According to most marriage advice, selflessness is a crucial part of every healthy relationship and good marriage. However, more and more marriages and relationships face the same problem—the problem of a selfish wife or a selfish husband.
A selfish wife is one who only looks after her own needs and is interested in her own life. One who rarely takes her husband’s feelings into consideration, who wants everything to go her way and who thinks that the world revolves around her.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, in that case, you should definitely check out these unpleasant signs that you have a selfish wife, which will also help you understand how to deal with a selfish partner.
1. She expects you to always be there for her but never returns the favor
In a healthy marriage, it is natural that both husband and wife are there for each other, no matter what.
After some years of marriage, you two become one another’s best friends and biggest support through sickness and health and good and bad days, just like your wedding vows say.
However, in your marriage, things don’t actually work that way. In fact, when you have a selfish spouse, she expects you to always be there for her but the first time you ask her to return the favor, she denies you it.
She wants you to listen to her, to push her forward, to inspire her and to believe in her. Most importantly, this woman wants you to wipe away her tears, put a smile on her face and give her the support she needs.
Nevertheless, she never treats you the same. In fact, when you’re going through any kind of trouble, she is nowhere to be found.
Your selfish partner is not there to comfort you, be the wind beneath your wings or a shoulder for you to cry on and they are clear signs of selfishness.
2. She only cares about her own needs
Prioritizing yourself is great and is in no way a form of selfish behavior, even after years of marriage. Putting your happiness in first place is something we should all do.
However, you and your wife are now a team and you should be united. You’re equal partners in crime and nobody is more important than the other. At least, that is how things should be.
Well, if you’re dealing with a selfish wife, her needs will always come before yours. Her satisfaction and pleasure are the most significant things in the world, while yours don’t even matter.
Selfish wives don’t care about how their husband feels. They’re not interested in their well being and all they care about is themselves.
3. She doesn’t take responsibility
Every relationship is a two-way street. It means that both of the people involved in it have to try and make it work. It is impossible for one party to take all the blame and always be guilty about bad things happening.
That is exactly what’s happening in your married life; you’re always the one your wife blames for literally everything that’s not perfect or okay.
This woman never takes responsibility for her words and actions. Instead, she gaslights you into thinking that you’re guilty, even when she’s the one who made a mistake.
When your wife apologizes, she doesn’t do it sincerely from the heart. Somehow, she always finds a way to tell you that you provoked her into treating you badly or that you’re the cause of her toxic behavior.
All of this is a sign that this woman doesn’t actually care much about your feelings and that she is the selfish partner here. She is obviously playing with your subconscious, trying to make you look like the bad guy at all times, even though the truth is much different.
Don’t fool yourself by thinking that she doesn’t see how things really are. She is perfectly aware that she also carries a part of the responsibility for bad things going on in your marriage but she deliberately chooses not to.
4. She doesn’t listen to you
Has it ever happened to you that you feel like your spouse doesn’t pay any attention whatsoever to the things you’re saying? That she actually doesn’t put any effort into understanding your points of view and getting to the bottom of your personality, despite the fact that she is your life partner?
Well, in that case, I’m sorry to break it to you but you’re dealing with a selfish wife. You have a wife who doesn’t give a damn about what you have to tell her, who doesn’t even try to understand you and who is always too busy to hear you out.
When you come to think about it, you have pretty poor communication in your marriage and mostly, it’s your wife’s fault. She is the one who doesn’t take your opinion into consideration and who never stops for a minute just to hear you out.
5. She doesn’t take part in your interests
You and your wife are two separate individuals. Just because you guys became a married couple, it doesn’t mean that you ceased to exist as two different people.
However, when you love someone, you’ll try your best to be included in their life. You’ll put an effort into liking the things they like, just to have something in common to share.
Nevertheless, your wife doesn’t take part in your interests at all. She refuses to get involved in something you enjoy doing, even though she knows it would make you happy.
For her, it is too much of a sacrifice to watch an action movie for the sake of your love, even if she prefers romantic comedies, to accompany you to a concert of your favorite band even if she doesn’t enjoy listening to them or to watch a football match with you every once in a while.
Don’t get me wrong—nobody is asking her to change her tastes in music, movies or food. However, it would be nice of her to make some compromises because of you.
6. She is bossy
It’s one thing if you’re the type of guy who likes dominant women. You don’t feel threatened if you have a wife who knows what she wants from life and who doesn’t hesitate to take it, and also who is completely independent .
Nevertheless, it is completely different when she is bossy and orders you around, as that is something only selfish people do.
Ever since you two got married, she’s been ordering you around. Everything has to be her way and she expects you to blindly obey her and follow her instructions.
