Every breakup is hard, no matter if you were in a relationship with a ‘‘normal’’ person or a narcissist. Even if you broke up under normal circumstances, you would have a hard time dealing with the breakup.
But what happens if a narcissist breaks up with you? Have you ever wondered how narcissists treat their exes?
Being an ex-lover of a narcissist is never easy. How come? Well, a narcissist will never leave you alone.
This article is all about the different, shameless, and harsh ways a narcissist behaves and treats someone after a breakup.
How Narcissists Treat Their Exes: 12 Cruel Ways
Dating a narcissist is never an easy thing to do, but being the ex of one? My condolences…
If you were in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, you probably know that the relationship was characterized by narcissistic rage, gaslighting, a sense of entitlement, and narcissistic abuse in general.
So you can just assume how narcissists treat their exes if they’re like this when in a relationship. Here are the harsh ways narcissists behave toward their ex-partners:
1. Lies and only lies!
We all know the dark personality traits of every narcissist. But, how does a narcissist behave when they come to their ex? Is it anything different?
The answer is no. They probably have the worst behavior toward their former partners, no matter how the relationship ended.
If you, as their ex, finally realized that they have a narcissistic personality disorder and that it is time to move on, and if you finally broke up with a narcissist…Well, long story short: you won’t have any peace.
It is obvious that you hurt their ego, and we all know how a narcissist feels about their ego. You did something unforgivable, and for that, you’ll have to pay. They will seek revenge whenever possible.
One of the possible methods of revenge is lying. As you did them wrong by breaking up with them and hurting their ego, they will lie about everything.
First of all, they will lie about the breakup. They will say that they broke up with you. Additionally, they will lie about how you were in the relationship.
As we continue to explore a narcissist’s darker side, we can quickly come to understand that they are bitter ex-lovers who always try to get payback.
In fact, maintaining their reputation is so vital to them that it causes them to become even more egotistical and willing to tell lies to do so.
Furthermore, they are free to do anything they think will help them punish their ex-partners.
2. Mind games
It is pretty common for a narcissistic ex to play mind games. Mind games are actions or remarks that are designed to hurt, deceive, or confuse someone else to frequently benefit the individual using them.
In other words, people who engage in mind games are attempting to influence you psychologically to achieve their goals.
So, why would a narcissist play mind games with you?
They want to be in control again. By playing mind games, narcissists start to manipulate your emotions and make you do things you normally wouldn’t.
Maybe they saw on social media that you’re doing well and moving on, or they saw you with someone else and want to regain the emotional influence they had over you during your narcissistic relationship.
Another effective tool in the narcissist’s arsenal is blackmail. Have you ever shown them private photos? Have you ever sent them risky text messages? Have you ever made videos while making love?
Just to mention before any unnecessary misunderstanding, there is nothing wrong with designing your sexual life however you want.
Yet, if you are already doing this with your partner, firstly, you need to be sure that they won’t send it to anybody or blackmail you afterward.
In every romantic relationship, it is important to build trust and then do risky things.
So, if you hadn’t built up enough trust at the time you recorded those videos, you will probably have a problem with your narcissistic ex blackmailing you.
4. They come and go
You should never trust a narcissist. Especially if they keep coming back only after a short time to leave again.
Does this tell you something? Well, this is already a red flag. But let me elaborate.
First of all, a reason could be that they simply love the cycle of love-bombing and then ghosting you.
They love how you fall for it every single time and how you don’t have any sense of self-worth when it comes to the relationship you two have.
Yes, this is a sign of a psychopath, as you can see.
Also, it is common that they enter a new relationship but the moment they get dumped, they try to come back to you just so they can satisfy their ego.
Please, don’t fall for this, and try to always know your self-worth.
5. Can we at least be friends?
What is behind all this nonsense?
In order to use you (or your body) once more, they want to keep in contact with you to determine if or when you’ll become more susceptible to them.
They will act as though they want to restart the relationship and tell you they miss you, but in fact, all they want is to occasionally roll around in the hay with you.
But besides this, they want to keep the door open as they may need a favor, ego boost, or help with something.
6. ‘‘It’s your fault we broke up’’
Their narcissism tells them that it is always your fault, even now when you two have broken up. They will blame you for everything.
They will feel the famous narcissistic rage and try to control and influence you even after you break up.
They will not be able to accept that they are responsible for the breakup and that you’ve finally realized how bad a person they are.
As they lack empathy, you can expect them to say horrible things to you and even threaten you. Take the blame if they want to point the finger at you; it will make them stop talking about you.
And the most important thing is that you are aware of what the truth really is.
7. ‘‘I promise it won’t happen again’’
When narcissists have had their fill of tantrums and threats, they frequently turn around and begin making empty promises.
They’ll tell you what you want to hear and shower you with promises. They are attending counseling! They have undergone a transformation.
They are just not the same person. They’ve learned their lesson and are now ready to give you everything you deserve and more.
