The truth is that when it comes to dating a single parent, opinions are divided. Some people think that it’s a very bad idea to indulge in a relationship with someone who has kids, and then there are those who think that the fact they have kids doesn’t change much.
To be honest, I still don’t know which side I am on, but I’m here to share a couple of things you should know about dating a single dad, and a few solid reasons not to date a man with a kid.
All of these reasons are coming from my own experience, and I truly hope they’ll help you make the right decision.
Once you decide to weigh all those pros and cons, don’t remember to include your feelings there, too. In other words, if you truly love that guy, and feel it’s mutual, then go for it and let fate decide what will come out of it.
11 Strong Reasons Not To Date A Man With A Kid
Of course, there are both bad and good sides when it comes to dating a single guy with a child. However, today, we’ll talk about those cons, and here is a list of things and various reasons not to date a man with a kid.
Just to be clear, my intention truly isn’t to convince you that you shouldn’t indulge in a relationship with a guy with kids. I just want to warn you about some important things you’ll need to pay attention to, and how your life will have to change because of that relationship.
1. You’ll need to put in much work and effort into making it all work.
A healthy relationship isn’t based solely on love. Both partners need to work and put in an equal amount of effort in order to make and maintain a healthy partnership.
And, the fact is that this kind of romantic relationship will need even more hard work and effort.
You may have a hard time setting some ground rules and boundaries that will help you maintain your relationship, but once you define those, everything will become much easier.
In the beginning, you may struggle with too much stress on a daily basis, but if you find a way to overcome it, you can be sure that your relationship is a rock-solid one.
Keep in mind that just because you encounter a few obstacles at the beginning doesn’t mean that it’s not worth fighting for it. Your love will be tested in so many ways and so many times, but if you pass through all of it, you’ll know that it’s the real thing.
2. He’ll be very careful about making things official.
All single parents must be careful when it comes to welcoming someone new into their life. Not because of them, but because of their children.
That’s the reason why your guy will want to take things slowly. He will take baby steps, and only after he becomes completely sure that you’re the one, he will open the doors of his life and welcome you in.
He won’t indulge in a committed relationship with you as long as you don’t show him that you’re truly worth it. He’ll also want to be sure that you’re on the same wavelength.
That’s why I think I should warn you that you shouldn’t have high hopes, at least not at the beginning of your relationship with a single dad.
Lower your expectations, and take it one day at a time.
3. You’ll need to be understanding above everything else.
Tell me something… if he doesn’t let his kid meet you or if he introduces you as a new friend to them, is it something that you would tolerate? Because those things may happen indeed.
You’ll really need to arm yourself with patience and understanding. The first time you start feeling that you can’t endure so much pressure is a bad sign that you need to end it as soon as possible.
4. Also, you have to be open to making compromises… A LOT of them.
You’ll need to accept that making compromises will become one of the most important parts of your relationship. That’s the only way you’ll be able to make things work between you.
You’ll most likely want to spend more time with him, and he’ll need to spend time with his kid, too. That’s the first compromise you’ll need to make in order to find a solution that will work for the both of you.
I don’t want to be misunderstood… compromises are a part of every healthy relationship. However, because of his responsibilities and your different lifestyles, you’ll need to make compromises more often than other couples.
5. You won’t only be his girlfriend; you’ll become part of their family.
What you need to understand is that this relationship isn’t like every other. It’s happening under unique circumstances, and you’ll have to behave according to those circumstances.
You may have a dreamy first date and the most perfect first kiss, but you should know that many challenges will follow after it. Understand that you won’t be dating any single guy… you’ll be dating a guy who has kids.
The point here is that you shouldn’t date men with kids if you aren’t ready to accept their kids and the title of being a stepmom.
You may not be able to spend the night at his place whenever you would like. You may not be able to spend the holidays together…
There will be many limitations, and you’ll have to accept each and every one of them if you want to maintain your relationship.
6. You can never become his main priority.
Another reason not to date a man with a kid is the fact that you’ll never be his number one priority. His kid/kids are the most important people in his life, and they’ll always take that place on his priority list.
He’ll most likely want a fresh start with you, but that still doesn’t mean that he’ll be rearranging his priorities.
His kid is his first love, and it will stay that way forever. Now, it’s up to you whether you will be able to accept it or if you will wait for the guy who’ll be able to make you his top priority.
7. Spending quality time with him will be limited.
He won’t spend all of his free time with his kid, but he most certainly will spend a great amount of it. So, if you like to have spontaneity in your relationship, forget about dating a single dad because you don’t get much freedom in that kind of relationship.
You may have a great time when you’re together, but it will still bother you that you aren’t able to spend more time with him.
You’ll share his time with his kid, and if you can’t accept that third party in your relationship, don’t even bother to enter into such a relationship.
8. The relationship with the biological mother.
Even if they divorced years ago, even if she lives in a different state, you must know that she’ll always be present in their lives. The best thing you can do is to try to be on good terms with her.
