3 tipos de homens têm casos: eis porque é que os homens traem
Infidelity can have a detrimental effect on a committed relationship. Not only is there a high chance that the relationship might end, but it also leaves the person who had been cheated on with a number of issues – from self-esteem and mental health problems to the practical issues of dealing with the aftermath.
Once a cheater betrays their partner’s trust, the relationship inevitably changes. Mesmo antes de serem apanhados, os dias da sua relação como era antes estão contados. Algumas pessoas são capazes de perdoar um caso, mas este deixa a sua marca em todas as relações, independentemente do resultado.
Between men and women, men are more likely to cheat on their long-term relationship partners. Here are the common reasons 3 types of men have affairs, as well as tips on recognizing the signs when it’s happening.
Quais são os 3 tipos de homens que têm casos?
Todos os homens fazem batota? Mais exatamente, será que todos os homens trairiam, se tivessem oportunidade?
De acordo com um Inquérito Social Geral e análise da demografia da infidelidade nos EUA, os homens casados são mais provável than married women to cheat, but the gap isn’t as wide as you’d think: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they’d had extramarital affairs.
Even assuming that some men lied and didn’t admit to unfaithfulness in the above-mentioned survey, it still doesn’t mean that all men cheat.
De facto, apenas 3 tipos de homens têm casos: homens que se sentem mal amados e têm medo de deixar as suas mulheres, narcisistas e homens imaturos que querem ter as duas coisas.
Things are more complex than that, of course, so let’s take a closer look at these 3 types of men who have affairs.
1. O cobarde negligenciado
Calling him a coward might be harsh, but it’s not as bad as him cheating on his wife. This type of cheater is usually a married man who has become disconnected from his wife but doesn’t have the courage to end the relationship or work on repairing it.
Things aren’t always black and white. A man in an unhappy relationship isn’t the only person to blame for the things that aren’t working.
No entanto, ele tinha problemas de intimidade e optou por lidar com os problemas da sua relação traindo o seu parceiro quando outras soluções poderiam ter conduzido a resultados diferentes.
O problema com estas outras soluções, como confrontar o seu parceiro e comunicar abertamente, é muito mais difícil. Requer vulnerabilidade emocional e esforço. It’s far easier to start over and look for closeness elsewhere, potentially forcing the relationship to end.
O que é que acontece aqui? Estas são as fases pelas quais ele passa.
• Something is missing from his relationship and his marriage. A vida aconteceu e ele e a mulher afastaram-se. A quantidade de amor e afeto que costumava receber da sua mulher desvaneceu-se com o tempo.
• His wife isn’t who she used to be. She’s not as loving, as caring, or as sexy as she once was. She doesn’t give him the attention he needs. He feels like she no longer cares about his emotional and sexual needs or what’s going on with him.
• The falta de intimidade emocional e sexual faz com que ele sinta ressentimento em relação à sua mulher e se desiluda com o seu casamento.
• He misses being desired. He wishes his wife would meet his needs, but he’s afraid to talk to her. Maybe she’s a nag or a bully, or she’s kind and sweet. Either way, he’s unhappy with her and fantasia com outra pessoa .
• He decides to turn to affairs to fulfill his needs. He’s looking for someone who seems interested in him as a person. He wants validation. He needs his ego stroked and for his sex life to become more exciting.
• The marriage is crumbling. Instead of communicating with his partner and working on his relationship or, if they can’t work out, ending things, he decides to cheat. When he’s caught, it’s over.
• It’s much easier to cheat to end his relationships instead of dealing with the issues directly. Even if they stay together, they won’t be the same married couple they were before he had an affair.
Este tipo de comportamento é o mesmo que desistir do casamento sem informar a mulher, para além de a magoar e trair a sua confiança.
2. O narcisista oportunista
Em poucas palavras, narcissists are people who are so selfish that they completely disregard other people’s importance. This doesn’t mean that they’re inconsciente of other people’s needs and feelings, only that they’re completely irrelevant to them unless they can be used.
