7 sinais alarmantes de que o seu parceiro é passivo-agressivo
Let’s be real – sometimes, we’re all guilty of passive-aggressive behavior. I know I am, even though I’m aware of how toxic it is.
Há situações em que parece mais fácil ficar em silêncio ou amuar do que fazer a coisa emocionalmente madura e expressar as suas emoções de forma saudável.
As long as it doesn’t happen frequently and you identify it as harmful, there is probably nothing to be worried about.
But what if you’re dealing with someone who is completely unaware of their behavioral patterns?
Como é que se lida com um parceiro romântico cuja principal forma de comunicação é a agressão passiva?
Espera, o que é que significa passivo-agressivo? A Mayo Clinic define passivo-agressivo comportamento como “a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them.”
1. Tratamento silencioso
When you get in an argument with a passive-aggressive individual, you’ll never get them to respond. They won’t tell you what’s bothering them, nor will they name your mistakes out loud.
Instead, what you’ll get is something else: the silent treatment and sulking. You’ll see that they’re in a bad mood and that something is wrong, but not one word will come out of their mouth.
Os casais que lutam constantemente numa relação e têm a Segunda Guerra Mundial a decorrer todos os dias podem pensar que isto é refrescante depois de todo o drama. Mas acredita em mim, isto é uma bandeira vermelha!
Manter as emoções reprimidasA comunicação direta, incluindo os sentimentos de raiva, não é saudável. Todas as formas de comunicação direta, que por vezes incluem discussões, são melhores do que as formas passivo-agressivas de lidar com as coisas.
Como lidar com isso?
If you’re in a relação passivo-agressiva, your partner has to improve their communication skills – that’s pretty clear. But they can’t do it without your help.
A melhor coisa a fazer é deixá-los arrefecer um pouco e dar-lhes espaço. Don’t ask for answers right away, and let the situation calm down before engaging in another confrontation.
After enough time has passed, go back to the passive-aggressive individual and tell them that you want to acknowledge their feelings. Tell them that they’re being heard and encourage them to speak up.
2. Sarcasmo e ironia
Another example of passive-aggressive behavior is the excessive use of sarcasm and irony. Let’s be honest – we all use it from time to time, but the difference here is that people who suffer from passive-aggressive disorder use sarcasm to mask their true feelings.
Em vez de o criticarem abertamente, insultam-no subtilmente. Ao mesmo tempo, esperam que perceba a dica e mude magicamente o que as está a incomodar.
Let’s take this as an example: Your co-worker, family member, or partner doesn’t like your outfit choice for the day.
But when you ask them what they think about it, they’ll say something like, “Oh, your sweater is really nice. Did you borrow it from your grandma?” or “I like it. But I didn’t know the 80s are back in style.”
Como lidar com isso?
A pior ideia é seguir o fluxo e responder com outra piada sarcástica. Eu sei que quer dar-lhes a provar do seu próprio remédio, mas acredite que isso vai aprofundar ainda mais o conflito.
Instead, let them know that you’re perfectly aware of what they’re doing. Tell them loud and clear that they’re allowed to express their opinion without insulting you.
3. Teimosia e mau humor
Os sinais comuns de agressão passiva são a teimosia, o mau humor e o comportamento hostil.
De facto, em 2009, uma equipa de especialistas realizou um estudo. Psiquiatria Processos interpessoais e biológicos: A Validade de Construção da Perturbação de Personalidade Passivo-Agressiva, em pacientes que sofrem de distúrbio passivo-agressivo.
E adivinha? A maior parte deles era rabugenta e argumentativa.
To be honest, we’re all guilty of this from time to time. Nevertheless, when these responses become the only form of opposition a person is able to display, that’s definitely a red flag.
O que significa isto numa relação romântica? Bem, tem certas exigências em relação ao seu parceiro.
And it’s perfectly normal that they disagree with some of your conditions or are unable to meet as suas normas. That’s not the issue – the issue is that they won’t say anything about it.
Instead, they’ll begin to fail even more, just in spite. Also, they’ll get all gloomy and sad without telling you the real reason behind this type of behavior.
Como lidar com isso?
O melhor conselho que lhe posso dar é Escolhe as tuas batalhas. Se queres tentar e corrigir esta relação, keep in mind that you can’t change this about your partner, so don’t lose it over every little thing they get stubborn or hostile about.
4. Queixas constantes
De acordo com alguns estudos científicos, existe uma relação estreita entre a agressividade passiva e a perturbação da personalidade negativista. As pessoas passivo-agressivas são geralmente também pessimistas e raramente vêem algo de positivo na vida.
