If you’re dating a guy with kids, welcome to the club. Trust me, I completely understand everything you’re going through right now. I perfectly understand all your thoughts and emotions. I had the same ride on the same rollercoaster you’re riding right now.
I met this amazing guy two years ago and my whole life has changed. He was a divorced man, a devoted father to his twin daughters, and when we first started dating, I wondered if it was really a good decision to engage in such a relationship.
Now, I can proudly say that it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
The truth is, it wasn’t always all sunshine and roses, and it still isn’t, but life itself isn’t perfect. He makes me feel loved, respected, and appreciated. He makes me the happiest woman in the world, and that’s perfectly enough for me.
What Should I Know About Dating A Guy With Kids? 17 Important Things
However, it would be nice if someone had told me a few things about dating a guy with kids… If only someone had told me these things I’m about to share with you.
1. You’ll need to have a real talk with yourself
Before you even start such a relationship, you need to sit down and face all the facts about dating a guy with kids. No one should judge you… if you feel you aren’t ready to take that responsibility, then don’t do it.
End it before one of you falls in love. If you give up afterward, there is a good chance that you won’t just be breaking his heart. Those kids already went through enough transitions… they shouldn’t get hurt once again.
2. You’ll need to get used to family life
Whether you like it or not, this guy comes with the whole package deal. It may be a difficult thing for you to accept, but you’ll need to do it if you want your relationship to work in the long run.
3. He’ll always take things slowly
He’ll always put his kids in first place on his priority list. It’s common sense that their well-being is and always will be the most important thing for him. That’s why he’ll never rush things.
He’ll want to get to know you deeply before he decides to take your relationship to the next level. He won’t even introduce you to his kids until he feels that all sides are ready for it.
4. But, tough conversations about the future will be present from the beginning
Well, those kinds of conversations are a MUST, and you should prepare for them. He’ll want to know your plans for the future and whether they match his or not.
Simply, he’ll want to know whether you’re compatible or not. The famous marriage and family therapist, Rebecca Hendrix, completely agrees with this, and she also states that you need to check whether your personalities and lifestyles align before you make things official.
5. You’ll need to be equipped with understanding
Patience and understanding. Those are the things you’ll need the most if you’re planning to stay in this kind of relationship for the long run.
6. He’ll need help with balancing his dating and family life
You are probably asking how you can help him with it. It’s actually pretty easy. Again, just show understanding and stay patient.
If he cancels you at the last moment because something has come up with the kids, don’t make a scene out of it, but ask him if you can help him in any way. That is the kind of woman this guy needs and will welcome into his life.
7. The expectation bar needs to be kept realistic
You shouldn’t set some high expectations, especially at the beginning of your relationship.
Of course, he’ll try to make you happy and all that, but he’ll simply be torn apart between you and the kids all the time, and one side (you, most surely) will have to suffer more than the other.
8. There isn’t a set timeline for the big introduction.
The fact is, there are no ground rules when it comes to the time when he’s supposed to meet you with his kids. So, don’t pressure him.
It may take a long time before he decides on that step, but meanwhile, what you should be doing is working on strengthening your bond. Get to know each other… get to know something about the kids, too, so you can also win them over when the time comes.
9. The kids may not accept you at first
If his kids accept you as soon as they meet you, it’s a great thing. However, there is a possibility that they won’t have a good reaction. I’m a child of divorce and, trust me, things like this are never easy to understand nor to accept.
However, you should try to build a good relationship with them, and hope that over time, they’ll welcome you into their circle.
10. Establishing a positive relationship with his ex-wife
You should also be aware that his ex-wife may affect the relationship between you two, especially if the two of them had a bad type of divorce or if she still has feelings for him.
The best dating advice you’ll get regarding this is that you should try to build a healthy relationship with her. She doesn’t and almost surely won’t become your best friend, but you should at least try to be on good terms with her.
11. You’ll be surrounded with much love
Surely, you shouldn’t expect that the kids will immediately welcome you with wide-open arms, but once they do, you’ll feel wrapped in love. That kind of feeling is truly impossible to describe.
12. You’ll even meet a new dimension of love
This whole dating a man with kids thing will enable you to meet a whole new type of love. It’s nothing similar to those types of love you’ve met before, and you’ll only get to experience it again once you become a mother.
Spoiler alert; this side of love will make you understand the true value of love.
13. He’ll be spending much time with his kids
This is an obvious point, and it’s perfectly normal. He won’t want his kids to be affected by the divorce, and he’ll try his best to be there for them as much as possible.
14. Therefore, your quality time will be limited
It’s so wonderful to see those father figures and their sacrifices for their kids, but it’s also difficult to deal with it once it starts affecting your relationship.
You won’t be able to spend time with him whenever you want, and that’s without a doubt the most difficult part of dating a man with kids.
15. You may not be able to spend holidays together
This is one of those not-so-glamorous parts of dating a guy with kids. You rarely get the opportunity to spend holidays and vacations together.