Uma pessoa com perturbação da personalidade narcísica sente-se com direitos – to admiration and attention, to things and people – and he gets upset when he doesn’t get what he believes he deserves.
Manipular e prejudicar os outros é-lhe natural. He doesn’t think about the impact of his behavior on other people – because other people aren’t important.
This leads to behaviors that hurt his partner, and he doesn’t see what the problem is.
He’s capable of emotional compartmentalization and separates love from sex. In his case, separating love and sex doesn’t mean that he can have sex with people he doesn’t love, which isn’t a problematic behavior in itself – it’s that he considers sex completely inconsequential.
Como é que isto se aplica à batota?
• He doesn’t consider sex a matter of consequence and doesn’t get why his partner would take his cheating to heart. He’s capable of having sex with anyone without feeling anything, not only about the person but also the repercussions.
For example, he wouldn’t understand why his one-night stand might hurt his primary relationship any more than simply having a conversation with another woman would. This doesn’t excuse him – he still knows it’s wrong, but he simply doesn’t care.
• Sex in the affair means nothing to him – it just happens. When he sees an opportunity, he takes it. If a woman is open to his sexual advances, he sees no reason he shouldn’t pursue an encounter or affair with her. It’s just sex, after all, and instead of being a big deal, it’s simply available.
Isto também pode levar à dependência sexual.
• Because sex is such a casual thing Para ele, subestima o quanto pode magoar a sua parceira com o seu comportamento. A sua falta de empatia pelos outros e a sua abordagem desinteressada e oportunista ao sexo podem levá-lo a trair várias parceiras.
When he’s involved in several affairs, he’s using the women he’s cheating with to meet his needs without considering theirs. Ele precisa de atenção constante das mulheres e escolhe o que gosta em cada um deles, criando uma relação à medida.
• Even though he has no moral qualms Apesar de não se importar em magoar a sua parceira com o seu comportamento, este tipo de adúltero ainda está consciente de que é errado e que terá certas consequências. Ele não tem remorsos, mas, em vez disso, sente-se excitado por se comportar mal.
He sees himself as a thrill-seeker, and the risk of getting caught makes him enjoy his affair even more. He likes it that he could get caught, but the fact that it’s a chance to screw up his whole life doesn’t matter to him.
3. The immature mama’s boy
This kind of cheater is in a relationship or marriage with someone he doesn’t see as a partner but as a caretaker. In a way, ele vê a sua mulher como a sua mãe, e doesn’t have the maturity para resolver os seus problemas.
Ele quer ter as duas coisas: uma relação estável em casa com alguém que cuide dele e uma relação excitante fora do seu casamento. Por esta razão, age como um adolescente ou, mais exatamente, an immature mama’s boy .
• He says he’s in love with his wife, but he really likes the convenience and what he gets from her. He behaves like an adolescent: he’s looking for independence, but he still wants his “mom” (his wife) to take care of him at home.
He enjoys the sneaking around that comes with cheating – he sees it as rebelling against the rules that his mom-wife has imposed. Todo o esforço e conspiração necessários para ter um caso secreto dão-lhe a emoção de se safar com alguma coisa.
• To him, cheating is also a way of taking control. Because he sees his wife as someone responsible for him who does so much for him, making a decision without her feels like he’s in charge. He’s seeking validation and trying to increase his self-esteem by proving that he exists outside of his marriage.
• He doesn’t like his daily life. He might be married to a wife who makes him feel inadequate, or he simply sees her that way because he doesn’t like that she reacts when comporta-se de forma imatura.
• If o parceiro tem pouco desejo sexual or isn’t interested in sex tanto quanto ele, pode acabar por sentir uma frustração sexual que procura resolver fora do casamento. Em vez de falar com a mulher e tentar resolver o problema, decide trair.
