A few times I went on a date with someone who I considered a really nice guy, but then would end up shocked by his behavior and toxicity after things didn’t go the way he planned.
I was wondering if there’s a way that you can recognize a toxic man in a “nice guy” disguise, and I asked all the women I knew to tell me all about their experiences.
I texted my coworkers, friends, and acquaintances sharing what had happened to me and asking them to reply with similar stories that I might use to arrange some kind of handbook for unmasking “wrong” men who pretended to be nice.
From what I got, I can tell you it’s hard to tell at first glance, but these stories will remind you to always keep your eyes wide open.
1. “He was hiding a strange cult membership”
2. “He thought my seductive attire was a message”
I met a nice guy at the library and we immediately hit it off. However, after a few dates he started acting weird. Actually, when I think about it, he was awkward from the beginning. My friends didn’t like him.
On our fifth date, he got upset because I was not in the mood for a hookup after dinner. He started being boastful, telling me how successful he was, and how I should feel as if I won the lottery because I was dating someone special like him.
He also told me I dress way too provocatively and my appearance screams “Take me to bed”. I went home and stopped returning his calls.
3. “My coworker was taking pictures of ‘us’”
4. “I wanted to give you a chance even though you’re not my type”
We met on Tinder and after a few weeks went out for a date. He kept telling me about the types of women he preferred and even reached for his phone to show me pictures of some beautiful women in his gallery.
They were all tall, slim, and blond with short haircuts. I was not that type. I was a bit chubby, and short , with long dark hair. I asked why he was on a date with me as I was not his type. He said he was just being nice and wanted to give me a chance.
5. “I could have any girl”
We were flirting for a few weeks, he was a nice guy, but never invited me on a date. Then I started seeing someone and he got mad.
He told me he could have me if he wanted to, as he could have any girl he liked. But he didn’t want to get physical with me because he had a few hookups who were way hotter than me. I blocked him.
6. “My inbox was cluttered with his angry messages”
7. “I was thick and kinda cute”
It was a blind date. He showed up wearing a fedora and explained he was a gentleman who had very bad experiences with good-looking women. He continued talking about himself and made comments about me looking thick, but kinda cute.
After a few drinks, he gave me advice on losing weight and what I should wear to look more elegant. I said I have to take care of a sick grandma, and never went on a blind date again.
8. “He thought the negging would take me to his bed”
I met him on Bumble and at first, I didn’t know his age. After realizing he was ten years younger than me I tried to explain myself politely and end our communication.
That made him change the tone and he told me I should be happy if anyone wanted me as I was a big girl. There were more red flags but negging was the last straw. I blocked him for good.
9. “Pretended to be a nice guy and then called me ‘a dummy’”
10. “He seemed laid back but then tried forcing me to put spiral”
In the beginning, he was cool and relaxed and kept talking about the freedom to do whatever we wanted. Then he asked me to put a spiral so we could enjoy each other carelessly.
I didn’t prefer foreign objects inside my body so I refused. Then he made a big deal out of my periods and started behaving aggressively when we were intimate.
I had no other option but to leave him.
11. “I was forced on a date”
We met while volunteering at an animal sanctuary. I told him about my ugly breakup and how deeply hurt I was. He knew I wasn’t over my ex yet.
One day, my car was in service and he offered to drive me home. Suddenly I noticed he was headed in the opposite direction. When I asked where he was taking me, he said we were going on a date. I was shocked and kindly asked to take me home as I was not interested in him.
He wouldn’t give up so we ended up in a bar. I said, ok one drink and then he will take me home. He ordered a second round. I kept asking him to take me home. I was so afraid but didn’t know what to do.
Then I saw my friend from school, went to him, explained everything and asked if he could give me a ride. He did. I stopped volunteering, scared to meet him again.
12. “I can’t stand women who think macho is hot”
Scary stories, right? You see, you can never be sure if he is truly nice or just pretending. Make sure to pay good attention and notice telltale signs and all the red flags at the beginning. Spare yourself from ending in a toxic relationship!