However, once your relationship becomes more serious, I’m sure this will change, too. Once again, patience and understanding are your best friends when dating this type of guy.
16. It’ll be hard… harder than you think
I knew that it would be hard to date a guy with kids. He has serious responsibilities… his little family, two little people that are depending on him… I had it all in my mind. However, honestly speaking, I never thought it was going to be so difficult.
As much as you think it’s hard, trust me, it’ll be even harder. There will be many times you’ll want to quit and end it all. However, if you truly love him, you’ll endure it all and stick by his side no matter what.
17. Despite all the challenges, it may be the most rewarding experience in your life
In my personal opinion, all those sacrifices, disappointments, compromises… all of those things pay off in the end. I’m the best example of that.
Now, I’m a stepmom to two wonderful stepkids whom I love the most. I enjoy helping with the school drop-offs and going to school plays, and I’m the happiest person on the planet when I’m setting the dinner table for four people.
He’s my best friend and the person I want to build… actually expand our family with. And, you can be in my place, too, only if you stay patient and keep strong faith in love.
Advantages Of Dating A Guy With A Kid
As I’m dating a guy with a kid, I think I have the right to claim that being in such a relationship has many advantages.
Of course, it’s much harder than dating a single guy without this kind of responsibility, but there are definitely some great sides to dating a guy with a kid.
Besides these advantages you’ll see below, I really have to emphasize that dating a guy with a kid changed me… it changed my life in so many ways.
Today, I’m proud to say that it made me become a completely new person… a much better person in every possible sense of that word.
? You get the whole package deal
? He’ll provide the stability you long for
? You’ll have plenty of alone time
? It’ll make you more mature
? No mind games or games of any kind
?Date nights may be poor in quantity, but they definitely won’t lack quality
? You get to be the cool (step) parent
Disadvantages Of Dating A Guy With A Kid
I don’t and I’ll never regret indulging in a relationship with a guy who has a kid. It’s by far the best, most amazing relationship I have ever had, and I wouldn’t change any part of it.
However, there were many difficult moments, especially at the beginning. We’ve faced many challenges every single day, had many tough conversations, and we never had the support we needed from our loved ones.
I listed a few more things below that I consider as cons of dating a guy with kids. I know that these things seem like a big deal to you right now because I was once you and I felt the same way.
However, we used these to strengthen our relationship; we didn’t allow them to tear us apart. Look at us today… we have the healthiest relationship and the most amazing little family.
? You’ll never be his top priority
? Spending time together will be limited
? You have to win over both him and his kids
? His ex-wife is also in the picture
? You need to be careful with PDA-ing
? There are no last-minute getaways
? You’re dealing with a guy with emotional baggage
How Do I Deal With Dating A Man With Kids?
First of all, you need to be aware of the whole situation. You need to come to terms with the fact that this is not some ordinary relationship, and that a great deal of your life will change.
You’ll need to arm yourself with understanding and patience. Things won’t always go as you plan, so you also need to be prepared to make compromises.
It’s okay to fight for the man you love and maintain your relationship, but please don’t let it make you neglect the relationship with yourself.
Don’t lose yourself over your relationship because no matter how much you love him, no one is worth that kind of sacrifice.
If at any moment you become overwhelmed by it all, talk with your guy and seek help from relationship coaches and dating experts.
Is Dating Someone With A Child Hard?
I’m not happy to admit it, but the truth is that it’s hard to date someone who has children. It’s truly a big deal. And, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll be able to face many challenges that come with that type of relationship.
However, some things are truly worth fighting for, and love is definitely one of those things.
If you aren’t a kid person or you don’t feel ready to take the title of being a step-parent, it’ll especially be tough for you then. That’s why you need to have a serious conversation with yourself before you decide to indulge in such a relationship.
If you think that you aren’t ready to face everything that comes with that relationship, don’t even start it because someone will most definitely get hurt eventually.
Is It Bad To Date A Guy With A Kid?
It’s hard, but I could never say that it’s bad or not worth it. There are many advantages of dating a guy with kids, especially if you’re aiming for a serious and committed relationship.
Of course, there will be much pressure, but if your love is strong enough, you can endure all obstacles and make the most wonderful relationship.
You just have to put mutual effort into making things work, and have a bit of patience.
A relationship with a man who has kids will definitely be completely different from all of your past relationships, but who knows? It may also be your most beautiful one… it may also be your ‘happily ever after’.
Dating a guy with kids isn’t just being in a romantic relationship with someone; it’s also a huge responsibility. There are many wonderful and not-so-wonderful things that come with it.
There will be many obstacles, and many bridges that you’ll need to cross together. The good news is that when it comes to true love, nothing is impossible and everything is worth it.
If you truly love him and feel that the love is being reciprocated, you need to accept him and everything that comes with him. And, I promise… one day, you’ll look back at everything you went through to be together and then you’ll know it was all worth it.