1. He is a master of manipulation.
If you constantly have the feeling that you are the only one investing in your relationship, then the odds are you are probably right. He acts like that is how things are supposed to be and you owe him something.
He’ll make you believe that everything he says is true. He’ll make you feel guilty even if you know you are not the one to blame. He is so good at manipulation you can’t even detect it. And the reason you can’t see it is because you care too much and you are just too close to see the whole picture.
The first thing you have to realize is that you don’t owe him anything. If you keep some distance even for a while, you will see that he is not the God-sent gift to you and that he is not all-knowing. Don’t let him use the fact that you care about him to manipulate you.
2. You have to prove your love.
He constantly puts you in situations where you have to choose between him and somebody else or something else. And somehow you will always feel the need to choose him and that is exactly what he wants.
He’ll say things like: “You don’t really love me if you would rather spend the night with your friends than with me.” “I think you look your best when you wear casual clothes. Who are you dressing up for then? Isn’t my opinion the most important?”
Everything you do that doesn’t involve him, or is contrary to something he believes, makes him feel bad and insecure. So he constantly seeks proof of your love.
Don’t fall into this trap. You have to have things you do for you. You have to have your own friends and spend time with them. You can have a need to dress up and look pretty to make yourself happy. Let him know that you are important too and you don’t have to agree with everything he says.
3. He has sudden mood swings.
He will have moments when he is so nice and loving and in a matter of seconds, he will be mean and unpleasant towards you. He will give his best one day but the next day you will find yourself wondering what did you do to upset him.
The usual answer when you ask him what’s wrong will be, “Nothing. All good!” and you can feel that it’s everything but good. You’ll know that the behavior is uncalled for but you will justify it anyway and you will do your best to make him feel better.
Let go of the need to indulge him. He is so used to you trying to cheer him up in these situations. The best thing you can do is go – take a walk and return when things settle. Don’t let him make something out of nothing. If something is really not OK, he should say it aloud like a real man; you are not a mind reader.
4. Sorry is not a word in his dictionary.
He’ll make you say, “I am sorry” as many times as necessary, even for something you don’t have to be sorry for. He is good at inflicting guilt. But when you expect his apology, you are waiting in vain.
His ego doesn’t allow him to apologize or admit that he has done something wrong. He would rather lie and spin the story his way than apologize.
So, don’t spend your precious energy expecting him to behave differently. Simply move on, but without him. Don’t get too involved in discussions but don’t give up on the truth either. He probably cares more about being right than being happy.
The things listed above are the most common things that happen when you are dealing with a toxic man. His primary weapon is manipulation and it can have many different varieties, so be careful and open your eyes.
If he is getting desperate in his manipulations, that’s because he needs something from you and not the other way around. He probably needs to feel your love. He seeks your approval. He needs you so he can feel better about himself.
You can stay or you can walk away, the decision is up to you; just make sure you don’t regret it. Make sure that you don’t suffer because you love him. The price you pay shouldn’t be too high.