Let’s start with the first universal truth that we’re all familiar with and that is: Break-ups utterly suck.
No matter what they tell you about this one, no one will ever be able to contradict it.
Break-ups are a real pain in the ass that make us question why we even started anything with anyone in the first place.
They test our sanity, tolerance and pain threshold. But, believe it or not, not everything is black and white.
There’s this little gray area about break-ups that no one ever tells you about. It is stationed between your rationality and insanity and that is why it is really hard to capture it.
Summarized, there are 5 absolute truths about break-ups that no one ever tells you about and that can help ease your pain.
1. You can’t choose not to be in pain but you can choose not to suffer
Being in pain and suffering are two different things but somehow we always see it as one thing.
After a break-up, your body and mind go through enormous amounts of pain that you can’t control.Your heart hurts, you find it hard to breathe, you feel disappointed.
All of these things are inevitable but suffering is optional. Suffering means being unable to stop overthinking.
It means asking yourself too many questions and blaming yourself and the universe for all the hardships that your break-up has brought you.
Suffering is that little voice in your head asking you questions like: What would have happened had I done this or that?
Why didn’t I notice it earlier? Why me?
Now comes the hardest part.
You’re probably asking yourself how in the world you can choose not to suffer because it seems that it is happening automatically.
Choosing not to suffer is definitely not easy and you do it by telling all of those questions to go fuck themselves and never come back because they are not real.
They are not a part of you. They are just some countereffects that can be exterminated.
2. The word ‘deserve’ is a trap
When something bad happens like breaking up, we tend to immediately link it with the word ‘deserve’.
We tell ourself that we didn’t deserve it and maybe some other person who was a real asshole did deserve it.
By classifying people in accordance with what they ‘deserve’, we fall even deeper into misery.
We all deserve to experience a reciprocal love and the only difference is that some people experience it earlier and some later (when they become ready for it).
Constantly thinking about what you ‘deserve’ makes you feel even more sad and confused.
Everything happens for a reason and the reason is not about being deserving or not deserving.
When it comes to break-ups, you should erase the word ‘deserve’ from your dictionary because if you don’t, it will prolong your pain.
3. Running from what hurts you will never heal you
We all cope differently when it comes to break-ups.
Some of us go drinking night after night, some of us choose one-night ‘romances’, some of us find something else that will distract us from the pain we’re feeling.
But the truth is that no matter what we do, the only thing that will ever be able to heal is time.
Running from what hurts you will never heal you because simply distracting yourself with some other things so that you don’t think about the core of your pain has nothing to do with healing.
I’m sorry to tell you that no matter how long you choose to run away from yourself and your past, nothing will ever change until the right time comes.
No matter what you do, you will heal when time chooses so.
4. Constantly retelling or exaggerating your break-up story to others will prolong your healing time
After a break-up, it feels normal to contact our friends and family about it because evidently, misery likes company.
But constantly retelling, or even worse, rewriting and exaggerating your break-up story so that you become the hero of it (when you know you’re not) is not healthy.
No one’s a hero and no one’s a villain when it comes to break-ups.
You two simply didn’t get along because of some reasons and that is all there is to it.
Making your ex a villain in other people’s eyes is toxic for your health and the health of others and it will prolong your healing time.
Being realistic about the events, accepting what happened and reducing the retelling are the best things you can do for yourself and the people around you.
I mean, no one wants to listen to your break-up details 24/7 because they want to spend time with you and not your past.
5. Forgiving your ex and yourself are a must if you want to be happy again
I understand that it is really hard to forgive someone who mistreated you in a relationship but you have to know that you’re doing it for yourself.
The worst thing you can do after a break-up is pretend that everything’s okay while inside you’re collapsing.
Forgiving your ex and yourself is the key to reaching ultimate happiness again. And do you know why?
Because if you’re feeling rage, disappointment and madness, all of these will become a part of you and they will not leave you until you forgive.
You will never be able to enter into a new relationship and be happy with someone else as long as you don’t forgive your ex or yourself for the previous one.
It is an inevitable cycle of life that we all must go through if we want to start a new chapter in our life.