They know it’s their fault, too, and this time, it will be different. This is the starter pack edition every narcissist with fake promises will deliver.
You should never trust the hype. No, they won’t change. They don’t think it’s their fault, and everything will be exactly or even worse than the last time. It’s simply another form of control.
They want to lock you in a fly trap so that they can start playing mind games again.
8. Damage to reputation
When a narcissist sees that there is no use in false promises, they will try to make your life as miserable as possible.
And the best way of doing this is by going after your reputation. Why do narcissists bring up their former partners? Simply because they enjoy tearing others apart.
It raises their self-esteem and combats thoughts of inadequacy. So when you break up with a narcissist, be prepared for them to go for the jugular.
Someone with NPD will use whatever social media platform they can just to degrade you. They will seek revenge because you hurt their ego.
They will want to ruin every future relationship you might have.
And also your relationship with family and friends and how they see you. So, get ready for it.
Have a conversation with your loved ones and prepare them. Fortunately, this narcissistic rage period usually passes quickly.
They soon either change their strategy or focus on someone else.
9. They use sex to lure you back
You may find it unusual, but trust me, incredible sex can also be a way for a narcissist to come back into your life.
There are several theories as to why this is the case, both psychological and scientific. However, they aren’t yet fully understood.
Whatever the reason, they frequently use their sexual prowess as a cunning tactic after a breakup. It’s their intention to draw you back into their web.
Please try your best to fend off their attempts by standing tall! When it comes to sexual intimacy, you shouldn’t keep the door open, as they will only use you for those purposes and then leave you.
This can have a serious effect on your mental health and self-esteem.
10. They will underestimate you and your abilities
Yes, narcissists are master manipulators. Some of their tactics begin even in the early stages of a new relationship.
They usually have a specific cycle of abuse that consists of 3 stages when trying to stay in touch with their ex.
The first one is idealization and love bombing. This is the stage where they will shower you with compliments, gifts, and promises.
Well, know that when they get you back, they will start with devaluation. In an effort to diminish and minimize their spouse, they will begin to humiliate and criticize you, frequently in front of other people. This will only decrease your confidence.
Their sense of superiority won’t let them do anything different, as they believe that they are always the best.
The third and final stage is known as the ‘‘discard’’ stage. This happens when the narcissist has satisfied their own needs and is now ready to do the exact same thing to a new partner.
You need to be smarter than that. They will use you only to get their necessary narcissistic supply, and what about you? You will be love-bombed and then ghosted.
11. Constant harassment
Without me, you are nothing. What will you do? I’m the best, and you won’t find anyone else. You require my protection!
These are some classic phrases you’ll hear from a narcissist after a breakup. They will never leave you alone because harassing you will boost their ego and increase their sense of superiority.
Even though it could seem counterproductive, narcissists make disparaging remarks because, deep down, they are utterly insecure.
12. Emotional manipulation
Be prepared to receive a boatload of emotional manipulation if you break up with a narcissist.
Your narcissistic ex will use every tactic at their disposal to pounce on your vulnerabilities and exploit your insecurities. They’ll frequently bring up sensitive subjects to make you feel uncomfortable.
They will do it both obviously and secretly. Even if you cut them off entirely, it can take a few months for them to be completely done with you.
Why Do Narcissists Even Talk To Their Exes?
Narcissists frequently have a pattern of maintaining contact with their ex-partners in a way that serves only their own needs. Validation is the main motivator for a narcissistic person.
Narcissists are prone to abandonment issues. This can be another reason they want to talk to their exes, especially if they value you for one reason or another.
Also, it is possible they’ve run out of new narcissistic supplies, and they know their ex can always serve as one.
Do Narcissists Care About Their Exes?
No, narcissists don’t care about their exes.
All they care about is themselves. It may seem like they care about their ex in the initial phase of trying to get them back…In this phase, there is a lot of love bombing, showering with gifts, and compliments…
However, sooner or later, their ex will see that nothing has really changed and that they are the same old narcissist they always were.
How so? They will soon start to humiliate you and underestimate you and your abilities. They will do it to rebuild their ego by knowing that their ex still wants to be with them.
Do Narcissists Go Back To Exes?
Yes, narcissists tend to go back to their exes.
Most often, a narcissist returns to their ex if they run out of new narcissistic supplies, as they know that their ex will always serve as a good one.
Don’t expect them to ever come back to their ex out of regret for the things that they did and their overall narcissistic behavior. Almost always, they will come back only for more validation and to increase their ego.
Last But Not Least
Being with a narcissist and dealing with one after a breakup is one of the most emotionally draining things.
Unfortunately, they always have a habit of going back to their exes. But how do narcissists treat their exes? Do they learn their lesson and become better people?
No, they don’t. Narcissists are characterized by a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a constant need for validation.
So, if you happen to be an ex-partner of a narcissist, I kindly suggest never letting them back in your life again. They won’t change, and their attempt to be in your life again is only to satisfy their needs.
They don’t care about you – all they care about is themselves!