She made her favorite meal to share with you. She took time out of her evening to prep herself for you. She picked the perfect outfit. She did her hair perfectly to show off her neck and face just the way she thought you would like. She took the time to put her make-up on like you had never seen before. She lit the candle that reminded her of you—soft and sweet. She did all this because you told her before leaving work that you would be home for dinner. You told her you would message her shortly. She waited and waited for your reply. Only to once again not hear from you.
Your half of the meal went cold, only to be put in the fridge for her to eat later on. The candle that seemed so sweet and a beautiful reminder of you burned out. Her outfit went unnoticed. Her hair became undone. Her make-up was wiped off before you could see it. Because she was the fool who fell for a fool.
The fool who doesn’t know how to hold on to her tightly even when she told you how to. You never gave her a chance to let you into her life. She was waiting for you to be the man she needed you to be. The man she told you she wanted. Just to be there. To come around when you said you would. Call her beautiful when you thought she was the most beautiful woman. To talk to her when you said you would get a hold of her.
She thought you were being truthful when you said you wanted more than a few rolls in the sheets. She wanted love. You wanted love. You wanted someone who was just like her. Just not her. She wanted someone just like you and still hopes you are that man she wants. You put her at a distance to prove that she was the one you wanted. Only for her to feel like the mistress in your life.
Her heart was beating for you. Her heart was also breaking because of you. She told herself you would be different. That all the babes and beautifuls you put in your messages were only for her. But now she realizes you will never be who she needs you to be.
She needs the man who you said you would be. The one who was excited to text her good morning because you wanted her day to start off well or because she was the first thought you had when you woke up. You would tell her to be safe when driving and ask her to text you when she got home, just because you wanted her to be safe. You were the one she thought who wanted to be her best friend in life, to share a life with. Or to have the possibility of having a life with each other.
But the closer she got, the quieter you got, the fewer good morning texts she got. Even when you stayed with her, you weren’t there next to her when she woke up. Instead, you were a million miles away. She would joke about you not wanting her but in reality, it’s what she was feeling. She felt like you were leaving her behind. She felt like you were leaving her before you could even get started.
She knew in her heart that you weren’t the one. But there is something about you that she can’t put her finger on. Everything about you drives her insane and annoys her. But that everything is what she loves about you. She truly cares for you. She cares for your family and even though she has never met them, she hopes to.
But this time she isn’t going to wait for you. This time she will live her life the way she wants. Go on the adventures that you didn’t seem to be interested in. The next dinner you miss out on will not be because you didn’t message her back or stood her up. No, the next dinner you miss out on will be because she didn’t invite you over. The next dinner, she will get dolled up for herself. With the hairstyle that will show off her face and neck that she likes. With the make-up that she will do because it will show off the favorite things about her face. With the perfect outfit she will pick out because it will hug her the way she deserves to be hugged. She may be a fool who fell for a fool but she won’t be a fool to keep waiting for a fool.
Instead, she will see that you’re the fool who let her get away. And the next time you message, she may not respond to you. She may just ignore it and let it go unread for days and days, until her mailbox is full of worried messages from you. Your phone calls will go unanswered and it may be because she might have phone problems or even because she is just busy.
She doesn’t want you to be the fool to come crawling back on your knees, asking for forgiveness. In fact, she doesn’t want you to be a fool at all. She just wants you to be the man you seemed to be. The one who wanted so much from her but who you couldn’t be for her.
She doesn’t want you to apologize for the times you were gone. She doesn’t want a bunch of flowers that will die in a few days. She doesn’t want makeup dinners. She doesn’t even want makeup dates. She just wants you to show her you will be there. You were nothing you said you were, nothing you seemed to be.
She just wants you to be you. Not the fool that you are acting like.
by Stevie Rae Pears