As exciting as push-and-pull relationships seem to be, the truth is that they’re not sustainable in the long run.
Before you know it, this kind of romance will ruin your mental health, emotionally exhaust you, and make you incapable of building new, healthy relationships.
It will teach you that this type of behavior is normal and distort your views on love. Basically, it will leave irreparable damage to your entire personality.
So, you have two choices. Either leave this moment or make a final attempt to fix it.
Apparently, you think your relationship is worth saving. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
Well, in that case, here are four things to do if you want to overcome the push-and-pull dynamic in your romance.
Agree to disagree
You and your boyfriend are polar opposites – there is no doubt about that. Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be in this mess, would you?
After all, this is what probably drew you to each other in the first place.
However, after a while, your differences have become a big deal. You have different attitudes, want different things from life, and don’t share the same views on romantic relationships.
Yes, this is a problem between the two of you. But it’s nothing that can’t be resolved.
You just have to accept that you’ll never be on the same page regarding some things. You can’t change him nor can he turn you into someone else.
So, why bother trying to do so? Trust me, you can make it work only if you agree to disagree.
Instead of trying to change each other’s opinion about literally everything, accept and embrace your differences. You don’t have to be compatible in all aspects of your life.
Once you do this, I assure you that it will be much easier for you to find the middle ground. This way, you’ll meet each other halfway and your arguments will automatically reduce.
Measure the losses and the gains
When you’re in a type of push-pull relationship, breaking up is always an option. In fact, it seems that the chance of you and your boyfriend splitting is constantly hanging over your head.
It’s just a matter of time before one of you will have had enough of these constant tensions.
Well, in order to avoid that, just weigh the losses and the gains. Every time you want to fight with each other, sort your priorities out.
What is more important: staying together or being angry at each other and having your way? Being right or being happy? What matters more: your relationship or your ego?
These are the questions both of you should ask yourselves every time you run into an obstacle.
And if you don’t know the answer, your love isn’t strong enough and it’s best to rather give up on any attempt to save it.
Share responsibility and power
Remember one thing: Every relationship is a two-way street and your romance is not excluded. Therefore, it is utterly impossible for one person to always be right or wrong.
That is why you both have to take responsibility for the state of your relationship.
I know you think that your boyfriend is the only one to blame, but trust me, he thinks the same way about you.
Similarly, it is also crucial to share power. Clearly, neither of you is capable of being submissive, so you have to reach a compromise in which you’re both completely equal partners.
A good suggestion is to take turns on the throne. For example, you can make all the decisions and be in charge one week. However, you have to follow your boyfriend’s lead for the next.
This way, you’ll both feel equally important and leave the power struggle behind. All you have to do is stick to the arrangement without looking for loopholes.
Identify your mistakes
One thing’s for certain: This kind of a relationship dynamic is not how things should roll.
Now that you know it’s at least partially your fault, it’s time to focus on your mistakes and wrongdoings, while your boyfriend does the same.
Instead of pointing fingers and naming each other’s flaws, you both need to focus on yourselves.
More importantly, do your best to find the cause of this behavior. For some reason, you’re both attracted to these kinds of relationships.
Are you struggling with insecurities? Why does not knowing where you stand attract you so much?
Where did you learn that this kind of behavior pattern is acceptable? Is the thrill of the push-and-pull relationship something you’d consciously choose over the peace a healthy romance brings?
Moreover, what can you do to change all of this? What can you do to change yourself?
Take some time to reflect on each one of these questions. Once you and your partner find the answers, discuss it together, and try finding a permanent solution.
Even though all of this sounds like a lot of hard work, it can be done, if your will is strong enough. I won’t lie to you, it won’t be easy and it’ll take a while before you see any significant progress.
But if you and your partner share true love, this entire process will be a piece of cake for you. Just have faith in each other and your romance will make it out alive!