Some invitations for catching up over coffee are more exciting than others. And they require better preparation, both emotional and physical.
Getting a text from your ex wanting to meet up can be both confusing and unexpected at the same time. Suddenly, all the memories come to your mind, emotions are going on a roller coaster, and you’re not even sure what to do.
Is there a chance for a new beginning, getting some closure or will it be a complete disaster? I’ve been there so I completely understand and get what you feel. You have a full right to simply block him and ignore the text. But if you decide to go out with him, don’t rush anything.
Before jumping on that wagon, consider some crucial questions. You don’t wanna end up having another heartbreak, do you? Then listen to me and ask yourself:
1. What do I want to get out of this?
Knowing your goal is kinda important in everything you do. You might be meeting with each other with completely different ideas in your mind. This is why it would be good to check if you’re on the same page.
Do you need closure, want to get them back, or are you just in for a friendly catch-up on your lives? Knowing what you want or why you’re meeting up with them will make the whole experience much smoother and leave less chance for disappointment.
I once met up with my ex and in my head, I was thinking we would just casually chat and joke around. Well, he ended up pouring his whole heart out, asking millions of questions, and begging me to give him another chance. So yeah, I regretted seeing him.
2. Is my heartbreak still fresh?
My friend warned me that a guy I broke up with one week ago would be at his party and I didn’t think anything of it. I was such a fool for going anyway. I tried to avoid him the whole night and then cried myself to sleep when I got back home.
Don’t repeat my mistakes. Take your time to fully heal and when you reach the stage you don’t feel even the slightest bit of heartache when someone mentions him, you’re ready!
Meeting up with your ex too soon is like wanting to take off your bandaid 5 minutes after putting it on, it’s stupid, painful, and doesn’t make sense.
3. Do I have too many expectations?
Having too many unrealistic expectations is like setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t be your biggest enemy. If you think others will follow fake scripts you came up with in your head, you’re fooling yourself.
The best thing to do is to go without any expectations, just be chill and go with the flow. Being realistic will save you from another breakdown. And then if anything good happens, you might be pleasantly surprised.
4. Can I handle every outcome?
My friend came to me crying after she met up with her ex. She thought there was a possibility for a new beginning and he straight up told her he met someone really special. I’ve never seen her so devastated.
A coffee with your ex can lead to a trillion different things. And you should be prepared to handle every outcome with grace.
Can you accept that they’ve moved on? What if they’re living a better life without you? How would you react if they wanted you back and you continued with your life? These are all valid questions you should think about before hurting them or yourself.
5. Am I hoping for more than just a coffee?
Are you accepting that invitation while secretly hoping something more will come out of it? Coffee is amazing but if you’re going to drink it while hoping it will taste revolutionary, you might end up with a bitter taste in your mouth.
If you can’t meet up with them without expecting a happily ever after end to your story, then maybe you should give yourself more time.
Setting high expectations is also not fair to your ex who’s maybe only looking for a friendly date and doesn’t want to feel responsible for your meltdown.
6. Are there any unanswered questions?
It’s hard to move on while some questions are still spinning in your head. But don’t be like my ex and transform your coffee date into a quiz without any warning.
Ask them beforehand if they’re comfortable with answering some questions you have. But also be aware that even if you get answers, they might not be what you expected so you’ll end up even more disappointed.
Sometimes some questions are better left unanswered and some problems are too deep to solve over one meet-up.
7. How will this affect me?
Think about yourself for a moment. How do you feel? Are you stable and healed or feel more like a FedEx package with a sticker saying “fragile”?
After seeing my ex, I started overthinking for days and my emotional state was in chaos. So, if you think meeting with them will return you to day one when you felt awful, it’s not worth it.
Only when you’re sure that it could help you move on with your life, then it’s a good idea. Otherwise, leave it be. It’s important to understand yourself and take care of your well-being.
Remember, put yourself first, be honest, and leave crazy expectations at home before going out. Good luck!