Have you had very painful experiences in the past when it comes to your love life? You’re now worried that it may greatly affect your new relationship?
Close that door, leave it all in the past and don’t let it play with your head because otherwise, it’ll definitely put the brakes on your relationship.
The truth is that we can never be sure that our relationship is meant to last forever. It can cost us getting our heart broken but it also may make our life so much better.
So why won’t we focus on those positive things rather than on the negative ones? Why won’t we let yourself enjoy beautiful moments with our loved one?
My life motto has always been ‘if you’re happy, enjoy it while it lasts because in the end… feelings, things, human beings… everything in life is just temporary’.
Stop being afraid all the time that your loved one might hurt you one day. That kind of fear will make you unconsciously do some of the things below, which might sabotage your relationship.
And you’ll definitely regret it later.
You don’t want to commit
Does it ever seem to you that your relationship is good on paper, but there’s still something missing?
I know, I’ve been there. I loved the man I was with and I honestly believed he loved me too and I STILL didn’t want to commit.
Was there anything wrong with him? Absolutely not. Was I scared of letting someone love me after I’d been hurt before? Absolutely yes.
Once you realize that it’s YOU and your past experiences sabotaging your chance of love, your new relationship will blossom. Stop searching for his flaws and take a leap of faith.
You’re super jealous
Your partner doesn’t give you any reason to doubt his fidelity but you’re still feeling jealous all the time and you just can’t help it?
I know the feeling. I was jealous of all of his female friends and work colleagues. He really didn’t provoke it in any way but still, I couldn’t bear the thought of any other woman being close to him.
I wasn’t aware of how jealousy is actually a very destructive emotion. It really can damage or even ruin your relationship.
You must work on building trust in your relationship more and you’ll just have to trust your partner more if you want to save your relationship.
You compare your partner to your ex all the time
You really let go of the past and moved on with your new partner but you can’t still stop comparing him to your ex? No matter what he does, you always look for some similarities or differences with your ex’s actions?
Of course, they’re not the same and neither should they be. You left your ex because something was wrong with his behavior or his actions, so why would you date a man who looks a lot like him?
Also, this is definitely something that will bother your partner the most. I didn’t do that to my partner but I was the one who was being compared to an ex once and I have to admit, it’s not a nice feeling at all.
If you’re comparing your new man to your ex all the time, it’ll make your partner think that you either still love your ex or that you’re with him just to forget your ex.
Your expectations are unrealistic
Have you ever heard the saying ‘no expectations, no disappointment’? I couldn’t agree more with that.
I was mostly sabotaging my relationship because I really asked for too much from my boyfriend. I wanted it all and I wanted it immediately. But in the end, it only disappointed and hurt us both.
It’s good to know your worth and expect to get what you deserve but you can’t ask for something you yourself know is unrealistic.
If you expect too much from your partner, if you set them sky-high expectations, you must know that it won’t probably end well. Your partner won’t be able to fulfill them and both of you will be disappointed.
You use controlling behavior
Your ex-partner has cheated on you and now you think that the only way to protect yourself from repeating that scenario is by controlling your boyfriend?
I’m sorry but you’re wrong. You’ll just look like a freak or a crazy person and your boyfriend could still find a way to betray you if they wanted to.
You’ll get nothing from this kind of behavior except that it can make you look bad in his eyes.
Actually, controlling behavior is one of the most typical signs of self-sabotage.
Neither you nor your partner will be able to relax or be happy in your relationship. It’ll create a toxic atmosphere and will end your relationship.
You hold grudges
You have forgiven people way too many times in your life and you have given many second chances to people who didn’t even deserve the first one?
I know how you feel and I know how difficult it is to trust anyone ever again. However, you must know that not all people are the same and that we all deserve to be forgiven once.
Before I learned to forgive someone again, I was a ‘grudge holder’. I couldn’t just forgive, forget about it and let it go. It harmed my relationship because I was radiating negativity most of the time.
If you hold grudges against your partner too often, that means you’re angry at them most of the time, which makes the atmosphere between you too negative.
Maybe it won’t end your relationship but it’ll probably damage it greatly.
You purposely start fights very often
You’re always the one who is picking fights, even about some stupid little things? Well, that’s actually a way you’re self-sabotaging your relationship.
If you don’t want to communicate your issues in a healthy way, your partner will get tired of your fights and they’ll probably leave you.
Remember that every problem can be solved with honest and healthy communication.
You withhold physical intimacy
You don’t have a fear of being intimate with your partner but still, you’re withholding it and even you don’t know what the real reason is for that?
Well, it’s actually how you want to subconsciously or unconsciously sabotage your relationship.
Okay, physical intimacy isn’t the most important thing in a relationship but it’s definitely at the very top of the list and you know how important it is for a healthy relationship.
You always cancel plans at the last minute
Well, admit it, how much do you hate it when someone does it to you? You’re waiting, all glammed up, and then you receive a text or a call and your plans are canceled all of a sudden.
Well, I swear it’s the time I get the most angry.
Still, I did it to my ex often. It was just that I thought he wouldn’t get mad at me or that he would forgive me because he’d understand I had other obligations and plans.
It’s so wrong to do this because your loved one must always be your top priority and nothing and no one should be more important than them.
This is also one of the most obvious signs of self-sabotage.
If you start doing it more often, your partner probably won’t want to put up with that behavior for too long because they’ll start thinking that you’re purposely avoiding them.
You still aren’t ready to let go of the past
If you’re still talking about your ex and if you still think about them, it’ll definitely sabotage your new relationship.
I jumped into a new relationship way too soon and as you can imagine, it didn’t turn out well. I hurt myself and I hurt that person, even though he really didn’t deserve it.
If you really want to make your new relationship work, you must leave your ex in the past and close that door forever. If you keep going back to the past, you’ll hurt both you and your current boyfriend.
Don’t let the fear you have from some past experiences get to you and sabotage your new relationship. Just because your ex-partner hurt you, it doesn’t mean your present one will too.
Consider yourself lucky because in this cruel and strange world, you’ve found someone who loves you and you should just simply enjoy it while it lasts.