Não tenho desejo sexual e o meu marido está zangado: 11 soluções

Não há muito tempo, I told my therapist: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.” Just like that, I spoke the sentence that’s been bugging me for some time. And I felt relieved because I spilled it out.

Nessa altura, o meu marido e eu já estávamos juntos há alguns anos. Eu tinha a certeza de que tudo era perfeito na nossa relação, tudo para além do facto de estarmos presos num casamento sem sexo.

Felizmente, my therapist told me that there was a way out of this situation. A way that didn’t include adultery or divorce.

Então, aqui estou eu: partilhar esta sabedoria e mostrar-vos como salvei a minha libido e o meu casamento.

Não tenho desejo sexual e o meu marido está zangado: 11 Coisas Para Fazer

Siga este programa de 11 passos e recupere a sua libido num piscar de olhos.

1. Encontre a causa do seu baixo desejo sexual

A primeira coisa a fazer é encontrar a causa subjacente a este problema.

You’re only human, and it’s natural to have sexual desire, especially when you’re married. After all, you’re constantly with the man you love and who attracts you physically. If this is not the case and if your sex life is suffering, there must be a reason for it.

Então, o que é que se passa? Dig deep inside of yourself and be completely honest. Don’t worry – you can do it on your own, without your husband, at least in the beginning.

The worst possible scenario is for you to ignore the fact that you have a low libido. There is an issue here that should be worked on. And the first step is to dissect your feelings to try and find out what’s wrong.

Sente-se atraída por outros homens mas não pelo seu marido? Tem um casamento sem sexo mas consegue sentir-se excitado por outros homens? E quanto a masturbar-se?

Ainda tem sentimentos românticos pelo seu marido? Vê-o como seu companheiro ou apenas como um colega de quarto?

Finalmente, gostaria de ter um desejo sexual mais elevado ou está perfeitamente bem com o seu baixo desejo sexual?

Once you answer these questions, you’re good to go!

2. Trabalhar na sua relação

When you tell someone: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” the first piece of advice you’ll get is to spice things up in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing wrong with that.

No entanto, é preciso compreender que a lack of sex in your marriage is a sign of something else. Therefore, if you put your bedroom activities in first place, you’ll only deal with the surface problem, which is wrong.

That is why you have to work on your relationship before anything else. It’s time to reconstruir o seu casamento because it’s obviously broken.
Don’t obsess over sexual satisfaction. Instead, just introduce some romance into our marriage.

Sair à noite, start saying “I love you” mais, e surpreendam-se um ao outro. Tudo isto reforçará os vossos laços e fará com que voltem a apaixonar-se um pelo outro.

Quando isto acontece, a libido aumenta.

3. Trabalhe a sua libido sozinho

Sabia que pode trabalhar a sua libido sozinha? Start with masturbating and see if you’re capable of reaching climax by yourself.

If that’s the case, there is nothing physically wrong with you. This is not about sexual dysfunction – your marriage needs to be worked on.

Explore diferentes tópicos sexuais. O que é que o excita mais? Onde e como gosta de ser tocado?

Esqueça as normas sociais e vá ao fundo de si próprio. Discover your deepest sexual desires and wildest sexual fantasies. Don’t be ashamed – there is no one listening; you can be honest with yourself.

Há alguma coisa que o seu marido faça que provoque a diminuição da sua libido? O que é que não gosta e o que a excita no quarto?

Just be careful: if you decide to watch porn or read erotic stories, don’t exaggerate. It’s okay to dive into this world to help yourself out, but don’t lose touch with reality.

4. Don’t look for a cure outside of your marriage

When a woman says: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” in most cases, her first impulse is to go to social media or someplace else and look for another man to skyrocket her libido.

De facto, tanto os homens como as mulheres agem assim quando a sua relação a longo prazo deixa de ter sexo.

Well, I’m advising you not to. As long as you’re here, it means that you think your marriage is worth saving. Infidelity will only make things worse.

First of all, it would be unfair to your husband to cheat on him. Besides, the first time you do, you’ll realize that it’s not the solution to your problems. No, you won’t get a high libido like that.

You should try and fix this issue inside of your marriage instead of looking for a cure outside of it. If you don’t listen to this advice, your relationship will be broken beyond repair. Just like that, you’ll have another problem you have to deal with.

5. Comunicação aberta

Look, your husband knows very well what’s going on. Trust me, he doesn’t believe that you have a headache all the time. And nobody is that tired.

I mean, he married a high-libido woman, and now all of a sudden, he’s got one with zero sexual needs.

So, don’t try ignoring the problem because it won’t magically go away. Instead, remember the importance of comunicação aberta em todas as relações.

Say it out loud: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.” There is nothing shameful here.

Fale com o seu marido e diga-lhe exatamente como se sente. Dê-lhe todas as respostas que você própria deu no início.

