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How Long Should You Talk To Someone Before Dating? (A Guide)

How Long Should You Talk To Someone Before Dating? (A Guide)

We know instantly when we like someone, but do we like them enough to start dating them?

The talking stage is all flowers and butterflies until you need to decide if it’s time to take your relationship to the next level.

So, how long should you talk to someone before dating? A week? A month? Three months? Should you have “the talk” the moment you start liking them, or should you go with the flow and trust the process?

If you want to find the right timing, I suggest reading this article and following the tips!

How Long Should You Talk To Someone Before Dating?

boyfriend and girlfriend having a conversation

Well, don’t be disappointed when I tell you that the answer depends, because it really does depend.

First, it depends on how serious you look at relationships. Is a relationship a huge commitment to you? Do you want to enter a relationship only when you think they might be a good partner?

Or are you willing to make the relationship official and develop a deeper one? You can tell where I’m going with this.

However, how long should you talk to someone before dating doesn’t only depend on you. It depends on the other person as well. There are many things you should consider, and everyone’s different.

So, what are those things you should consider? Let’s find out!

14 Things You Should Take Into Account

coffee talking on a date

It isn’t easy for many of us to simply ease into a committed relationship. Of course, you can never be sure if you have found the right person if you don’t spend enough time with them.

We’re all a little different on dating apps and social media than face-to-face. You only see the tip of the iceberg on the first date.

Here is a list of things you should keep in mind before dating someone:

1. Are they mature enough?

Maturity is a big deal when deciding how long you should talk to someone before dating.

Maturity influences the quality of the conversation and how seriously you take that person. It is the foundation of every successful relationship and marriage.

The level of trust, dependability, and support from your partner is defined by how mature they are. So, if you see that they aren’t mature enough, it’s best to wait a little longer or not make things official.

2. Or emotionally stable?

Emotional stability is also an important quality of a person. Everyone has some emotional damage, and nobody’s perfect, but it’s much easier with emotionally stable people.

Are you ready to start a serious relationship with someone with anger issues, a lack of empathy, who never admits they’re wrong, and who runs from their problems?

You may wait months to see those traits directly, and who wants that? So try catching them in small acts and read between the lines as much as possible.

3. Can you say you can trust them?

young couple holding hands and looking at each other

Yes, trust is something we build, and you can’t simply trust someone you just met.

However, there are some situations where you might conclude they aren’t trustworthy.

If you catch them changing little details of a story they’ve already told you or if they keep hiding their profession, past, friends, or any other significant aspect of their life, it’s a sign they aren’t trustworthy.

That’s why it’s best not to start an exclusive relationship with them.

4. What about their previous relationships?

Our past doesn’t define us – however, it does shape us.

Although talking about previous relationships is a big no if you’re looking for a new romance, if you’re spending time with them, it’s natural for this topic to arise.

You can spot if they’re over their ex through this conversation. Also, a good trait for a potential partner is if they don’t talk badly about their exes.

Although not a rule, it’s a strong indication they won’t talk badly about you and keep all your secrets to themself.

5. What are their life interests?

boyfriend and girlfriend drink coffee and talk

The beauty of life is in its diversity. It is good that everyone has different interests, but if you want to start a new relationship with someone, it’s best to have similar interests.

The phrase ‘‘opposite attracts’’ is a myth. Common interests are another important foundation for a successful relationship, and every relationship expert will confirm this.

With common interests, you’ll be able to have more fun together because you like the same hobbies, food, and entertainment.

This will give you a better insight into their personality and make things easier. So, ask yourself whether you are ready to have the exclusivity talk with someone you don’t share any interests with.

6. Are you having high-quality conversations?

High-quality conversations are often a reflection of your maturity, common interests, and values.

They are a sign that you’ll have a healthy relationship with them because the communication will be open, and you’ll form a strong connection with them from the very beginning.

If you come home after every date and feel like that person gave you a good brain massage, congratulations, it’s time to talk about the relationship.

7. Do they respect you so far?

You don’t need a relationship coach to tell you how important respect is in a relationship.

Unpleasant comments about you and your loved ones, constant lies, comparing you with others, and flirting with others are signs they don’t respect you.

If you spot signs of a disrespectful partner at the beginning, then it’s obvious you shouldn’t have the exclusivity talk.

8. Are you friends with them?

When deciding how long you should talk to someone before dating, one important part is if you were friends before.

