Trust me when I tell you that you have no clue about abuse (whether it’s physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual) and abusive relationships until you’ve dealt with one.
That is why you should take advice from an expert: from a woman who’s been through this hell and who luckily got away from it alive.
I’m not saying that my experience can save every woman in this world from getting abused.
However, what I can do is tell you a few things I wish someone had told me before I became the victim.
1. It all starts out as a dream
One of the most common misconceptions about abuse is that it starts right away.
People think that abusers begin with their violent behavior as soon as they enter your life, so naturally, everyone wonders how the victim didn’t notice the alarming red flags in time.
Well, what nobody tells you is that abusive relationships almost always start out as the most beautiful dream and nothing points to what will happen in the future.
You see, abusers have a way of pretending to be someone they’re not until they drag you into their net.
They are often charming, polite, seductive, and too good to be true.
2. But it ends up like your worst nightmare
An abuser will not start with his toxic behavior until he’s certain that you’ve fallen for him.
He needs to be sure that he’s managed to get under your skin and deep inside your heart before he shows you his true colors.
Sadly, when this happens, it’s usually too late for the victim to leave her abusive relationship.
You’re already manipulated to the point where you wouldn’t walk away from this man, no matter what he does to you.
This is when the real nightmare starts – when the bitter reality hits you.
Nevertheless, you still hold on to your happy memories, hoping that this is nothing but an ugly phase and things will soon go back to the way they used to be, which of course never happens.
3. It can happen to anyone
When you hear about abuse, you always think that it’s happening somewhere far away from you, to someone else.
Subconsciously, you think that you could never fall into this trap because you’re wiser and smarter than that.
Let me tell you that this can’t be further from the truth.
In fact, abuse is much more common than you might think and it has nothing to do with your appearance, social status, education, or romantic history.
4. It is never your fault
What many victims seem to forget is that they should never blame themselves for the hell they’re going through.
However, this is still the number one thought each one of us has while experiencing abuse.
You can’t help but wonder if you did something to deserve this kind of treatment.
Should you have known better? Should you have chosen wiser?
If these are some of the things going through your mind, remember that the victim is never the one who should feel guilty.
You are being manipulated and abused by this horrible man and he is the only one who carries all the responsibility.
5. You can love your abuser
One of the biggest taboos related to abuse are the feelings victims have towards their abusers.
Even though psychology has proven that caring for your abuser, despite everything he is doing to you, is quite common and normal, many victims are ashamed of these emotions and therefore, refuse to admit them.
When you’re in this type of situation, you are perfectly aware that there is nothing to be loved about this guy.
In fact, your mind is telling you that you’re crazy for feeling this way – that something is definitely wrong with you.
However, the truth is that you can love your abuser, even after you get the courage to walk away from him, and that you need a lot of time before accepting it as something you shouldn’t be ashamed of.
After all, this man brainwashed you into thinking he is the one for you and the only guy you could ever love.
Also, ironically, with time, his abuse became your comfort zone you were too scared to step out from.
6. But he can’t love you
Despite what he might keep telling you, a man who abuses you in any way doesn’t love you nor does he have the ability to love you.
Forget about how he treats you after his violent episodes are done, forget about his sweet words and presents, don’t pay attention to his false excuses.
A man who loves you will never think of insulting you, hitting you, or doing you any other harm.
Even though this seems obvious to women who have never been through something like this, it can’t be stressed enough to victims of abuse because it’s actually one of the most common reasons they stay in these relationships.
Many are deceived that their abusers love them in their own strange way and they use their nonexistent emotions as an excuse not to walk away from them.