Firstly, we need to make this clear—every couple fights. Secondly, arguing isn’t always necessarily bad; sometimes it’s just a way to strengthen the relationship.
And thirdly, you’ll get through it even when it feels like the end of the world. It’s not.
When we’re angry, it’s hard to control what comes out from our mouth but it’s possible to teach ourself some effective ways to keep things under control.
However, when the damage it’s done, there’s only so much we can do. Here’s some advice on how to ease the situation.
1. Don’t give him the silent treatment
One of the worst things you can do is insist on silence and avoid communication. Both of you should give each other space—space to reflect, calm down and think about everything that was said and done.
However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t not talk for long as that could lead to complications and distance. Neither of you should let your pride get in the way.
2. Express how you feel
Even in the heat of an argument, don’t conceal your true emotions from your partner. If you know you’re feeling jealous, betrayed or maybe abandoned, say it.
It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make sense or seem silly when put in the context of what started the fight.
It’s hard for another person to know exactly what you feel.
They might perceive it completely differently and at the end of the day, maybe if they know how certain things make you feel, they would’ve never done it.
Don’t hide your emotions and especially don’t hide them under senseless anger or rude and hurtful words.
3. Cool off and don’t be stubborn
After a fight, you should try your best to keep cool and don’t let negative feelings overwhelm you.
When you feel sad or angry, try to turn to your intellect and rationalize the importance of the issue; understand that minor things are going to be forgotten and your love for your partner will always stay the same.
Don’t cling to your pride or justify your partner’s behavior if they are being stubborn.
4. Give and accept an apology
This is a very important thing. Give and accept an apology after you calm down but don’t do so if you’re not sincere about it. Don’t just sweep things under the rug as that leads nowhere.
Instead, try a different approach and be honest about your current emotional and mental state, even if that means not saying sorry or not accepting an apology.
5. Find and address the root problem and triggers
Instead of addressing what was said in a moment of great anger, try seeing through those words.
If you had a fight that was full of intense emotions, try detecting those emotions and their cause.
Sometimes our subconscious acts out and we don’t even notice.
Maybe simple things our partner doesn’t even notice represent a big trigger for us due to our subconscious reminding us of past hurts that happened in previous relationships or even childhood.
When we address the root cause, the real reason why we get so angry over something, that’s the moment when we can move on.
Communication is important but understanding is most important.
6. Forgive yourself
Whenever we’re being rude to our loved one, we feel guilty afterward. It’s a soul-crushing feeling.
However, we need to remember that everything is solvable with enough effort. Nobody is perfect anyway—not us, not our partner.
What’s important is showing care and willingness to change things and ourself for the better.
7. Work toward bettering the relationship
After reconciliation, don’t forget about the problem. Accept what happened and talk everything through, even if it lasts a few days.
It’s not uncommon that after fighting, a couple becomes even closer and that’s because they learn about each other’s triggers.
At the end of the day, arguments mean that you care about the other person, it means you communicate in a real way, that your relationship is alive.
Don’t be afraid of arguing as long as you keep learning from each other.