Guys need to make the first move. Guys need to compete with other guys for a woman’s attention. Guys need to be gentlemen and good at texting. So, why is dating so hard for guys? Really? ?
My personal opinion is that modern dating is not only hard for men but also for women. Well, today we’ll specifically focus on men, expectations from society as well as females expectations, plenty of unwritten rules, and stereotypes.
If you’re a man or a female trying to understand men, this article will help you see the bigger picture of dating as a man. Are you ready? I bet you are!
Why Is Dating So Hard For Guys?
Dating apps, the pressure to initiate everything, dealing with playing hard to get, you name it. Here is the list of eye-opening reasons why dating is so hard for guys:
1. The pressure of being the initiator
Dating is hard but it’s even harder if you feel like you need to be the initiator of (almost) everything. There’s this unwritten rule that guys are supposed to make the first move or initiate sex.
Seriously? Are we stuck in the 19th century? I bet there are some exceptions to this (well, I hope there are) but this doesn’t make it less serious.
Both the hookup culture and long-term relationships revolve around the idea that guys are supposed to be the initiators of dates, activities, and many other things in a relationship. It’s not easy to deal with such pressure (especially on the first date).
So, here’s one ultimate dating advice for men: You’re not supposed to be initiators of everything. It’s okay to sometimes wait for the girl to make the first move.
2. Women are not making it any easier by playing hard to get
I personally know lots of females who see playing hard to get as the main dating tool to make a man more interested in them. I agree that we shouldn’t make it too easy allowing a man to deserve our attention, but playing hard to get is just overrated.
Sometimes, men are confused by this game called playing hard to get (especially if it continues for too long). They’re not really sure whether the girl is interested or if she’s only pretending not to be interested so that he will become more interested.
I think I’ve been hit by a mini-stroke just by writing this. Now think about what guys need to go through on a daily basis with women who are playing hard to get.
3. Taking rejection personally
There are lots of people who take rejection personally and when it comes to the dating scene, men are more likely to feel that way than women. Why?
Because men are “supposed to be the initiators”, right? Given that they feel the pressure to be the first ones to approach a woman, they deal with more rejections.
And oftentimes they take these rejections personally (especially if they start multiplying). They start thinking that they are not good enough or not masculine enough. Their self-esteem starts decreasing while insecurities start increasing.
Here’s how Psychology Today supports this argument: “Males tend to take rejection as a challenge to their masculinity or an insult to their perceived place in the social hierarchy. Women are likely to feel emotionally hurt by a rejection and to assume that there is something lacking in them that warranted the rejection or blame the person who did the rejecting but use self-soothing to get over the insult rather than lashing out as males might do.”
To summarize, here’s one of the key rules of dating: Don’t take rejection too personally.
4. Constant competing with other guys
A more expensive car, a better job, better skills, more muscles? These are just some of the things guys constantly compete with other guys over. I’m even convinced that they aren’t even aware of it because it happens on a subconscious level.
So, when a man likes a woman and she has many other guys who court her, he will feel even more pressured to compete with the competition. Who can we blame for this? The universe? ?
It’s true that competitive nature is mostly innate in men and it’s only making their dating harder. Men have this urge to prove to their chosen female and the rest of the world that they are stronger, better, and more successful than other men. It’s just how it is.
5. Men are not as good communicators as women
No shit, Sherlock, right? ? If you’re a woman reading this, how many times have you talked to a guy who is really bad at communicating? Heck, I was in a relationship with a guy who was a terrible communicator.
Here’s the truth. Men are not as good communicators as women and because of that, they struggle more in dating.
Most of the time men feel like this: What am I supposed to say now? What would she want me to say or do? What if I’m doing something wrong? Oh no, I have no idea what she’s talking about.
The only thing that could fix this is if women could become mind-readers or men improving their social skills in dating life. I somehow doubt that the latter will happen anytime soon.
