Love can be hard work as it is… but when you’re in a relationship with a controlling partner, it can get that much harder trying to make things work while being scrutinized about every little thing you do.
Sometimes, your partner’s controlling habits aren’t yet that serious that they can’t be managed and worked on, so that you can go back to that healthy relationship you once had.
Controlling behavior is often a manifestation of his own insecurities and shortcomings and he simply doesn’t know any other way to deal with them than projecting it all onto you.
This can often be a very trying time and it’s crucial you nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand.
You want to make sure that it doesn’t cross over to a more dangerous territory where you feel at risk in any way, which would be an immediate red flag to leave that relationship!
But if you feel like the guy you fell in love with is still in there somewhere and you know you can get him back to the way he normally is, there are some helpful things you can try out in order to get your relationship back on track.
If you are certain that you want to remain with this person and that there is genuine hope that he can get his act together, keep on reading, because here you will find exactly how to improve his problematic habits and get back to that happy place.
Here are 5 tips on how to deal with his controlling habits in the healthiest way.
1. Remain calm and never resort to arguing or bickering
Stooping down to his level and resorting to arguing with him is only going to escalate the already problematic situation.
Instead, stay cool, calm and collected and ask him (once he’s said his piece) if he has considered your side of things and calmly state what that is.
Never raise your voice and instead try to rationally get him to at least hear you out.
This may not work with everybody but it is your best chance to be at least heard and potentially understood.
Take what he said into account but remain confident about what you think is best.
2. Really try and understand where he is coming from and consider things from his point of view
If your partner is being irrational and is making questionable demands from you, take a step back and put yourself in his shoes.
Try to see things the way he sees them and understand why exactly he would feel that what he’s saying is okay and acceptable.
You may realize that he does have a point but is still proving it in the wrong way, so try and explain that you understand what he’s saying but you feel he’s being a bit too harsh.
Never use this to make excuses for being overly aggressive and rude, only for instances that aren’t as serious or worrisome.
3. Ask him to explain exactly why he wants a certain thing and don’t get defensive
If he demands you be back home from your girls’ night at a particular hour, ask him exactly why that would be okay, since he stays out for as long as he wants.
Tell him that you’ll check in with him and let him know where you are so that he doesn’t worry but also suggest that you really do deserve a night off with your girls.
Make sure he knows that it is totally harmless and assure him you would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship.
Ask for him to trust you, because if he doesn’t, what’s the point?
Stand your ground and tell him you’ll be out for as long as you want but that you would much rather that he be on-board, as there is really nothing to worry about because you love and respect him.
4. Set clear boundaries and explain what you will and will not tolerate from him
If your partner doesn’t seem to have a problem with micromanaging you and scrutinizing your every move, explain to him the problematic side of this and state your boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Tell him exactly what you have a problem with and explain why.
Make sure he understands things that you will no longer tolerate and that he takes you seriously.
Take his opinions into consideration at all times but just make it known that sometimes he crosses a line and you are not okay with that.
Finding a middle ground is his best bet to keep you.
5. Try going to couple’s therapy and give it a final go
If your controlling partner doesn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of your demands to stop acting a certain way, suggest therapy as your last resort.
Being with a professional counselor might prove helpful in trying to find a solution to your problem.
He might actually listen if a third party tries to make him see the error of his ways, especially if that someone is a professional problem solver in that department.
Your partner could also try one-on-one sessions, as that might give him the opportunity to feel completely safe and secure to say what he may feel self-conscious about.
Perhaps his controlling ways are the result of a problematic childhood, or it may all stem from a particular traumatic event from his past.
Whatever it is, his best chance to resolve it is individual therapy, so try to get him to do it and you may see actual results.
Just give it time and have some faith.
If this is someone you are willing to go to all these lengths for, there is surely hope for him yet.