Let’s face it—you can no longer think everything has to be black or white nowadays. You need to accept that anything in the world you live in has gray areas, and so does your relationship.
Is it scary? Fear not! It is actually a pretty good balance, but for it to be so, you need to agree on that reality.
Here’s how it all starts: the way you see yourself and what you think about yourself draw the lines and structure of your relationship. Then, once you have settled your own values and standards comes the time to think about how you would like to handle your love with that man you met at some point.
Be ready for it because you must follow some instructions – like if you were playing Monopoly – so you can eventually be successful in creating strong bonds with him and make them last.
Yes, a relationship is somewhat that—a game. A game with instructions. Not the kind of game you want to win by being better than the other one though. But it’s still a game that is supposed to have two winners.
Instead of competing, you are supporting an exceptional game with a teammate—the best teammate you might ever have. That game has rules, boundaries, and strategies, yet, you want to make sure that both of you agree to the instructions based on a win-win situation.
It has to be a fair game that doesn’t lead you or him to become a hermit, that doesn’t make you or him feel mistreated or less powerful, and that doesn’t allow any control freak. With that being said, you should never ever expect that he can make you feel complete. If you do so, you might not feel happy for many, many years throughout your life.
Why? Simply because some relationships are not meant to be. Some relationships don’t work any longer after a while.
And let’s be realistic here; if a breakup has to be official, if a divorce has to be signed – What do you have left if you have put all your energy in this relationship? What do you have left if you have always sacrificed your own needs in order to accommodate your partner’s desires first?
It is nobody’s role to make you feel happy or accomplished in your life; it is your own duty before anything else. As a unique individual, we all have some issues to deal with. We all have some concerns to think of. We all have some difficulties to face… and that’s a lot for a human, isn’t it?
So, when it comes the time to meeting him, spending time with him, developing feelings for him, and finally sharing love with him, you obviously don’t expect this relationship to be an additional issue in your life as you genuinely don’t want to give him a hard time. You are just willing to live that love story of yours in the best conditions, and it is actually understandable.
As a result, that man who sincerely loves you makes you feel good, comfortable, peaceful, and all the rest. Yet, all those “good” feels are not about your personal wellbeing, but about the relationship per se.
Because you are conscious enough to realize it’s no easy thing to find someone who can “give” you that feeling, you are grateful for having that guy in your life and by your side. That’s when you really start exploring your relationship in a positive mindset.
Don’t assume that such a man doesn’t exist if you haven’t met him yet. It is your choice to believe whatever you want to believe. However, the hope you decide to live with makes a world of difference.
By using wordings that imply negativity—”doesn’t,” “can’t,” “won’t,” “never,” etc…—it is next to impossible to find that “gorgeous” person or even admit that he is here, right in front of you. It is next to impossible to feel those positive and peaceful emotions. And if you do so, it might be time to change your mind.
But yes, the world is made of many different types of people, and thus, many different types of men. Nobody is the same, and you need to accept the fact that you, them, him, and I all think, talk, act, behave, and feel differently.
The world is full of people attempting to do different things, and you may be a part of that. The universe is moving forward, and so are you and this man.
But again, it is all on you to make a decision, and it is your personal job to ask yourself – Are you ready for it? Are you ready to believe in it?
Don’t step back because of some little details. Don’t step back because you don’t like anything he likes or he doesn’t have the same hobbies as yours. Don’t step back because he doesn’t binge on Netflix or doesn’t like the Marvels.
You all have different interests—thank God––and sometimes you find people who like the same things as you. Some other times, you meet people who don’t share the same passions. This fact may be real in your relationship as well, but it’s okay. You don’t need to fake it, you don’t need to pretend anything.
Passions and hobbies are personal. You don’t have to justify anything about that, but you can be proud of you and proud of him because both of you are aware of what you really like, and trust me, it is an important step.
You cannot blame him for liking something that on your own, you don’t feel any importance for. Actually, you cannot blame him for anything. Period.
You are in charge of how you feel and the way you want to deal with your emotions. Thus, if something doesn’t work the way you would like it to work, it is because you are mistaken in your beliefs.
In short, you cannot put the blame on someone else, and surely not on him, and that rule works the other way around as well. Don’t take any responsibility for his own mistakes.
Nevertheless, you do have the right to make a stand. You do have the right to say no and use the four-letter word––and so does he. You do have the right to support him if this is what you want, but don’t think you are forced to. The decision is yours. Only yours. Always yours.
You are the one in charge of making any decision for yourself, in the same way as you are the one and only one to know what your real feelings are toward him. That detail––yet still essential––is one of the rules that comes to complete the instructions of your game: don’t lie to yourself.
Try to listen to your mind, but do not ignore your heart. While the latter communicates with you through emotions and feelings, your mind, in the opposite way, always tries to be more reasonable, and unfortunately tends to question you––pretty much anytime––so you can be sure you will be getting confused at some point. So here’s what you need to do: listen to both.
Don’t pick either of those, or the result might not end up being great. It is actually hard work. It is tough, rough, and very time-consuming––not to mention that the process is very long, if not endless. The thing is, neither is love just a feeling that brings you some advantages or benefits in life nor is it just a feeling that makes you “love” yourself.
Indeed, love is nothing else than that feeling you have toward him and vice versa. And being able to pay attention to your mind and your heart might help you to love––love.
Long story short, you are crazy about him, for who he is. He surely has beautiful sides – otherwise, why would you like to be with him anyway?
He may be gorgeous, sweet, gentle, kind, caring, lovely, and/or something else— yet, you have to learn to accept his flaws as well because let’s be honest here––nobody is perfect. Neither you nor him—and it’s all fine; it means you two are humans.
By Mathilde Clemence Personne