Tente analisar a sua relação para descobrir onde e quando é que as coisas começaram a descambar. Aconteceu alguma coisa fora do normal? Como era a vossa vida sexual antes de enfrentarem o baixo desejo sexual?

6. Tenta compreender o teu marido

Most importantly, ask your husband how he feels about this situation. Ask him to be honest because that’s the whole point of healthy communication.

Yes, you know he’s mad. But I mean, let’s be real: who wouldn’t be? Instead of fighting with him, do your best to understand his position.

I mean, this man has sexual needs. He is attracted to you, and he wants you two to be intimate as much as possible. But it’s more than obvious that you don’t share the same desires.

Tudo isto deixa-o frustrado. The worst part is that he has no idea what’s going on. What’s the cause of your low libido?

Ele tornou-se pouco atrativo de um dia para o outro? Não está satisfeita com o seu desempenho sexual? Deixou de o amar? Está apaixonada por outra pessoa? Está a traí-lo?

Acredita em mim: não há nada pior para um ego masculino do que esta situação.

But even though he’s allowed to be mad, this isn’t an excuse to be abusive or unfaithful. Everything can be resolved, and if it can’t, nobody can stop him from leaving you.

7. Don’t play the blame game

Here’s another big fat no for all the women saying: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”: jogar o jogo da culpa. I have to warn you: you’ll both feel tempted to do this, but this practice can be fatal for your marriage.

Your low sexual desire is nobody’s fault. I’m sure your husband is doing his best to turn you on. He is trying his hardest to improve your sex life. Besides, he’s feeling bad already. His self-esteem is at its lowest, and you definitely shouldn’t do anything to destroy it even more.

At the same time, he must avoid accusing you. It’s not like you enjoy your casamento sem sexo. I mean, you’d be much happier if you didn’t have to struggle with your low libido.

Lembra-te: it’s you two against the problem, not one against the other. If you start with the blame game, you’ll just end up arguing pointlessly, and you’ll never come to a solution. Instead, focus all this energy on resolving this issue in the healthiest way possible.

8. Intimidade física para além do sexo

É que há muitos outros coisas íntimas que poderia estar a fazer para além do sexo. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not claiming that sex isn’t a crucial part of every romantic relationship. However, it’s not the only thing that can improve a couple’s intimacy and strengthen their connection.

You have a low sex drive – I get it. But that doesn’t include kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and things like that, does it?

Yes, all of this can lead to sex, but this time, sex is not first place. Don’t see these things as foreplay – just dar um beijo apaixonado ao seu marido e ver como se sente depois.

Also, don’t forget about demonstrações públicas de afeto. Don’t jump all over each other in public, but don’t forget to hold hands or walk around while hugging. Show the world that you’re proud to have a husband like him!

Since you’re the one with low libido, it would also be fair for you to initiate these forms of intimacy. This will be more powerful than saying, “I love you.”

9. Voltar a namorar com o seu marido

I’ve already advised you to go on noites de namoro with your husband. But for some couples, going on a couple of dates doesn’t help much. If that’s the case with you, I suggest you start dating your husband again.

Don’t worry, you can still live together. But why wouldn’t you pretend like you’ve just met and you’re about to fall in love with each other for the first time again?

Flirt with this man and do your best to get to know him on another level. Ask him to court you, and you start doing the same. Text each other good morning and good night even though you’re sleeping next to each other.

Fazer tudo o que um casal novo faria. Isto inclui adiar as relações sexuais as well. After all, if you’ve just met this man, you’ll need some time to relax before sleeping with him, am I right?

Take things slowly. Remember: baby steps are key. When you feel the need to take this “relationship” to the next level, do so.

Your husband might even propose to you all over again! This way, you can wait for your “wedding night” to sleep with him. How romantic is that?

10. Experimentar coisas novas no quarto

Now that you’ve worked on all the layers of your partnership, it’s time to focus on the real deal. That’s right, you’ve reached the stage where you can hit the bedroom.

But please, don’t do whatever you were doing before. It’s clear that you’ve gotten tired of the same old routine. Or maybe deep down, it never pleased you.

De qualquer forma, agora é a altura certa para apimente a sua vida sexual. A senhora e o seu marido dominaram a arte da comunicação saudável e nada vos pode impedir agora.

Remember when you worked on your libido by yourself? Well, what’s stopping you from implementing all those things in real intercourse now?

Tell your husband what you’re into. Tell him that you’ve been exploring your body, and talk to him about everything you’ve discovered.

Acima de tudo, explorem-se um ao outro. Descubram juntos as vossas preferências.

Tentar sexting, jogo de papéis, conversa fiada, BSDM… whatever comes to mind. Look, I’m not saying that you’ll enjoy all of these things.

It’s always important to only do things you’re comfortable with. However, make sure to push your limits and try something new.

