Como lidar com o desgosto de amor: 15 maneiras comprovadas de curar a dor no coração

You’ve read about it, seen it in movies, heard about it in all those songs and your friends have gone through it.

However, this time, it’s happening to you—your heart is broken!

It’s even worse than you imagined! The emotional pain has been unbearable, you’ve been experiencing some feelings you didn’t even know you had and you’ve been wondering if this is the fim da vida que conheceste até agora.

No entanto, agora que o choque inicial já passou, é preciso começar a descobrir como lidar com desgosto da forma mais saudável possível.

This is probably happening to you for the first time—you’re completely clueless and you don’t know what to do, where to start or what to expect.

Well, that’s why we’re here to assist you and to give you the answer to the question: ‘How to deal with heartbreak?’ Just follow the tips below and you’ll be cured in no time!

15 dicas profissionais para lidar com um desgosto de amor

1. Estar consciente da realidade

Para a maioria das pessoas, uma das primeiras fases pós-separação do luto é a negação. A dor de perder alguém de quem se gosta tanto (mesmo que seja um namorador em série) is extremely deep, so it’s your body and mind’s natural reaction to act like nothing is actually going on.

Embora esta pareça ser uma abordagem mais fácil no início, a longo prazo, pode trazer-lhe muitos problemas. Por isso, se quiser acelerar o seu processo de cura, faça o seu melhor para saltar esta fase.

I know it’s difficult but sooner or later, you’ll have to face the harsh truth—whatever caused your heartbreak happened and it’s time for you to accept it.

It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about a break-up, a divorce or something else, be aware that this is the end and the final goodbye.

Stop expecting your ex partner to come back to you and stop making future plans which include them, as this way, you’re only deceiving yourself and prolonging your suffering.

Besides, the hardest truth is always better than the best lie. After all, once you accept the reality, at least you’ll know where you stand and you’ll be able to start over from scratch.

On the other hand, by lying to yourself, you’re just walking in circles and you’re not allowing yourself to move past this dead spot you got stuck in. It’s your choice!

2. Don’t repress your emotions

Outra coisa que, infelizmente, muitas pessoas tendem a fazer quando ficam com o coração partido, na esperança de que isso as ajude, é tentar fechar as suas emoções.

Well, let me tell you that doing something like this won’t make your pain magically go away and it will actually only make it greater.

No, pretending that you’re not hurt and burying your feelings deep in your heart won’t erase all the negativity.

At first glance, people will think that you’re better and that you’ve managed to successfully repara o teu coração partido. However, the truth is that you’ll just have made things worse than they have to be.

Yes, you might cry a little bit less but those tears you’re holding back will pile up inside of you until they explode like a volcano.

Therefore, the same way you have to accept the truth, you also have to face your pain, if you’re looking to have any progress whatsoever.

After all, if you want to defeat an enemy, you can’t hide from them—you have to look them straight in the eye and fight them with everything you’ve got.

Trust me—doing this is for your own good. Otherwise, years from now, you’ll catch yourself still feeling the consequences of your deeply rooted traumas and the worst part will be that you won’t even know where they’re coming from.

3. Give yourself time to grieve…

Now that you’ve prepared yourself mentally and emotionally for this processo de cura, it’s time to actually start it. The first step is to let yourself suffer and give yourself time to grieve.

I’ll be honest with you—you won’t be cured overnight, so do things one day at a time. Something like this lasts a while and it requires a lot of patience, energy, time, effort and your willingness to get better.

Por isso, nestas fases iniciais do luto pós-separação, faça tudo o que agradar ao seu coração partido.

Cry when you feel like crying, scream if you think it will make you feel better, listen to sad songs, eat a ton of ice cream, spend a few days in your pajamas without talking to anyone, watch all those cheesy romantic comedies, read love novels…

However, this doesn’t mean that you can allow this phrase to become your permanent state and to turn to depression.

The best way to prevent something like that from happening is to give yourself a deadline—a date until which you have the right to act this way and the day after, you’ll start putting the broken pieces of your shattered heart back together.

Remember that we all have a different grieving pace but that doesn’t mean that yours won’t come to an end.

After all, who knows you better than yourself? You’re the one who can predict the amount of time you’ll need to release the pain and to be ready for new victories, therefore, this deadline is fully up to you.

4. … but don’t wallow in self-pity

However, even when you’re at your lowest, please don’t feel sorry for yourself.

First of all, you’re not weak for feeling this way; there doesn’t exist a person in this world who hasn’t had a similar experience and whoever tells you differently is lying. This is all a part of life and a grande lição para o seu futuro.

Secondly, this is not the end of the world—it’s just a chance for a new beginning. Your life and heart will go on sooner or later, so please don’t see this as your spiritual death.

Yes, being heartbroken and breaking up with someone you love will probably leave consequences on you. Nevertheless, I can promise you one thing—you will survive.

Voltará a aprender a respirar, voltará a sorrir e voltará a apreciar as pequenas coisas da sua vida.

Even though I’m not trying to minimize your emotional pain (because I’m well aware of how much it hurts when a relationship ends), remember that a heartache is not the reason for your pessimism.