6. Overuse of humor, jokes, and pick-up lines
Given that men are not so great communicators, they often overdo it with humor, jokes, or terrible pick-up lines. I’ve realized that men speak mostly through humor (especially those who are emotionally unavailable).
Sometimes, in an attempt to make a woman laugh, they make her feel confused and appalled for using too much humor.
I remember when one of my male friends spent an entire day looking for the best pick-up lines to approach a girl he liked. I told him that he shouldn’t make such a big of a deal about making the first move but he insisted on making a fool out of himself. ?
So, when the time came to utter his famous pick-up line, he started muttering and the girl immediately burst into laughter. Poor guy. I feel sorry for him even to this day.
7. Dealing with manipulations and games
Ghosting, crossing boundaries, emotional blackmailing… These are some of the manipulative methods men (and women) have to deal with when dating or in serious relationships.
Then why is dating so hard for guys (or girls)? Manipulations and playing games are the number one dating red flag many men notice when it’s too late.
And let’s be honest. Modern dating abounds with tons of manipulative methods that were simply unknown before, during vintage dating times. For example, back then social media didn’t exist so no one could choose not to text back for days or leave someone on “Seen”.
Such and similar methods are vastly used today as a playing hard to get method that is supposed to make men (and women) chase the object of their affection. Does it work? In most cases, it does, but it’s making dating so hard, toxic, and unnecessarily complicated.
8. Having unrealistic expectations in bed due to pornography
Why is dating so hard for guys? Well, one of the things we could also blame for it is pornography content. Yup, you read it right. As a matter of fact, let’s not make this only about guys because women watch porn as well.
But given that we’re talking about dating as a man today, we’ll solely focus on explaining things from their perspective. So, having unrealistic expectations in bed due to watching too much pornography has become trending.
That’s when men start to think that regular females should behave in bed the same way as they have seen females behave in porn. Does this sound a little bit unrealistic? I bet it does. And guess what? This is what makes dating so hard for guys.
9. Dealing with stereotypes such as “All men are the same”
Raise your hand if you have ever (at least once in your life) heard a female say something like: “Nah, all men are the same”. Seriously?
How could all men be the same? Was there ever research that suggests every single man on earth has the same mindset and behavior? I don’t think so.
This stereotype makes it difficult for many men and women to trust one another. There will always be men and women who are toxic and those who are perfect relationship material. It just happens that the latter individuals are in the minority.
Because of that, many women think that men indeed are all the same. Not all hope is lost! Here’s one of the old school dating habits that can help men when it comes to dating: Make your intentions clear from day one.
10. The challenge of being a gentleman
Let’s not fool ourselves. Every woman wants a man to make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world (in a literal sense, of course).
Because of that, many women forget that real life doesn’t work like that. As they are looking for a unicorn man, their standards become unrealistic. And then on the other side there are men who are trying so hard to be true gentlemen.
Wait, why is dating so hard for guys? Maybe because the media, along with other promoters of a perfect man, are creating a twisted image of a real man.
Men are literally stuck between two challenges: The challenge of being a gentleman and the challenge of being perfect. Oftentimes, gentlemen are no longer appreciated because of this imaginary pursuit of perfection.
11. Men are not as good at texting as women
Dating as a young man today requires a certain set of skills of which one of the most important is texting skill. But what if I tell you that men are not as good at texting as women?
Women are not only better communicators than men in real life but also in the virtual world. Most of the time men have no idea how to use those emojis, which length of text is appropriate at the moment, and similar.
All these seemingly little things greatly affect their dating life. I know a lot of men who think it’s totally okay to leave someone on “Read” because they didn’t have time to respond at the moment. In other words, men are also known to be terrible multi-taskers, which also reflects on their dating.
12. The curse of being a “nice guy”
It’s universally acknowledged that nice guys care more about others than themselves. This has nothing to do with being a gentleman but letting others take advantage of you.