If you started as friends and after some time realized you had feelings for each other, it’s normal that you won’t wait too long.

You already know each other quite well, and now it’s time to get to know them better from a romantic perspective. So feel free to make the relationship exclusive any time you want.

9. Do you love each other’s energies?

Sometimes, you just know they’re the right person. It’s your gut feeling that tells you they’re the one.

Maybe there isn’t something specific you love about that person; it’s just that you feel like you’re always in the right frame of mind to spend time with them.

If you felt a deja-vu feeling when you just met, an instant click, you finish each other’s sentences, and have a synchronized body language — that’s it, feel free to make things official.

10. Do you have the same values?

man and woman talking

The same values are a good sign that it’s time to stop the ‘‘we only casually hang out sometimes’’ and start making them an important part of your life.

Having similar values will keep you connected when things are going well in your relationship and when they’re not.

Values can be tweaked, but they cannot be altered. They give you your identity. Couples who do not have the same values will always be disappointed and resentful of one another.

11. Is there passion in your relationship?

Passion is not the only thing that defines if you’re ready to start dating someone, but it matters quite a lot.

You’ll know you’re passionate about them if you can’t wait to see them again and if you constantly think of them and look forward to a future together, even if you just met.

If you can be vulnerable around them without feeling that they might hurt you, it’s a jackpot because you’re already unconsciously committed to the relationship.

12. What topics should you avoid?

Sometimes, it’s best to avoid certain topics, which most often refers to political topics, dark humor, and anything they might find inappropriate.

When you meet someone new, you don’t know to what extent their humor goes. You may say something they’ll find offensive, and because of this, they’ll immediately cut you off, no matter how compatible you two are.

The same goes for political topics and something they might take offense to. It’s better to get to know someone and make certain statements after you’ve made it clear you’re on the same page.

13. What about red flags?

When you start talking to someone, you easily forget about deal breakers and red flags because the initial excitement and connection blind you.

If you want a committed relationship, you should first pay attention to red flags.

Some red flags should send you running for your life, but don’t ignore your personal red flags.

In fact, never ignore them because they’ll hugely impact your further relationship.

14. Are you a rebound?

If you or your potential partner just broke up with someone, the last thing you want is to be stuck in an unhealthy rebound relationship.

You know how they say you’ll forget someone faster if you find someone new? Most of the time, this isn’t the case.

If you notice they talk about their ex constantly, compare you to them, and keep things superficial, it’s a sign they aren’t ready for a relationship, and you shouldn’t talk about making things official.

When Is The Right Time?

couple about to kiss

Only you will know the right time to make things official. It depends on your connection, common interests, state of mind, if your relationship has been long distance so far.

There isn’t even a rough rule that says: ‘‘Okay, after these two months of talking, it’s time to go official.’’ If you see that they are as interested in you as you are in them, feel free to initiate the relationship talk.

Most people say it’s normal to make things official in the first and second months of the talking stage, but you should always consider everything previously mentioned in the article.

What If You Start Dating Right Away?

couple kissing

Dating someone just after a few dates might turn out well, but most of the time, it doesn’t.

If you start a relationship right away, you don’t know who you’re dating. It might turn out they’re the complete opposite of what they’ve told you.

Maybe you’re only a rebound to them, or they’re trying to use you and then break up with you. There are thousands of possibilities, and none of them are good.

That’s why it’s best to get to know them in general, their past, friends, and interests, and then decide if they’re a good match for you.

What If You Wait Too Long?

sad couple sitting on a bench

If you wait too long and neither of you initiates the relationship talk, it may look like you aren’t interested in one another.

It may become stressful and damaging to your relationship, even though you really like each other. That’s why they might start dating someone else who is ready to start a new relationship.

Maybe they won’t even find someone new, but what then? Are you ready to be in the talking stage indefinitely? This is emotionally draining, and in the end, you’ll ruin something that started great.

To Sum Up

How long should you talk to someone before dating? It depends on you, the person you’re talking to, and your connection.

There isn’t an exact, universal time you should wait for. We’re all different, and we all have our preferences, needs, and ways of thinking.

However, you should ignore any periods. What matters is the experiences you share, not the time spent with them.

Have you seen them angry, sad, disappointed, at their worst? How they reacted when they were jealous and happy for you? Are they compassionate?Long story short: don’t count minutes, count moments.

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