When I go back to that time with you in my head, I feel like I was under some kind of a spell. I must have been because I was acting completely out of character.
I lost all control I had over myself. All I knew was you, all I craved was you, and I couldn’t snap out of it—no matter what you did, I was always there.
We really hit it off right from the start. I felt like I could trust you. I opened up to you so easily and I had a problem opening up to strangers then.
I guess you just felt familiar. I had no clue you would betray my trust so easily. I had no clue that you were nothing but a fuckboy.
I should have known. We never experienced that honeymoon phase of a relationship. The games started right away.
I would text you and you would answer in a few hours or even a few days. You would always come back with some lame excuses why you couldn’t answer right away.
You were so good at telling lies that I would hang on to every word you said. It was like my common sense abandoned me and I couldn’t think for myself anymore.
I guess I just wanted to believe you so badly that even the most common lies sounded like the bare truth.
Most of the time when we would make plans to meet or do something together, you would cancel at the last minute.
You would only call me when it was convenient for you, preferably late at night when we had nothing else to do but to hang out in my apartment. And even before you came around, I knew we would end up in my bed, no matter how hard I tried not to.
I couldn’t resist you. We had chemistry, we had sexual tension so strong that my body would shiver every time I saw you.
Not to mention that when we had any sort of physical contact I just wanted you more and more. I was addicted to you and the passion you provoked inside of me.
I think a combination of your sweet words and passion is what had me so hooked on you. The more time we spent together, the more I cared.
I fell so deeply and so hard for you that I lost myself in the process.
The saddest thing of all is that you were never mine like I was yours. I gave all of me and all I got in return were lies, games, and deceptions. You played with me like I was a puppet on a string that would move on your command.
And I did move like you wanted, to the point that the string you were holding me with started to hurt. I cried myself to sleep every time you failed me in any way.
Suddenly I realized I was only getting crumbs of your affection. You always gave me just enough to hold on to but never too much.
I guess my tears woke me up. They cleared my view and I could see you were nothing more than a fuckboy playing with my feelings like they didn’t mean anything.
I had to leave, even though I wanted to stay. I just couldn’t put up with your games anymore.
I won’t lie, it was hard at first but in the end, it was the best thing I ever did. I know you thought I would come back.
I even thought I would come back, on one of those lonely nights when your name would light up my screen. But I resisted, I fought with myself and I just repeated to myself, ” He will never change,” and, ” You deserve better.”
And you know what? I was right. I did deserve better and I found someone better. Someone who texts right away. Someone who never bails on our plans without a legit reason.
Someone who is not afraid to call me his girlfriend. Someone who is proud to be with me. Someone who is never the cause of my tears; he is the one that wipes them away. He is someone who cares for me as much as I care for him.
I am sorry you will never experience that but I think you are incapable of feelings. I am not saying it to be mean, I am saying it in the hope that you will read this and reflect on your actions.
I hope you will see that you are on the wrong path. I hope for your sake, one day you will stop playing games and see that the beginning of true happiness is making the woman next to you happy. If you keep attracting fuckboys and other unavailable men in your life, maybe it’s time to change your patterns.
Download Unavailable Men Addiction and see how your patterns will change. It’s time for a real and loving relationship with somebody worthy of you.