You’re alive and healthy, you’re in no physical pain and you’re reading this, which means that you belong to the more privileged part of the world. I bet you’re surrounded by a bunch of people who love you, therefore you have more than one reason to be happy.

Então, porque é que ainda tem a necessidade de chafurdar na auto-piedade?

5. Tentar obter uma conclusão

Toda a gente diz que a melhor maneira de lidar com o desgosto de amor é encerrar o assunto from your ex partner. Let’s be real—who wouldn’t want that?

Who wouldn’t like having all their questions answered and dilemmas sorted out? Knowing where things went wrong and how the other person feels right now?

Se acha que precisa de uma conversa final para seguir em frente, vá em frente. Telefone ou envie uma mensagem de texto ao seu ex-companheiro e diga-lhe que precisa dessa conversa final.

However, don’t use this as an excuse to try and get back together with them. Remember why you are there, sort everything out and leave it in the past, where it belongs, without licking your wounds any longer.

Nevertheless, be prepared for the possibility that your ex won’t give you the closure you’re looking for. Maybe they don’t want any contact or simply don’t have the answers you hope to get.

In this scenario, you have to find a way to get your own ending. I won’t lie to you—seguir em frente sem conclusão is a little bit harder but it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done.

Just accept that everything happened for a deeper cause. It’s enough for you to know that the two of you are not meant to be, that better things await you and this relationship will soon be just a distant memory.

Pare de pensar em tudo o que poderia ter sido e deveria ter sido. Em vez de desperdiçar a sua preciosa energia a procurar as razões para a sua separação e desgosto, invista todo o seu poder em sentir-se melhor.

6. Encontrar a força para perdoar

When your relationship ends and when someone causes you this much emotional pain, it’s natural that at first you feel this overwhelming anger.

O seu primeiro impulso é a vingança; quer dar ao seu ex-companheiro o gosto do seu próprio remédio, quer que ele se sinta de coração partido também e queres vingar-te.

Even though I’m not here to judge you for this, since it’s a completely normal reaction to the trauma you’ve lived through, please think things through. What would you actually achieve by getting your sweet revenge?

Saber que a outra pessoa está magoada reduziria a sua dor? Curá-lo-ia por magia?

You might feel a little bit better at the start but later on, you’ll see that they actually won—they made you become the same as them and they filled your soul with bitterness and negative thoughts.

Therefore, the best thing you can do here is find the strength to forgive your former partner who broke your heart. No, you shouldn’t be doing so for their sake, since that’s probably the last thing they deserve; do it for your own good.

Por favor, seja a pessoa mais importante e aceite as desculpas que nunca recebeu. Liberte os pensamentos e as emoções negativas e faça algo de bom para a sua saúde mental.

Trust me—it’s the only way to liberate yourself from resentment. After all, that’s the difference between being consumed with love or hatred toward this person; they’re still on your mind.

7. Manter-se afastado do abuso de substâncias

When wondering how to deal with heartbreak, many people find refuge in different substances, such as drugs, painkillers or alcohol. If this is something you have in mind, please know that it won’t get you anywhere.

I know that you want to get wasted because you probably see it as the only way to forget about everything you’re going through. In a situation like this, you’re choosing a way to numb your pain and thoughts but this is not the path to choose.

After all, you can drink or get high for days but you’ll have to sober up sooner or later.

When that happens, all of your troubles will be there, patiently waiting for you to solve them; they won’t have magically vanished just because you spent some time oblivious and in the dark.

Have in mind that substance abuse won’t resolve your problems—it will only cause you some bigger ones.

Before you know it, you’ll find yourself trying to get rid of your addiction while still in the process of overcoming your heartbreak, which can be a fatal combination.

Besides, is your former partner really worth you destroying your life over them? They’re probably somewhere enjoying themselves while you’re putting everything you have at stake because of them.

8. Ser fisicamente ativo

Another way to let go of all these negative emotions, thoughts and energy you’ve got piled up inside and to redirect them somewhere else is to be physically active.

It’s actually pretty simple; if you want to give your mind and heart some rest, tire your body out as much as possible.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should burden yourself to the point of physical exhaustion but keeping yourself busy in these times is one of the best options you have.

I know that you feel completely incapable of being productive but you can make it. For starters, hit the gym or find new hobbies—whatever keeps your mind off things.

You can engage in learning a new language or go back to some of your old interests. Trust me—when you fulfill your entire day, you’ll have no time left to think about your broken heart.

9. Faz as coisas que te fazem feliz

Let’s dig a little deeper into the past; before you met this person who you think ruined you.

Quais eram as coisas que o faziam feliz nessa altura? O que gostavas de fazer e como gostavas de passar o teu tempo?

Bem, estas são as coisas a que deve recorrer. Mime-se and do whatever fulfills your heart’s desires, as long as you’re not endangering yourself or anyone else in your surroundings.

Even though you don’t believe me now, soon enough you’ll see that your ex partner is not the only source of happiness for you. In fact, there are other things and people you’ll find joy in and that is where you should put all of your focus.