• He’s another kind of cheater who compartmentalizes his sex life. He separates people into those he loves and those he has sex with, or more accurately, he thinks that there’s ‘wife sex’ and ‘lover sex,’ or believes that his A sua mulher é para o amor, e a sua parceira é para o sexo.
He judges people by their sexual behavior, and he’s ashamed of some of his desires. Because he doesn’t want to be married to a woman who does certain things and behaves in a certain way, he’d never talk to his partner about his desires or ask her to fulfill them.
Isto leva a que o sexo com a sua mulher seja aborrecido e insatisfatório. Se acrescentarmos a isso o facto de ele ver a mulher todos os dias numa variedade de contextos menos sensuais, a sua relação com a sua companheira de caso parece uma refeição de batota durante uma dieta.
The woman he’s cheating with seems like a glamorous, sexual being who wears lingerie and perfume and is willing to do that thing he’d never ask his wife to. O sexo com ela é ótimo devido à sua falta de inibições, com o aspeto adicional da fantasia e da transgressão.
Quais são os sinais de alerta de um traidor?
Os homens que têm casos exibem muitas bandeiras vermelhas e sinais que podem ser facilmente ignorados. Sometimes the person who’s being cheated on subconsciously turns a blind eye and plays ignorant on purpose.
Keeping up with an affair isn’t simple – trying to keep it hidden means lots of acting, strategizing, and remembering to keep his story straight. Still, when you don’t want something to be true, it becomes easy to ignore the warning signs that he’s cheating.
When a man displays several of the following signs, there’s a chance that he’s engaging in an affair.
• Lack of interest in sex. If he’s suddenly less interested or not interested in sex with his wife at all, it can mean that he’s getting what he needs elsewhere.
• Different sexual behavior. When you do have sex, he does things he’s never done before, even if he’s not usually the experimental type.
• Suspicious phone use. Some examples are: hiding his phone, always keeping it on silent, not answering when you’re around, always texting, being unable to reach him on the phone at certain times, change in use of social media apps, and receiving calls he says are from the wrong number, etc.
• Suspicious computer use. Ele pode esconder a utilização do computador, desligar o computador ou minimizar uma janela quando se aproxima, utilizar o computador à noite enquanto dorme, limpar o histórico do browser, deixar de utilizar dispositivos partilhados, etc.
• Sudden interest in his appearance. Se ele começar a vestir-se melhor ou a usar colónia, tiver um novo penteado, começar a fazer exercício ou fizer uma dieta, pode ser a warning sign that he’s cheating on you e quer parecer melhor para o seu parceiro.
• Works longer hours, mas quando lhe perguntamos como estão as coisas no trabalho, ele só tem respostas vagas.
• Starts going out with friends. If he says that he’s meeting friends more often than he used to, he might not be meeting them at all.
• Suddenly can’t account for his time. He might pick up new hobbies or interests that require his time but doesn’t want to talk about it.
• Suspicious money issues. He suddenly spends more money but doesn’t talk about it, or he stops making plans that would require you to spend a higher amount of money, such as going on vacation together.
• You stop doing things together. You don’t hang out, visit other people together, or spend time with family. You feel like he avoids you.
• You know he lies to you. He obviously lies or acts secretive. He’s anxious when you ask him questions.
• He behaves oddly. Something is off in his behavior. He’s negative, defensive, distant, and critical. He picks fights and has mood swings.
• Gaslighting. He gets angry if you ask him about cheating. He tells you you’re imagining things, or he accuses you of cheating.
• Your gut feeling says he’s cheating. Even if you don’t acknowledge the things you’ve noticed out loud, if you pick up suspicious changes in his everyday behavior, your intuition will tell you that something is going on. Trust your instincts.
Porque é que os homens traem mesmo que te amem?
A única resposta verdadeira é porque assim o querem.
Pode haver um milhão de desculpas que ele pode usar para fazer batota, um milhão de maneiras de justificar porque é que era a única coisa que podia fazer, mas nenhuma delas é a verdadeira razão. Há muitas causas subjacentes que podem levar à batota, mas no final, as pessoas fazem batota porque o escolhem fazer.