You’ll have to try to find a common language with her because it will be vital for your relationship with both him and the kids. She is their mother and that will never change.
On the other hand, that most certainly won’t be possible if she still has feelings for her ex-husband. She’ll be jealous of you, and the relationship between you two will greatly affect your relationship with him.
If he ever finds himself in a situation where he must choose sides, he’ll most certainly pick the side of his kid’s biological mother because she’s their mother and you’re someone he has just met and started dating.
9. You’ll need to reset your relationship expectations.
In my opinion, this is one of the top reasons not to date a man with a kid. You’ll need to reset your expectation for someone you don’t even know is truly worth all of it.
And, just try to imagine… what if he tells you after some time that he already has kids and doesn’t plan to have any more. What would you do if you disagree with him about having more kids?
Could you accept it and come to terms with the fact that you’ll never be able to sense that feeling of being a mother and having your own child?
Of course, these aren’t quite the things you’ll speak about during your first meeting. You may find it out too late once you fall head over heels in love with him…
These kinds of things will put a lot of pressure on you, and sooner or later, you’ll realize that it’s not what you want. And, by that point, too many hearts may be broken.
10. You’ll always be reminded of your title―the stepmom.
Despite your efforts and best intentions, the kid will always see you as his dad’s girlfriend… his stepmom. You’ll never be able to take the place of their mother, and you shouldn’t, in fact, but is that something you could really handle?
You’ll be a part of their family, but deep down, you’ll always feel like an outsider. Trust me, I know this the best because that feeling is very familiar to me.
And, that feeling will eat you alive. You’ll feel like you’re torn apart between the man you love and the people he loves all the time. And, the worst thing is that he’ll be struggling with the same feeling as well.
11. The kid may never accept you despite all your efforts.
The most common mistake most women make when dating a single dad is that they force bonding with his kid as soon as they meet them. They think that if they succeed in establishing a good connection with his kid, it’ll be the greatest accomplishment for them.
There are a couple of reasons why that’s not true at all.
Firstly, in being so desperate to make a good relationship with his kid, you may neglect the one you have with him. Also, kids don’t like to be forced to accept such huge changes in their life, and it may only blow back at you.
You need to accept that there is a possibility that despite your best intentions, the kid may never truly accept you. If the kid starts feeling some negative emotions towards you, it’ll most certainly build a barrier between you and their father.
Of course, you should try to make a good impression once he decides to meet you with his kid, but don’t ever force it. Just let things go naturally and hope for the best possible outcome.
Is It Bad To Date A Guy With A Kid?
This question can actually sound a bit offensive to all single dads out there. The truth is, it’s not bad to date a single dad, BUT it’s a big deal and you really have to be prepared for all the challenges that can come with it.
You need to understand that you won’t just be a girlfriend/wife to some guy… you’ll also be a stepmom to some kid. That’s a huge responsibility, and you need to be both mentally and emotionally ready to take it.
Some things in your personal life will most definitely need to be changed. You’ll probably need to change some things about yourself. If you aren’t ready to accept it all, then it’s better not to indulge in such a relationship in the first place.
Is It Worth It To Date A Man With Kids?
Of course, it is. True love is worth everything. Every sacrifice, every obstacle… love is worth it all, and it always will be.
However, it’s only worth it if the love is mutual. If you can feel that he truly loves you and wants to fight for your love, then it’s worth it to withstand that kind of pressure.
If he’s equally committed to both sides, then you should fight for him.
You can have the healthiest and happiest relationship only if both of you are ready to put equal effort into making things work. Everything is up to you, but remember, true love can conquer everything, and it is worth it all.
How Do You Accept A Man With A Child?
I dated men with kids in the past, and I’ll give you some advice from my own experience. First of all, you need to accept the fact that you’re dating a guy who has a huge responsibility towards other people in his life.
As much as he’ll want, he’ll never be able to make you his number one priority in life. In the best-case scenario, you can share that place with his child, but the fact is he’ll always put them above you.
And, it’s normal and it’s how things should be. If you don’t have kids, this may be difficult for you to understand, but you most certainly will once you have your own child.
You should actually look at things on the bright side… it would only mean that one day, he’ll also be the best father to your kids, too, and that’s something you should appreciate the most.
There you have it; a list of 11 reasons not to date a man with a kid. Now, the decision is up to you. You know what’s best for you and whether you are ready to commit to that kind of relationship or not.
However, you should know that once you make the decision to indulge in a relationship with a single dad, it’ll be very hard to back out. Well, normally, no one can stop you from ending it, but you may break more than one heart by that action.
Pay attention to yourself and your own needs. He may be a great man, but if you think that he can’t fulfill your needs and expectations the way you would like, don’t date him.
No matter what you decide, don’t bother explaining yourself to anyone. In the end, your happiness is what counts the most!