10. Guardar os lembretes

Uma das coisas mais importantes a fazer enquanto tenta descobrir como lidar com o desgosto de amor é livrar-se de tudo o que o possa fazer lembrar dessa pessoa.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for you to go full no contact—no calling them, no texting, no staying friends and no following them on social media.

Essa pessoa fez-lhe mal e a única maneira de a afastar do seu coração é afastá-la também da sua vista.

However, even though many people stick to the no contact rule, they don’t accomplish much since they remain surrounded by reminders of their ex.

There is no point in you cutting ties with this person if you’ll continue stalking their social media profiles from a fake profile, if you’ll keep photos of you two all around your apartment, if you listen to the songs you two danced to together or if you stay in touch with their best friends and family, talking about them and trying to get information.

Don’t get me wrong—your ex partner was a huge part of your life and you shouldn’t try to erase them from your memory, as if they never existed.

No entanto, pelo menos a partir de agora, afaste-se de tudo e de todos os que possam servir-lhe de recordação da sua relação falhada.

11. Trabalhar a sua autoestima

Outra coisa crucial em todo este processo é começar a reconstruir a sua autoestima. A pior coisa que se pode permitir é sentir-se indigno ou incapaz de ser amado, só porque teve uma má experiência amorosa.

Poderá perguntar-se porque é que a autoconfiança é tão importante quando se lida com um desgosto de amor.

Well, once you finally see your true value, you’ll understand how much you deserve and all of a sudden, your ex who never treated you right will be out of your league and you’ll forget all about them with more ease.

Por isso, em vez disso, continua a dizer a ti próprio que esta separação é a sua perda; you’re a valuable human being and you will love and be loved in the future.

É mais fácil falar do que fazer, eu sei. No entanto, existem algumas formas eficazes de aumentar a sua confiança.

Para começar, tente enumerar todas as coisas boas que fez na vida; concentre-se nas suas realizações e não nos seus fracassos.

Also, it’s a good idea to present yourself with a set of tiny challenges. Each time you acquire a new short-term goal, you’ll see that you should be proud of yourself and your self-faith will slowly begin to be restored.

12. Remember that you’re in charge

Let’s be honest here—you can’t control what is happening around you. You can play by the rules, do everything by the book and give the best version of yourself to someone but that doesn’t ensure that you’ll get the same treatment in return.

As much as you try, you can never control other people’s actions. So, why bother trying?

However, don’t you ever forget that you’re in complete charge of your reactions to certain life events and that you have full control of your emotions and state of mind.

It’s up to you whether you’ll allow some things to tear you apart or make you even stronger; it’s your choice whether you’ll look at life optimistically or negatively.

Therefore, it’s your decision whether your heartbreak will break you entirely as well.

Remember—a vossa felicidade can never be in someone else’s hands. You’re the ruler of your own life and you’re stronger than your emotions—not the other way around.

13. Don’t force yourself into anything you’re not ready for

Remember what we said… One day at a time.

It means that you should never force yourself into doing something you don’t feel comfortable with or ready for and this especially applies to romantic relationships.

Ninguém lhe está a dizer para levantar a guarda e fechar o seu coração ao amor para sempre só por causa de uma má experiência. De facto, isso seria provavelmente a coisa mais insensata que poderia fazer.

No entanto, cuidado com o perigo de relações de ricochete.

Don’t go back in the dating market to fool yourself that you’re doing better, don’t do it to get even with your ex who moved on before you and especially don’t do it to convince the people in your surroundings that you’re recovering successfully, according to their standards.

Even though people might advise you to jump into a new relationship in order to heal your heartbreak, if you do so just for the sake of forgetting your past, you’ll only deepen your wounds.

Don’t allow your emotional baggage to ruin your future. Take your time and patiently wait until true love comes to you, instead of forcing it.

One day, when you kiss someone, do it for your own sake and do it once you see that you’re completely recovered from your past traumas; that’s only fair to you and to your new partner and anything else is self-deception.

14. Tomar o facto como uma lição

Apesar de um desgosto ser algo que ninguém gosta de passar, terminar uma relação romântica pela primeira vez também pode servir como um duro mas valioso lição.

It can teach you more than you think and it can help you grow into the person you’re destined to be; you just have to let it.

For starters, this awful experience is an indicator of your inner strength. It shows you that a simple heartache can’t destroy you and that you have the ability to overcome much worse things than this.

Secondly, going through something like this shows you that you don’t really need anyone, especially not your former partner. You might think that this person is essential for your survival but here you are, breathing without them.

15. Pedir ajuda

Finally, don’t look for the answer to the question: ‘How to deal with heartbreak?’ on your own. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help from your trusted friends or closest family members.

I’m not telling you to follow their advice blindly but ask them to be there for you, to listen to you when you need it, to give you their support and to be your shoulder to cry on. Trust me—everything is easier when you’re not alone.

Além disso, se sentir que o seu amigos de confiança and family can’t give you the assistance you need, look for professional help. Turn to a mental health specialist and I assure you that they’ll show you the right path!