You knew deep inside that it wasn’t love. Love was not supposed to be like that. Love was not supposed to hurt you and diminish you.
Love was not supposed to make you feel less worthy. But, your love did.
Your love broke your heart every morning you woke up. Your love hurt you with every text you received. Your love destroyed you with every harsh word it spoke.
It wasn’t always like that. When you met him, he wanted to give you the world. He wanted you to feel safe and protected.
He wanted to wrap you in his love and keep you safe in his arms—away from bad people, away from the vicious world.
Isn’t that every girl’s dream? Isn’t that all you’ve ever wanted?
So, you went along with it. So, you accepted to follow him blindly because you saw a ray of sunshine at the end of your dark and lonely tunnel.
Who would have thought he would only drag you deeper in the dark instead of showing you the way out?
He began to change, to show his hidden ‘rotten’ face one tiny step at a time. It first began with nagging: “You shouldn’t have done this, you shouldn’t have done that…”, but gradually it became worse.
He began screaming at you for every single thing that he disapproved of or disliked. He wanted you to dance to the music he played.
He wanted you to become someone else, someone up his street—a complete stranger to you. He wanted you to be perfect, his little work of art.
And you became that. You couldn’t recognize yourself anymore. You weren’t the person you used to be.
Bit by bit, one thing at a time, he made sure that happened. He corrected you in everything you did.
Even when you had your moments of complete soberness, when you weren’t drugged with his words and deeds, when you knew that you weren’t crazy and that you weren’t guilty of things he accused you of, you couldn’t fight back.
He would disarm you right at the beginning of your battle.
He would make you believe things that were not true, he would make up words and give them life, like they had come from your mouth.
It was hopeless and you were lost, having no place to go, but to stay there and wait for him to finish.
Sometimes, you were even apologizing for things that you never did, just so you could shut him up, just so he would leave you alone already. You couldn’t listen to him and his screaming anymore.
Every single one of his cold and heartless words pierced you right in the core of your heart, like they were old and rusty but sharp blades.
Those hurtful and degrading moments were the ones that led you to where you are today—far away from him.
Although you felt like you couldn’t take any of it anymore, you weren’t aware that every toxic move he made gave you more strength to walk away from him. I know you know that now.
Every time you wanted to leave, he would pull you back in . Every time you confronted him and told him he treated you like crap, he would apologize just to shut you up, treat you kindly for a few days and then the circle continued.
As soon as he saw you had cooled down, he would switch back to being a complete asshole.
You kept thinking he would change. You knew you fell in love with him for some reason, but you couldn’t remember why anymore.
So, you kept thinking he would change. You kept lying to yourself that it was just a phase and he would snap out of it. You even tried to help him see he was not a good person.
All of that was in vain. These people can’t change unless they want to. You can’t do anything about it so it would be better if you’ never even tried. You should have left a long time ago.
But, it’s okay because you left. Somehow you found the strength and one simple goodbye did it. Done. He is history now.
You found the strength to accept your relationship for what it was —a pack of toxic lies. Lying and cheating became more than you could handle.
You simply cracked. And he couldn’t stop there. Not just that he lied to you, he abused you emotionally by making you believe in things that were not true.
He gaslighted and manipulated you into doing what he wanted.
You found the strength to finally put a stop to everything. You decided you weren’t going to hurt anymore. You decided that you weren’t going to waste your life on that pathetic bastard who was sucking you dry.
You decided you’d had enough of him tearing you up inside.
You found the strength to finally break it to yourself that you deserved better. You know that life doesn’t last forever and you finally realized that you might miss the right one by putting up with the wrong one.
You knew it was time to change that, at any cost. The kind of love you were getting was not the love you deserved and the amount of love you were putting into your relationship wasn’t paid back, not even a bit.
You found the strength to accept that leaving him would hurt you . Of course, you’re going to hurt. No matter what he did to you, you got used to being around that person.
He was a part of your life for a long time and now he’s gone. Every change is scary, even one for the good. The scariest part is the one that comes right after breaking up.
You are hurting because you are alone and not to mention that he took care that you would feel rejected and unworthy.
You found the strength to take control over your life. This is the most important thing you had to realize. You finally realized that you needed to do something.
You realized that you would refuse to continue living this way. Maybe you now need help from your friends or family, maybe you need professional help.
Whatever it is, don’t hesitate to ask, to do something. That is only the first but most important step that awaits you in life. A life without abuse, a life without him.
Don’t let anyone define you and mold you like you’re a lousy and faceless piece of clay.
Don’t let anyone make you his own masterpiece because you are the only one who knows what you need, want and deserve. Never settle for anything else .