Breaking free from a narcissistic relationship is hard.
You become used to putting up with him loving himself and no one else. You get used to always being the second choice and not getting nearly enough attention as you deserve.
You get used to that kind of behavior and, sadly, you don’t do anything about it. Not until things go too far and beyond repair.
In the moments when he gives you crumbs of attention, you realize that your relationship should have been like this all the time and, sadly, yours is not. The only thing that the two of you have in common is that you both love the same person.
That’s why being in a healthy relationship can feel completely strange to you. Here are some of the things that can happen to you when you meet a good guy after a narcissistic relationship:
1. He knows there is more to you than meets the eye
This is a completely new and strange feeling. He is confident in you. Your last relationship made you doubt yourself and all the choices you made.
But now you’ve met a person who knows you can do anything that you set your mind to.
This new feeling you’re experiencing makes you feel awkward because you are not used to being treated the way you deserve.
2. He wants you to trust him
He knows that you’ve been in a relationship where your voice hasn’t been heard. He knows that you are living with a fear of history repeating itself.
That’s why he is patient with you. That’s why he gives you time to surrender to him and trust in him. It’s no surprise that you lost the ability to trust people—your ex made you believe that. This new guy knows that and he is working his way up to prove himself trustworthy.
And what’s more important, he’s letting you learn to trust yourself again.
3. He treats you the way you deserve
He is kind to you all the time. He is doing the simplest things that you never experienced before.
You’ve been trapped in a selfish relationship and you didn’t even think about what it would be like if your guy did something for you for a change.
But now that you have it, you don’t know how to react.
4. He pays attention to what you’ve got to say
In your last relationship, it was all about him. The only word you’d been hearing all that time was ‘I’; I did that, I was there…
But not this time. You have the right to speak when you want and you most definitely have the right to say what you want without any fear of hearing that you are stupid or of being judged.
Your new boyfriend will listen to you. Your words will have meaning to him. He will be interested in what you’ve got to say.
He wants to hear all about you and your past. He wants to know what you like and don’t like. He wants you to share your life with him.
5. He apologizes
You are used to apologizing all the time for pretty much anything just to avoid arguments—although sometimes these things got out of control and you almost fought to the death until someone walked away. And when you or he cooled off, life continued.
That emotional roller coaster becomes normal—you enter an endless routine from which you can’t get out. But it’s different with this guy. Of course, you will fight because everyone fights.
But the one thing that is going to leave you speechless is that he’s going to say those three little words: “I was wrong.”
6. He will give you the world
You were always going the extra mile to suit the narcissist—but you got nothing in return.
But now, there is someone who will surprise you with flowers for no reason and who will take you on dates and treat you like a queen.
And all that with no hidden motives. He doesn’t need anything from you. He just loves you. It’s as simple as that.
7. He is not manipulative
Narcissists are men who like to be in control. But no one can control every part of their life and that’s when these guys lose it and take it out on others.
That leaves you walking on eggshells around him, being careful not to say something ‘wrong’.
When you enter a normal, healthy relationship, you learn that such behavior is non-existent. You learn that relationships are all about compromise and that there are two voices to be heard—not one.
8. He teaches you what love really is
You realize that real love is mutual respect. You realize that real love is genuinely caring for someone. Then you realize that your last relationship wasn’t about love. It was all a charade—it was a trap. He made you think you loved him.
You realize what real love is when you wake up next to someone who treats you better—someone who treats you the way you deserve.
That leaves you wondering how you could have tolerated anything less than the treatment you have now.
But you don’t feel ashamed and you don’t pity yourself. You are proud of yourself because it takes a strong woman to break free from a narcissistic relationship.
I’m trying to get out of the marriage I’m in I have lost everything because of him family friends and most importantly my kids he says I owe him I have never felt so lost and never so low about myself I was always the happy go lucky girl who loved and would help anyone now I stay in and feel like I’ll never find anyone to love me he’s cheated on me many times saying I made him do it the lust goes on I’m hurting and just want who I use to be to come back ?
be strong get some help, and know that theres someone who will Love a.nd respect you .if you have lost family and friends its not him ,its you. no one can make you do anything. stop giving away your power. seek some counseling, work on you..because if you get rid of him, you’ll meet another just like him. find out why you tolerate being treated poorly. thats not love.. get strong and continue to work on you.. you will never let anyone ever treat you unkinddly or hurtful again..
Couples who enjoy each other’s company and cherish the time spend with each other, they don’t find the need to prove others that they are indeed happy. Let’s support each other from writer http://www.gorgeousss.com
The difference between a you and your narc. Is that you are willing to see all angles of the situation, admit fault , whereas the narc admits to not even a single thing. They will try to Gaslight you into thinking that you are the narc when began to discover who they really are , so they can start the infamous discard… I recommend you Look up on YouTube narcissist and you’ll find a lot of confirmation, and support. Also there are some narc survivor groups on fb. Good luck ?
My ex exhibits so many qualities of a narcissist , but when I read some of these comments, I feel like I am the one who was selfish and narcissistic. Maybe we both were but I recognize my faults and he sees me as the narcissist and he sees no fault of his own. How do I get past the overwhelming guilt I feel that he thinks I am the narcissist? I have begged forgiveness for being cold and selfish.
He wants you to feel that way. It’s part of the manipulation. He has trained your mind to believe everything is your fault. Keep reading about the cycles of being in a relationship with a narcissist. It is not selfish to want mutual live and respect.
No way Tricia u r dead wrong. I am Anita’s ex dude and she is a big narcissist.
Anita, hmu girl lets chill soon. xoxo