Here’s one of the most valuable dating advice tips men can use: Stop being a nice guy in dating and relationships. We all know what happens to nice guys. There’s a certain pattern in almost every girls’ life and it goes like this:
After dating people with toxic personality types (read: players), a woman chooses to finally date a nice guy. At first, she thinks how blessed she is to meet someone like that. After some time, she becomes bored because that nice guy is nice toward everyone except himself.
My advice to men: Don’t be toxic but also don’t be overly nice. Try to find a balance here because this might be a game changer when it comes to dating.
13. The pressure of meeting up society’s expectations
A lot of men (and other human beings) fall under the pressure to meet up society’s expectations. The pattern goes something like this: Finish school – find a job – find a girlfriend – get married – have kids.
Wait, what? Is it really possible for every single man to meet these expectations in that same order? Of course not. Did society think about the fact that maybe some of them are happy being single at the time?
Maybe they still aren’t ready to get married even though all their friends are married? The pressure of meeting up society’s expectations can make any man feel confused when it comes to dating.
14. Surviving being stuck in a friend zone
Why is dating so hard for guys? Oh, maybe this has something to do with a friend zone. We all know what that is. It’s when a woman decides that she doesn’t really like you as a potential partner but as a good friend.
So, what do you do? Do you stay friends with her or move on? Many men choose to stay friends with women who friendzoned them because they still HOPE that something might change in the near future.
Does that ever happen? Rarely.
Trust me, you don’t need a dating coach to tell you how to avoid getting stuck in a friend zone. Just don’t be overly friendly to the girl you like. Don’t let her treat you like one of her friends. Be flirty and tease her.
PRO TIP: If you’ve been stuck in a friend zone lately, then it’s time for a dating detox.
15. Social media challenges
Modern dating involves both dating in real life and on social media. Most women seek attention and validation on social media as proof of a man’s undying love.
So, what happens when a man is not aware of this or is not capable of fulfilling it? A woman starts thinking: “Maybe he’s not that really into me.” “He doesn’t love me.” “He doesn’t want other people to know that we’re together.”
Social media challenges have never been so challenging. ? And that’s why dating is so hard for guys sometimes.
Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Guys?
There are many ways to meet people and somehow online dating sites like Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and online matchmaking services have prevailed. You create a dating profile on the desired online dating app or service, you swipe left or right, or slide into someone’s DMs.
But wait, how can they know that you’re real?
Online dating is so hard for guys for several reasons. First of all, online dating trends such as catfishing (pretending that you’re someone else) are becoming more and more popular, which makes it hard for women (and men) to simply believe anyone.
Second of all, there’s also an unwritten rule that a man dating online is bound to make the first move (text first). Before doing so, many men resort to vast overthinking and googling of online dating questions, pick-up lines and other conversation starters.
They get anxious about texting too little or too much. They are constantly aware of any potential texting mistakes that would mean one thing: Losing a woman they like.
“The beauty” of old school dating vs dating apps.
Why Do Men Find It Difficult To Open Up?
Many men have difficulty opening up to someone they like, which also makes it hard for them to date. It’s mostly because they are scared of being taken advantage of and getting hurt by a woman they like.
They are never 100% sure that a woman is genuine with them even if she tells them so. For this, we can blame all those playing hard to get games and letting men wait for an eternity to get a text back.
Men are anxious about making a move first or saying ‘I love you’ for the first time. It usually takes them a lot of time before they choose to completely open up to someone they like. In order to do so, they need to know that the girl is trustworthy, genuine and truly cares about them.
Why Has Dating Become So Hard?
Why is dating so hard for guys? Why is dating so hard for women? Why make it simple when it can be complicated, right? ?
Honestly, I have no idea what exactly happened with this modern dating and I witness more and more people asking themselves: Is this really worth it? Should I continue dating and experiencing disappointments or just give up?
My answer to you is: Don’t give up BUT be wise about who you date. Also, don’t lower your standards and don’t let society impose some brainwashing values and standards on you.
One more thing before I go: Learn to date yourself first and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!