The moment you do something she doesn’t like, problems arise. It appears that she only loves you until you allow her to treat you like her subordinate.
This woman doesn’t understand that a happy marriage is all about equality. She doesn’t let you take part in the decision-making process when it comes to your life and acts like she owns you or as if you’re her doormat.
Compromise is an unknown word to this woman. She wouldn’t make one step toward meeting you halfway even if her life depended on it.
7. She threatens to leave when things don’t go her way
Let’s be honest; in every marriage and romantic relationship there comes a moment when one of you threatens to leave in the heat of an argument.
At one point, you think that your relationship has no future and you’re so angry that you see walking away as the best option you have.
However, things like these escalate too often in your married life. In fact, your wife emotionally blackmails you. She threatens to leave you every time something doesn’t go the way she wanted or planned and that is anything but a happy marriage.
Basically, you feel hopeless and see no way out. If you tell her your opinion, which is not the same as hers, she will probably file for a divorce.
At the end of the day, if you want to keep your marriage, you have no other choice but to agree with her. Well, let me tell you that this is nothing but a form of manipulation.
8. Her ego comes first
All of us should have our pride and work hard to keep our dignity. However, love should always be above these things; of course, that’s if we’re talking about true love.
Well, that’s not how your wife rolls. In fact, she is a self-centered person who puts her ego above your marriage and above the alleged feelings she has for you.
When you two argue, she doesn’t care about reaching a final conclusion. She is not interested in making your fights productive; she is only interested in proving her point and coming out of all of your arguments right and undefeated.
Looking at things from this perspective, you’ll admit that for your selfish wife, her ego is more important than you and the future of your marriage.
9. She is financially irresponsible
You both probably have jobs and your own sources of income, which is great. After all, every person in this world should, ideally, be financially independent, regardless of their marital status.
However, you’re no longer dating. From the day you got married, you both agreed to share a life together. Not only that—you live in the same household as well. Therefore, it would be logical that you share both your incomes and costs.
Nevertheless, your wife is incredibly irresponsible when it comes to financial matters. She acts like her money is just hers while your paycheck is there to be shared and spent together between the two of you.
Don’t get me wrong—nobody is claiming that your wife shouldn’t have her own money. However, it is certainly not fair that she expects you to cover all the expenses of your marriage while she wastes her entire paycheck on herself, as if you don’t exist and as if you two are not family members.
For example, there will always be enough money in the house for her desires. She has the right to spoil herself while you should manage with any cash that is left.
10. She doesn’t appreciate you
When you’re involved with a real woman, she’ll know how to appreciate everything you do for her.
It doesn’t mean that she has to be eternally grateful for the fact that you’re a good husband but she’ll certainly respect all the sacrifices you make for the sake of your marriage and everything you do to make her happy.
On the other hand, your wife is selfish because she takes you for granted. She doesn’t appreciate you and acts as if she’s not happy to have such a great man like you by her side.
11. She makes all the decisions
Selfishness, the same way as selflessness, can sometimes be seen in little, seemingly irrelevant things. One of the signs that your spouse is selfish is that they’re the one making all the choices and decisions about your life together.
For example, you two always go on vacation to the places she wants to visit. It doesn’t matter whether you prefer the mountains over the seaside; you’ll always put your desires aside, try your best to please her and do things her way.
The same goes for some everyday stuff. You’ll always spend your free time the way it suits her the best, you’ll go to the restaurants where she likes to eat and you’ll sleep together whenever she is in the mood.
12. She never approaches you first after a fight
All couples fight. In fact, when you get married, you usually start arguing more often than when you were just in a relationship.
So, the point about her selfishness is not in the fact that you two fight. The point is that she almost never approaches you first after any disagreement you had.
You might not notice this at first but if you look at things a little deeper, you’ll come to the conclusion that your selfish wife actually almost never made the first step toward your reconciliation. It’s like she could stay mad at you forever or continue giving you the silent treatment for the rest of your lives.
Instead, you’re always the one who apologizes and who tries to make things work.
13. She doesn’t do any work around the house
In a good marriage, both partners share their duties around the house. The time when it was only a woman’s job to go to the grocery store, cook and clean for the entire family while a man was there to financially provide for them, are luckily long gone.
However, just because you two are equals and because you’re not a selfish man who treats his wife like a personal servant or a doormat, it doesn’t mean that it’s okay for her not to do any work around the house.
In fact, your selfish wife acts like she is a guest in a fancy hotel most of the time. She expects you to do all the chores, to fix things around the house, to buy food from the grocery store, to cook lunch and so on.
If you two have kids, the situation is pretty much the same when it comes to co-parenting as well. It doesn’t have to mean that she completely disregards your children but the fact is that you do much more as their father than her as their mother.