11 razões válidas para não sair com um homem que tem filhos

A verdade é que quando se trata de namorar um pai solteiro, as opiniões dividem-se. Some people think that it’s a very bad idea to indulge in uma relação com alguém que tem filhos, and then there are those who think that the fact they have kids doesn’t change much.

To be honest, I still don’t know which side I am on, but I’m here to share a couple of things o que deve saber sobre namorar um pai solteiroe algumas razões sólidas para não sair com um homem com um filho.

All of these reasons are coming from my own experience, and I truly hope they’ll help you make the right decision.

Once you decide to weigh all those pros and cons, don’t remember to include your feelings there, too. In other words, if you truly love that guy, and feel it’s mutual, then go for it and let fate decide what will come out of it.

11 fortes razões para não sair com um homem com filhos

É claro que existem tanto os maus como os lados bons quando se trata de namorar um rapaz solteiro com um filho. However, today, we’ll talk about those cons, and here is a list of things and various reasons not to date a man with a kid.

Just to be clear, my intention truly isn’t to convince you that you shouldn’t indulge in a relationship with a guy with kids. I just want to warn you about some important things you’ll need to pay attention to, and how your life will have to change because of that relationship.

1. You’ll need to put in much work and effort into making it all work.

Uma relação saudável isn’t based solely on love. Ambos os parceiros têm de trabalhar e fazer o mesmo esforço para criar e manter uma parceria saudável.

E o facto é que este tipo de relação romântica vai precisar de ainda mais trabalho e esforço.

Pode ser difícil estabelecer algumas regras básicas e limites que vos ajudarão a manter a vossa relação, mas quando as definirem, tudo se tornará muito mais fácil.

No início, podem ter de enfrentar demasiado stress diariamente, mas se encontrarem uma forma de o ultrapassar, podem ter a certeza de que a vossa relação é sólida como uma rocha.

Keep in mind that just because you encounter a few obstacles at the beginning doesn’t mean that it’s not worth fighting for it. Your love will be tested in so many ways and so many times, but if you pass through all of it, you’ll know that it’s the real thing.

2. He’ll be very careful about making things official.

Todos os pais solteiros devem ter cuidado quando se trata de acolher alguém novo na sua vida. Não por causa deles, mas por causa dos seus filhos.

That’s the reason why your guy will want to take things slowly. He will take baby steps, and only after he becomes completely sure that you’re o únicoEle abre as portas da sua vida e recebe-o.

He won’t indulge in a relação de compromisso with you as long as you don’t show him that you’re truly worth it. He’ll also want to be sure that you’re on the same wavelength.

That’s why I think I should warn you that you shouldn’t have high hopes, at least not at the beginning of your relationship with a single dad.

Reduza as suas expectativas, e viver um dia de cada vez.

3. You’ll need to be understanding above everything else.

Tell me something… se he doesn’t let his kid meet you ou se ele a apresentar como uma nova amiga, é algo que toleraria? Porque essas coisas podem, de facto, acontecer.

You’ll really need to arm yourself with patience and understanding. The first time you start feeling that you can’t endure so much pressure is a bad sinal de que é preciso acabar o mais rapidamente possível.

4. Also, you have to be open to making compromises… A LOT of them.

You’ll need to accept that fazer compromissos tornar-se-á uma das partes mais importantes da vossa relação. That’s the only way you’ll be able to make things work between you.

You’ll most likely want to spend more time with him, and he’ll need to spend time with his kid, too. That’s the first compromise you’ll need to make in order to find a solution that will work for the both of you.

I don’t want to be misunderstood… compromises are a part of every relação saudável. However, because of his responsibilities and your different lifestyles, you’ll need to make compromises more often than other couples.

5. You won’t only be his girlfriend; you’ll become part of their family.

What you need to understand is that this relationship isn’t like every other. It’s happening under unique circumstances, and you’ll have to behave according to those circumstances.

Pode ter um primeiro encontro de sonho e o mais primeiro beijo perfeito, mas deve saber que muitos desafios se lhe seguirão. Understand that you won’t be dating any single guy… you’ll be dating a guy who has kids.

The point here is that you shouldn’t date men with kids if you aren’t ready to accept their kids and the title of ser madrasta.

You may not be able to spend the night at his place whenever you would like. You may not be able to spend the holidays together…

There will be many limitations, and you’ll have to accept each and every one of them if you want to maintain your relationship.

6. Nunca poderás ser a sua principal prioridade.

Another reason not to date a man with a kid is the fact that you’ll never be his number one priority. His kid/kids are the most important people in his life, and they’ll always take that place on his priority list.

He’ll most likely want a fresh start with you, but that still doesn’t mean that he’ll be rearranging his priorities.

His kid is his first love, and it will stay that way forever. Now, it’s up to you whether you will be able to accept it or if you will wait for the guy who’ll be able to make you his top priority.

7. Passar tempo de qualidade com ele será limitado.

He won’t spend all of his free time with his kid, but he most certainly will spend a great amount of it. So, if you like to have spontaneity in your relationship, forget about dating a single dad because you don’t get much freedom in that kind of relationship.

You may have a great time when you’re together, but it will still bother you that you aren’t able to spend more time with him.

You’ll share his time with his kid, and if you can’t accept that third party in your relationship, don’t even bother to enter into such a relationship.

