How many times do I have to repeat that I won’t come back?
How many times do I have to turn you away from my doorstep?
When will you realize that it is over and that no matter what you do, you can’t bring me back?
I told you that you should have listened to me when I said that I would leave. But you didn’t. You thought that I would stay with you and put up with your shit forever.
You were so damn sure that you had some kind of power over me to deceive me with anything you wanted me to believe. But this time, you weren’t right.
This time you failed and you failed hard. I realized that you would never be the man I crave so much.
I knew you would never give me the love that I needed so badly. I knew you would never put me first and that I would always have to settle for crumbs from your table.
And that wasn’t the life I wanted. I wanted something more.
I wished for a small house with a big backyard so our kids could play there. I wanted you to wake me up with kisses and hugs, telling me how much you loved me.
I needed your love and support on the bad days. I needed you to tell me that you would always be there, no matter what happened.
I wished you could commit to me and spend the rest of your life with me.
You know, I wanted it all so badly. But guess what I got?
Instead of a warm home, all I got were filthy hotel rooms where you would meet me when you told me that you needed me and that you couldn’t live without me.
I didn’t get kisses and hugs but instead your indifference the next morning after you got what you wanted.
I didn’t get any kids with you but now I see it is better because you would never be a good dad. I never got the love, support, affection or respect I deserved so much. I didn’t get my happily ever after after all.
But you know what I got?
I got my freedom—the most precious thing in the world. I got one more chance to start over, to write a new chapter of my life. And for that, I am extremely thankful and blessed.
You didn’t listen to me when I was telling you that I would be fine on my own.
You thought that after some time, I would crawl back to you. You thought that I was addicted to you, to your kisses and your hugs.
You thought that I loved you more than I loved myself. And you were right to a point. You were right that I was putting you first the whole time but I realized in time that you would never put me first.
I saw that you would never be crazy about me and that you would never be madly in love with me.
That was the moment I decided to end all of this. That was the breaking point and thank God it happened.
Thank God that I finally opened my eyes and saw that I should run away as fast as I could. I was lucky enough to know my worth and to refuse to settle for less than I deserved.
All that you could offer me was an almost love but I think that is the saddest thing in the world.
You should have known that I am not a woman who would accept your half-assed love. You should have known I wouldn’t put up with your shit for too long.
You should have known that I would leave.
You thought that I wasn’t so brave but now you see my real face. Now you finally see that I am not a woman you could come back to only when you wanted. I am worthy and I don’t deserve to be treated like shit.
Now that I am gone, I hope that you learned your lesson and that you will never treat another woman the way you treated me.
I hope for your own sake that you can make new rules that will help you be a better man.
I hope that one day you will figure out what you did to me. And most of all, I hope that the memory of me will haunt you forever.
You had a woman to love and you gambled her away. You had the biggest treasure in your hands and you let it slip away.
You could be the happiest man alive but now you are just wandering around, asking for some love and affection.
I guess karma did its dirty work after all and gave you what you were giving to me all this time.
Now you can taste your own medicine. Now you can finally feel my pain.
Now, you can forget all about me. Because I forgot all about you.