You’ve found yourself falling for a guy, and you feel like this could be it. There’s nothing that could burst this happy bubble, until you find out he doesn’t come alone.
He’s got a kid. Or kids, even. And you don’t know how to feel about that. You’re not sure if you can handle all it entails and if you’re actually ready for this. But don’t panic just yet. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by this information, but you need to see it from all sides before making any permanent decisions.
Here are some factors to take into consideration before you decide whether or not you should continue with this relationship:
1. He needs stability and commitment
A guy with kids doesn’t have time for casual flings and temporary relationships. He’s got a lot on his plate, and all he wants is somebody who will be there and not quit on him when it gets a little challenging. He’s already got too many obligations, so he needs someone to understand this and who can deal with not being the only important person in his life.
2. The kids will always be his number one priority
No matter how much this man loves you, if it comes to it, he will always choose his children. They are a part of him, and there is no question as to who comes first. If you’re a jealous person or if you’re possessive by nature, this is not the guy for you. He will love you deeply, but his children’s happiness will always be his first priority.
3. His ex will always be a part of his life
Again, if there is a jealous streak in you, you’re probably not going to like this. Even if he doesn’t like his ex, she’s always going to be there. It’s called co-parenting, and it’s what is necessary for the kids’ sake. There will be a lot of seeing her and talking on the phone, but it will always be about the kids. If you can’t cope with this, you should probably not continue with this relationship because his ex is always going to be a part of the picture.
4. Wait before meeting the kids
Only agree to meet his kids when you are sure that you really want to do this. Again, he needs stability. Do not agree to meet them and then decide to bail on him. If he wants his kids to get to know you, it means he is serious with you and wants you to be a part of his kids’ lives. if this is not what you wan’t, do not meet them only to disappear from their lives. It’s not fair to anyone.
5. Your plans will be changed a lot
When there are kids involved, it’s hard to make plans of any kind. Sometimes, their mother won’t be able to take them at the last minute, so you can say goodbye to date night.
Kids get sick, so sometimes he won’t be able to see you for a few days because he’ll be busy caring for his child, and you need to be okay with that if you want this to work. Making compromises and occasionally sacrificing date nights is going to be part of your life now. Decide now whether you’re ready for this or not.
6. Have patience and communicate your feelings
Dealing with children that are not your own is going to be challenging at times. They are going to challenge your authority and you won’t be able to do much about it. You cannot discipline them or yell at them (unless they do something really bad), so you’re going to feel flustered sometimes. When this happens, talk to your partner.
Tell him how you feel, and he will understand. He knows how difficult it can be for you, so he will make sure to make it as easy as possible and talk to his children about it. Open, healthy communication is key for this relationship to survive.