When your ex comes up with the suggestion to try and revive the relationship the two of you had, if you are still not completely over him, that idea may sound tempting. And although you think that everyone deserves another chance and you hope everything between you two will be different this time, there are also some things that make you contemplate that decision. If you are in a similar situation with your ex-boyfriend, here are 5 reasons why you shouldn’t give him another chance and why you should leave the past where it belongs.

1. Neither of you has changed

When we decide to give a relationship another chance, we expect and wish for our partner to be a different, reinvented man. But the harsh reality is that he will remain the same. He is the man he used to be, with all of his flaws, no matter what he may be trying to tell you. And the same goes for you—neither of you has changed. You still have the same personality traits, including the negative ones. And both of you still have the same deal-breakers and things that bother you about each other. In the beginning, it may appear that the break-up has taught you both a lesson and that it has made you better people, but sooner or later, you will both show your true colors. Of course, one can change some habits for the sake of the relationship but, essentially, we all stay the people we truly are. This is one of the first things you ought to have in mind if you think about giving your ex-partner a second chance.

2. The two of you broke up for a reason

When you break up with someone, after a while, you start forgetting all the negative things that went on between the two of you and the beautiful memories prevail. You may miss your ex-boyfriend and that disrupts your view of the relationship, preventing you from being realistic. So, if you think about giving him another chance, think about the things that led you to the break-up. You two didn’t break up without a valid reason and that reason still exists. It is one thing if it wasn’t the right timing for a real relationship for one of you, and you want to see how things would work out time-wise now but, if you had trust or jealousy issues or your ex was emotionally unavailable and unready for a committed relationship, those issues won’t magically fade away just because you two miss each other.

3. You are scared

If you were in a long-term relationship with someone, it is natural for you to feel like a part of you is missing since the two of you broke up. Although you probably know that this man is not right for you, he is a familiar face and you think that you would rather be with him than look for someone else. You are scared you won’t be able to function properly on your own or you are afraid of putting yourself back on the dating market. If any of these are a reason why you want to give your ex another chance, it’s wrong. It is natural for you to feel this way in the beginning because you are used to having him around and you cannot picture yourself alone, let alone with someone new. These emotions are normal and they will go away—you just need some time to adapt.

4. You are giving him a second chance to hurt you

If your ex-boyfriend hurt you the last time the two of you were together, by giving him a second chance to have a relationship with you, you are also giving him the chance to hurt you again. With giving him a place in your life, you are implying that his actions were acceptable and that he can continue with the same behavior because you will always be there to take him back. If your ex-boyfriend has been manipulative or if he cheated on you or abused you in any way, by getting back together with him, you are sending him a message that you are more than OK with his patterns of behavior and you are consciously making yourself a victim.

5. It’s time to move on

When you are in doubt if you should give your ex-boyfriend another chance, ask yourself if you really want to go back to the past or if it is time to focus on the present and to look forward the future. When a relationship didn’t work out the first time, it is quite unlikely for it to have a different outcome this time. You know you did everything you could to save the relationship, so what is the point of giving it another shot, when it is probable that things will end the same way So, I say it’s about time for you to let go of the past and to finally move on with your life.