the person you’ve made me become.
Loving you was a waste of energy, a waste of my patience, a waste of my sacrifices and efforts.
Being with you was a waste of love because I wasted myself completely on you.
And for what? What do I have from it now besides disappointment and humiliation? Besides this bitterness at the back of my throat every time someone mentions your name?
Besides this negativity and pessimism that consumes me completely? Besides this doubt of my own worth and besides this fear of the future?
I gave you my best years and all the best parts of myself and I never got the thank you I deserved. I never got the appreciation and the respect I deserved.
I never got the confirmation that I existed in your life and that I’d made a difference inside of you.
And that was the least you should have given me.