11. Visitar um terapeuta sexual

Finally, I suggest going to a sex therapist. Don’t worry, this is perfectly normal, and it only means that you’re mature enough to recognize the problem.

You’ll be able to talk to a mental health expert who will help you get to the bottom of your problem and help you resolve it in the healthiest way possible.

É claro que o melhor seria visitar um terapeuta sexual com o seu marido. Podem experimentar diferentes tipos de terapia sexual e recuperar a vossa vida sexual.

However, you can also go on your own, even before discussing it with him, or even if he’s not interested.

O que causa o baixo desejo sexual de uma mulher?

We’ve already talked about how important it is to find the cause of your problem. I mean, you didn’t just wake up one morning and say, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” did you? This has been going on for a while now, and it’s about time you see what’s hidden behind this sentence.

1. Problemas de relacionamento

The most common cause of low sex drive in women is different relationship problems. As hard as you try, you can’t separate your body, mind, and heart.

What does this mean? Well, if your heart is broken, it’s impossible for the person who hurt you to turn you on.

You can’t feel any physical attraction or sexual desire towards the man who caused you emotional pain – it’s simply how women work.

Tem um casamento infeliz, and you’re perfectly aware that jumping into bed with your husband won’t magically make things okay.

Talvez tenha questões de confiança no vosso casamento. Ou sente-se traída por causa de algo que ele fez?

Talvez sinta que tem um marido desrespeitoso, or you two are arguing so much that you can’t get yourself to even kiss him, let alone something else. The list could be endless, but you get the picture.

Nesse caso, sabe o que tem de ser feito em primeiro lugar. No momento em que resolver os seus problemas de relacionamento, a sua libido elevada voltará.

2. Desequilíbrio hormonal

O desequilíbrio hormonal é uma causa frequente de baixo desejo sexual nas mulheres. Isto é especialmente comum nas mulheres que estão a entrar na menopausa.

Another diagnosis is hypogonadism. To put things simply, having this condition means that your body is unable to produce enough sex hormones. If you’re a woman, we’re talking about estrogen.

É exatamente isso que acontece durante a menopausa: os seus níveis de estrogénio começam a diminuir. Esta situação é normalmente seguida de secura vaginal.

Either way, the biggest problem is that you’re probably not even aware that you have a hormone imbalance. That’s why I suggest you pay your MD a visit and do a check-up before anything else.

3. Baixa autoestima

Have you involuntarily gained or lost a lot of weight lately? Or maybe you’re just not feeling like your best self? In this case, your low self-esteem might be what’s causing your low sexual desire.

Isto é ainda mais possível se o seu o marido é mau e tem feito comentários desagradáveis sobre a sua aparência. He’s killed your confidence, and now you’d rather die than allow him to see you naked. You no longer feel loved and wanted, and consequently, nothing can turn you on.

Mais uma vez, é preciso trabalhar sobre a causa, o que significa aumentar a sua autoestima.

4. Má comunicação no quarto de dormir

A comunicação aberta é a chave para uma relação saudávelE isso inclui também o quarto de dormir. Por conseguinte, if you can’t tell your husband what your likes and dislikes are, and if he’s not putting any effort into pleasing you, it’s natural that your libido is at its lowest.

You wouldn’t admit this to him, but you’d rather spend time masturbating than sleeping with him. At least, like this, you climax.

Se isto é algo com que se identifica, por favor falar com o seu homem sobre sexo. Mostra-lhe como te agradar!

5. Problemas de saúde mental

If you’ve been struggling with mental health problems, como a depressão, it’s perfectly natural that your libido has almost disappeared. Tenha em atenção que um baixo desejo sexual é um efeito secundário de certos antidepressivos.

I suggest talking to your mental health expert and telling them about the issues you’re facing. Maybe they’ll prescribe you a different type of antidepressant. But please, don’t do anything on your own without consulting a professional!

É normal não ter desejo sexual numa relação?

Having no sex drive in a long-term relationship or marriage is actually more common than you might think. In fact, both men and women face this problem, so nobody can tell you it’s not normal.

No entanto, é definitivamente um sinal de problemas. A pior coisa que pode fazer é aceitar as coisas como elas são e seguir o fluxo. Lembre-se: esta é uma relação romântica, não uma amizade, e o seu parceiro não é o seu colega de quarto.

Luckily, there are numerous ways to help you build a higher libido. No, sexual desire is not a death sentence for your relationship, and it most definitely doesn’t have to be permanent.

Para terminar:

If you’re a woman who says, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” it means only one thing: you’ve taken the first step – you’ve admitted that you have a problem. You’ve reached the point of self-awareness where you see what this is doing to your marriage, and you’re mature enough to recognize how this entire situation makes your husband feel.

Isto significa que tem uma grande hipótese de melhorar as coisas. Se o seu marido também estiver disposto a trabalhar na sua baixa libido, não há nada que vos impeça a ambos de serem bem sucedidos.