Para simplificar: as pessoas passivo-agressivas estão sempre a queixar-se. Mas raramente protestam contra algo específico.
Na verdade, estão sempre a queixar-se e a resmungar. They’re obviously not happy with their own mental well-being but refuse to do anything about it.
Instead, they prefer spreading their negative energy all over the place and destroying everyone else’s wellness in the process.
Como lidar com isso?
If negativity is one of your partner’s predominant personality traits, the most important thing is not to let it get you. Don’t let their negativity take what’s best from you.
Entretanto, pode sempre dar o seu melhor para lhes mostrar toda a beleza que a vida tem para oferecer.
5. Negar o ressentimento
It’s perfectly normal to feel resentful from time to time, especially when we’ve been treated unfairly. Nevertheless, it’s unfair to claim that everything is fine when you’re actually holding a grudge about something that went on ages ago.
That’s exactly what your partner does. They’re frustrated and bitter but refuse to admit it. And when you call them out on their behavior, they accuse you of being crazy.
You’re nowhere near perfection, and you admit that you made a mistake in the past. But if they say they forgave you, should that really be held against you for the rest of your life?
De modo algum!
Como lidar com isso?
Antes de mais, faça o seu melhor para corrigir os seus erros. Mas se sabes que pediste desculpa e fizeste tudo o que estava ao teu alcance para mostrar remorsos, ignora os seus modos passivo-agressivos. Don’t let your SO make you feel guilty about something they allegedly forgave you for.
6. Desvalorização da vítima
Passive aggression is frequently connected with a narcissistic personality disorder. To be exact, it’s one of the symptoms of covert narcisismo passivo-agressivo.
If you’re dealing with this type of narcissist, they’ll use all of their energy to make you feel less worthy. They’ll put a lot of effort into lowering your self-esteem and eventually destroying your mental well-being.
The trick is that they won’t use direct insults – at least, not at first. But have you ever heard of something called backhanded compliments? It’s an even more efficient tool for killing someone’s self-esteem.
Basicamente, um elogio indireto é uma mistura perfeita de um elogio e de um insulto. Por exemplo, se fores promovido, o teu parceiro narcisista dirá algo como isto:
“I didn’t expect you to get that promotion. Well done”.
Do you see what they did there? At first glance, they congratulated you, but actually, they showed that they never believed in you or that you didn’t deserve it.
The problem is that most victims don’t get this right away. Instead, their partners have been sabotaging them for years with the help of these and similar técnicas de manipulação.
Quando damos por isso, deixamos de acreditar em nós próprios. Pensamos que nada do que fazemos é suficientemente bom e o nosso sentido de autoestima fica arruinado.
Como lidar com isso?
O melhor é sair desta situação o mais rapidamente possível. Mas eu sei que ultrapassar um narcisista é um processo, por isso, até isso acontecer, trabalhe a sua confiança.
Remember that nobody is more important than your mental health and wellness. Instead of focusing on their insults, focus on all the good things you’ve achieved.
Keep in mind that someone else’s opinion can never define who you are. Besides, your partner obviously sees that you’re way better than them; otherwise, they wouldn’t have felt the need to devalue your worth at all costs.
7. Procrastinação
Missing deadlines, showing up late, never getting anything done, deliberately underachieving, stalling, making excuses… Can you relate this to your partner? In that case, you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive person.
Deixe-me dizer-lhe que tudo isto são sinais de alerta de um comportamento passivo-agressivo. Isto é bastante comum em pessoas com tipos de personalidade evitante.
I’ll be dead honest with you here. If your partner does all of this, they’re doing it to drive you crazy.
Sooner or later, you’ll complain about their irresponsible behavior. And you know what will happen then? They’ll play dumb and act as if they have no idea what you’re talking about.
Naturally, you’ll get angry, and they’ll just give you the silent treatment and act all offended.
Como lidar com isso?
Coabitar com uma pessoa assim parece uma missão impossível. Mas até a deixares, tenta não depender dela para as coisas que são importantes para ti.
Do you want your partner to mow the lawn? Trust me – it’s better to do it yourself or call the gardener.
But this is also a situation where you have to pick your battles. Don’t get annoyed over things that don’t affect you at all.
For example, if they refuse to go to their doctor’s appointment or procrastinate over finally taking that last exam – that’s their problem. Just let them be and show them that their toxic personality traits don’t bother you at all.
