Whatever is in question, when you end up hurt, the only thing that keeps you going is the hope that you’ll eventually heal. The feeling of betrayal and disappointment is the same when it comes to all relationships; it’s the the same with romantic relationships, with friendships and with family relationships.
The pain consumes you and is all you can think about. You feel like you are not half the person you used to be and all you want is to put everything that has happened behind you. You would like to erase all the pain and you think the best option is to act like the person who has hurt you never existed. And the moment you think you have finally moved on, the pain comes back. You try to run away and to bury it deep inside of you, thinking it’s the only option you have. But somehow, the pain always finds its way back to you, even when you think you’ve chased it away.
You don’t know why this is happening. You could have sworn that you managed to completely heal and move on with your life but there is obviously something holding you back.
The problem is that you are only partially healed.
You wanted to forget about everything that had happened as soon as possible so you could finally move on with your life. You waited for the day when this pain would stop consuming you. There was nothing more that you wished for than to move forward.
But in this rush, you forgot something important—you forgot to give yourself time to heal.
Now you feel lost and you don’t know what to do. You would do anything just so this pain would finally go away completely.
The only thing you are not ready to do is wait. And that is exactly the only thing that will help you.
The first thing you need to realize is that healing doesn’t happen overnight, no matter how much you want for it to happen. It takes time and patience. If you really want to feel better, you need to let things take their course.
Healing is not a fun process—it is full of tears, introspection and reminiscing. It takes a lot of courage to embrace your pain and even more strength to finally overcome it. But, eventually, everything pays off.
I know that you’ve had enough of pain and that you don’t want to deal with it anymore. I know all you want is to be strong and stable. You want to sit with your head held high, even when you are feeling pain, because you think it will go away if you just ignore it enough.
So you keep beating yourself up every time you collapse. Every time you cry and feel bad, you think of it as a defeat. You think you are weak for not handling your pain better and for not healing faster.
But instead of pushing yourself too hard, give yourself a break! You are a human being and it’s OK for you to experience different types of emotions—sadness being one of them. Instead of forcing yourself to move on with your life when you are obviously not ready to do so, allow things to be just as they are. Give yourself room to breathe. It doesn’t mean that it will immediately change things, but it will definitely give you a clearer perspective on everything that is going on around you.
You may think that allowing emotions to take over you is a sign of weakness but it is actually something completely different; it means that you are strong enough to face your emotions and to express them in the right way.
Never judge yourself for grieving and never allow others to judge you. We all heal at a different pace and there is no one who can tell you that you are taking too long to move on. Don’t compare yourself to others because you know nothing about the battles someone else is having deep inside. Don’t let others be hard on you and most importantly, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Don’t forget that you have the right to take all the time you need until you are ready to get back on track. Give yourself enough time to be sad or angry. When something hurts you, there doesn’t exist a switch that you can turn off, which will wipe all the pain away. There is no shortcut to healing.
Remember, healing is a process that happens step by step, day by day, so please don’t rush yourself.