8. A relação com a mãe biológica.

Even if they divorced years ago, even if she lives in a different state, you must know that she’ll always be present in their lives. O melhor que tem a fazer é tentar manter uma boa relação com ela.

You’ll have to tentar encontrar uma linguagem comum com ela porque isso será vital para a sua relação com ele e com as crianças. Ela é a mãe deles e isso nunca vai mudar.

On the other hand, that most certainly won’t be possible if she still has feelings for her ex-husband. She’ll be jealous of you, and the relationship between you two will greatly affect your relationship with him.

If he ever finds himself in a situation where he must choose sides, he’ll most certainly pick the side of his kid’s biological mother because she’s their mother and you’re someone he has just met and started dating.

9. You’ll need to reset your relationship expectations.

In my opinion, this is one of the top reasons not to date a man with a kid. You’ll need to reset your expectation for someone you don’t even know is truly worth all of it.

And, just try to imagine… what if he tells you after some time that he already has kids and doesn’t plan to have any more. What would you do if não concorda com ele sobre ter mais filhos?

Could you accept it and come to terms with the fact that you’ll never be able to sense that feeling of being a mother and having your own child?

Of course, these aren’t quite the things you’ll speak about during your first meeting. You may find it out too late once you fall head over heels in love with him…

These kinds of things will put a lot of pressure on you, and sooner or later, you’ll realize that it’s not what you want. And, by that point, too many hearts may be broken.

10. You’ll always be reminded of your title―the stepmom.

Despite your efforts and best intentions, the kid will always see you as his dad’s girlfriend… his stepmom. You’ll never be able to take the place of their mother, and you shouldn’t, in fact, but is that something you could really handle?

You’ll be a part of their family, but deep down, you’ll always feel like an outsider. Confiem em mim, eu sei que isto é o melhor porque esta sensação é-me muito familiar.

And, that feeling will eat you alive. You’ll feel like you’re torn apart between the man you love and the people he loves all the time. And, the worst thing is that he’ll be struggling with the same feeling as well.

11. A criança pode nunca o aceitar, apesar de todos os seus esforços.

O erro mais comum que a maioria das mulheres comete quando namora com um pai solteiro é forçar a criação de laços com o filho assim que o conhece. They think that if they succeed in establishing a good connection with his kid, it’ll be the greatest accomplishment for them.

There are a couple of reasons why that’s not true at all.

Firstly, in being so desperate to make a good relationship with his kid, you may neglect the one you have with him. Also, kids don’t like to be forced to accept such huge changes in their life, and it may only blow back at you.

Tem de aceitar a possibilidade de, apesar das suas melhores intenções, a criança nunca o aceitar verdadeiramente. If the kid starts feeling some negative emotions towards you, it’ll most certainly build a barrier between you and their father.

É claro que se deve tentar fazer uma boa impressão once he decides to meet you with his kid, but don’t ever force it. Just let things go naturally and hope for the best possible outcome.

É mau sair com um homem que tem um filho?

Esta pergunta pode, de facto, parecer um pouco ofensiva para todos os pais solteiros que andam por aí. The truth is, it’s not bad to date a single dad, BUT it’s a big deal and you really have to be prepared for all the challenges that can come with it.

You need to understand that you won’t just be a girlfriend/wife to some guy… you’ll also be a stepmom to some kid. That’s a huge responsibility, and you need to be both mentally and emotionally ready to take it.

Some things in your personal life will most definitely need to be changed. You’ll probably need to change some things about yourself. If you aren’t ready to accept it all, then it’s better not to indulge in such a relationship in the first place.

Vale a pena sair com um homem com filhos?

Claro que sim. O verdadeiro amor vale tudo. Every sacrifice, every obstacle… love is worth it all, and it always will be.

However, it’s only worth it if the love is mutual. If you can feel that he truly loves you and wants to fight for your love, then it’s worth it to withstand that kind of pressure.

If he’s equally committed to both sides, then you should fight for him.

Só se pode ter uma relação saudável e feliz se ambos estiverem dispostos a fazer o mesmo esforço para que as coisas funcionem. Tudo depende de si, mas lembre-se, amor verdadeiro pode conquistar tudo, e vale a pena.

Como é que se aceita um homem com um filho?

I dated men with kids in the past, and I’ll give you some advice from my own experience. First of all, you need to accept the fact that you’re dating a guy who has a huge responsibility towards other people in his life.

As much as he’ll want, he’ll never be able to make you his number one priority in life. In the best-case scenario, you can share that place with his child, but the fact is he’ll always put them above you.

And, it’s normal and it’s how things should be. If you don’t have kids, this may be difficult for you to understand, but you most certainly will once you have your own child.

You should actually look at things on the bright side… it would only mean that one day, he’ll also be the best father to your kids, too, and that’s something you should appreciate the most.

Conclusão

Aqui tem; uma lista de 11 razões para não sair com um homem com um filho. Agora, a decisão cabe-lhe a si. You know what’s best for you and whether you are ready to commit to that kind of relationship or not.

However, you should know that once you make the decision to indulge in a relationship with a single dad, it’ll be very hard to back out. Well, normally, no one can stop you from ending it, but you may break more than one heart by that action.

Preste atenção a si próprio e as suas próprias necessidades. He may be a great man, but if you think that he can’t fulfill your needs and expectations the way you would like, don’t date him.

No matter what you decide, don’t bother explaining yourself to anyone. In the end, a vossa felicidade é o mais importante!