He might claim that he’s not built for monogamy, that he has mental issues that caused it, or it was in the heat of the moment. Yes, there’s always a problem with the relationship or a problem with the person that leads to cheating, but a razão pela qual os homens têm casos é simples: porque decidem fazer batota e fazem-no.
O facto é que most men don’t stop cheating because they feel guilty or because they don’t want to be that person anymore but because they get caught diz-lhe tudo o que precisa de saber sobre o que os homens que têm casos pensam realmente sobre a traição.
Men who don’t cheat are men who have chosen not to cheat. Instead, they deal with the problems that cheaters claim are what lead them to having affairs in emotionally mature and productive ways that don’t cause their wives pain.
Quais são os diferentes tipos de assuntos?
Existem diferentes tipos de casos porque as pessoas procuram coisas diferentes fora das suas relações primárias. There are things that some people don’t even consider cheating, while they can cause heartbreak in others. Aqui estão algumas tipos de batota em que as pessoas se envolvem.
1. O caso emocional
Um caso emocional não tem intimidade sexual, mas envolve uma ligação emocional com outra pessoa. Pode desenvolver-se entre colegas de trabalho, amigos ou conhecidos e, com o tempo, pode criar danos duradouros na relação com o parceiro que está a ser traído.
At first, it can be justified as being ‘just friends,’ but the emotional intimacy involved in this kind of relationship often oversteps the boundaries of friendship. When he’s closer and more fond of his ‘just friend’ than his wife, conta como batota , and it can’t be denied that it’s an affair.
2. O caso romântico
Um caso amoroso pode desenvolver-se a partir de um caso emocional ou porque um homem inicia uma relação romântica e sexual com outra mulher. It’s a love affair that would be considered normal if he didn’t have a wife who he is knowingly hurting by being in another relationship.
He can try to justify it by blaming it on the magic of falling in love or claiming that his wife doesn’t understand him as much as the other woman. This type of affair often lasts for a long time and can be on and off.
3. O caso de sexo casual
Uma relação puramente sexual, como uma aventura ou um encontro de uma noite, raramente acontece uma vez. Um homem que trai a sua mulher desta forma muitas vezes desenvolve um padrão de comportamento e continua a envolver-se neste tipo de caso.
Em muitos casos, não há problemas no seu casamento, mas a razão pela qual ele se envolve em sexo extraconjugal é porque tem uma oportunidade e aproveita-a. Por vezes, arrepende-se destes casos e tenta parar, mas acaba por voltar a eles.
4. The ‘mistress’ affair
Este é o caso em que o homem quer manter-se casado e continuar o seu caso durante muito tempo. Quando um homem quer estar em relações com a mulher e com o parceiro do caso, he’ll jump through hoops to keep his affair hidden.
Ele quer todos os benefícios que estas duas relações oferecem. His affair partner doesn’t understand that he’s using her . She often believes that he’ll eventually leave his wife, but if forced to choose, he’ll stay with his wife.
5. The ‘make a point’ affair
Este é o tipo de caso em que o traidor quer conseguir algo ao ter um caso. Uma das razões pode ser para se vingar da mulher que o traiu.
Another situation is if he’s trying to get caught and cause the end of his marriage. If he doesn’t have the courage to leave his wife, he might get her to leave him by cheating on her and making it easy for her to find out.
It’s All About Choices
Men cheat more than women, but it’s not true that every man would cheat on his wife if there were no consequences. Usually, it all comes down to the ability and maturity to deal with problems in a way that isn’t hurtful to his partner.
A traição diz muito sobre uma pessoa. Normalmente, há 3 tipos de homens que têm casos: os três são incapazes de lidar com os problemas da relação, recorrem à traição como forma de satisfazerem as suas necessidades.
Still, relationships aren’t simple, and the problems are rarely only one person’s fault. The blame for cheating, however, lies only on the person who chose to do it.
