Um tolo que se apaixonou por um tolo

She made her favorite meal to share with you. She took time out of her evening to prep herself for you. She picked the perfect outfit. She did her hair perfectly to show off her neck and face just the way she thought you would like. She took the time to put her make-up on like you had never seen before. She lit the candle that reminded her of you—soft and sweet. She did all this because you told her before leaving work that you would be home for dinner. You told her you would message her shortly. She waited and waited for your reply. Only to once again not hear from you.

A tua metade da refeição arrefeceu, apenas para ser colocada no frigorífico para ela comer mais tarde. A vela que parecia tão doce e uma bela lembrança de ti queimou-se. A roupa dela passou despercebida. O cabelo desfez-se. A maquilhagem foi apagada antes que se pudesse ver. Porque ela era a tola que se apaixonou por um tolo.

The fool who doesn’t know how to hold on to her tightly even when she told you how to. You never gave her a chance to let you into her life. Ela estava à espera que fosses o homem que ela precisava que fosses. O homem que ela te disse que queria. Apenas para estar lá. Para aparecer quando disseste que o farias. Chamar-lhe bonita quando a achava a mulher mais bonita. Para falar com ela quando disseste que a ias contactar.

Ela pensou que estavas a ser sincero quando disseste que querias mais do que uns rolinhos nos lençóis. Ela queria amor. Tu querias amor. Querias alguém que fosse como ela. Mas não ela. Ela queria alguém como tu e ainda espera que sejas o homem que ela quer. Colocou-a à distância para provar que ela era a pessoa que queria. Só para ela se sentir a amante da tua vida.

O coração dela batia por ti. O seu coração também se partia por tua causa. Ela disse a si própria que tu serias diferente. Que todas as miúdas e beldades que punhas nas tuas mensagens eram só para ela. Mas agora ela percebe que tu nunca serás quem ela precisa que sejas.

Ela precisa do homem que disseste que serias. Aquele que estava entusiasmado por lhe mandar uma mensagem de bom dia porque queria que o dia dela começasse bem ou porque ela era o primeiro pensamento que tinha quando acordava. Dizias-lhe para ter cuidado quando conduzias e pedias-lhe para te enviar uma mensagem quando chegasse a casa, só porque querias que ela estivesse segura. Era em ti que ela pensava que queria ser o seu melhor amigo na vida, com quem partilhar a vida. Ou ter a possibilidade de ter uma vida em comum.

But the closer she got, the quieter you got, the fewer good morning texts she got. Even when you stayed with her, you weren’t there next to her when she woke up. Instead, you were a million miles away. She would joke about you not wanting her but in reality, it’s what she was feeling. She felt like you were leaving her behind. She felt like you were leaving her before you could even get started.

Ela sabia no seu coração que you weren’t the one. But there is something about you that she can’t put her finger on. Everything about you drives her insane and annoys her. But that everything is what she loves about you. She truly cares for you. She cares for your family and even though she has never met them, she hopes to.

But this time she isn’t going to wait for you. This time she will live her life the way she wants. Go on the adventures that you didn’t seem to be interested in. The next dinner you miss out on will not be because you didn’t message her back or stood her up. No, the next dinner you miss out on will be because she didn’t invite you over. The next dinner, she will get dolled up for herself. With the hairstyle that will show off her face and neck that she likes. With the make-up that she will do because it will show off the favorite things about her face. With the perfect outfit she will pick out because it will hug her the way she deserves to be hugged. She may be a fool who fell for a fool but she won’t be a fool to keep waiting for a fool.

Instead, she will see that you’re the fool who let her get away. And the next time you message, she may not respond to you. She may just ignore it and let it go unread for days and days, until her mailbox is full of worried messages from you. Your phone calls will go unanswered and it may be because she might have phone problems or even because she is just busy.

She doesn’t want you to be the fool to come crawling back on your knees, asking for forgiveness. In fact, she doesn’t want you to be a fool at all. She just wants you to be the man you seemed to be. The one who wanted so much from her but who you couldn’t be for her.

She doesn’t want you to apologize for the times you were gone. She doesn’t want a bunch of flowers that will die in a few days. She doesn’t want makeup dinners. She doesn’t even want makeup dates. She just wants you to show her you will be there. You were nothing you said you were, nothing you seemed to be.

Ela só quer que sejas tu. Não o tolo que estás a fazer.

by Stevie Rae Pears