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A Realistic Guide To Surviving The WORST Break-Up Ever

A Realistic Guide To Surviving The WORST Break-Up Ever

Truth time. Every break-up is the worst one ever. And each one is going to hurt until it doesn’t. Despite the fact that really and truly, time and only time will ease the pain, hearing that when you’re in the throes of said pain never seems to be helpful. So what the fuck is? Nothing really. BUT… leaning into it a little will help it along.

So the absolute first thing you need to do is:

1. Cry that shit out. Lie down, curl up into a ball and ugly-cry the fuck out of your face. Do not stop until your head hurts, your eyes are swollen shut, and your guts are raw.

2. If you don’t eat an entire pizza and a pint of ice cream… are you even really sad? I don’t think so. Eat your feelings.

3. Wine. Vodka. Wine. Repeat. Need I say more?

4. Call in sick to work. You are too ugly (from crying) and too bloated (from pizza) and way too slightly buzzed (okay, shit-faced) (from the wine). It is totally okay to take a sick day for this. Your head hurts, your heart hurts, and you don’t need to risk your livelihood trying to be a work hero. Making your feelings a priority now may help prevent them from spilling over into your professional life later.

5. Call your mom, your sister, or your bestie. Call them all! Call whoever you can who will make you feel like you’ve got this, and who will say all the things you need to hear to make it okay for right now… even if it really isn’t.

6. Don’t look back. Don’t call him, or answer him if he calls you. Do not stalk him, IRL or online (no drive-bys – as in driving by his place, work, gym, favorite bar, baby mama’s house etc. just to catch a glimpse of… NOTHING! Don’t do it!), no texting, no social media, I said NOTHING!!!). Quit him cold turkey like a cigarette that has given you cancer and even just one puff could kill you… because it can. And if you do take that puff… you will end up back at number one. Don’t worry if that’s what you do… we’ve all done it. No judgments here. Cry that shit out again and hope that this time is the last time you let him hurt you.

7. Sleep. Escape the brutal pain of reality while your body does all of the wonderful rejuvenating things that it does during rest. Not to mention the sweet reprieve you get from all your feelings.

8. Exercise. Not because you need to look hot to win him back, or to make him jealous, or to show him what he’s lost. This is about YOU. And not because you’re unhappy with your body either. You’re going to do this to just do it for the sake of doing it! WHAT?!?! Why, why you ask? Why am I trying to torture you with terrible advice? Endorphins, my friends. Endorphins. They are YOUR friend. They will make you feel better from the inside out… and who the fuck doesn’t want that?

9. Now finally… once you’ve taken a little time to nurse yourself, and nourish your soul, get it together. Stand up straight, with your shoulders back, smile, straighten your crown, and fake it till you make it… or at least until you start to feel like you again. And, guess what? You will feel like you again. I promise!

When you are in the middle of it… it’s hard to see that you will get through it. But you will—you have before, and you may have to again. You are strong, and you are going to pick yourself up from this heartache and keep on moving. You are going to take the lesson and let go of the pain it caused. Eventually. You got this!