We all know that life is a bitch and having someone by your side who can help you get through the day means a lot. Having someone who will have your back and who will keep you company when everything is going well and when everything is going south.
But some people are simply not meant to be in a relationship.
Some people are simply not meant to be part of our life.
I’m talking about toxic manipulators, of course. The thing with manipulations is that they tend to damage you for life if you don’t see them in time. And, trust me, they are hard to notice.
I’ve been manipulated before and while I justified it myself by being young, deep down I know that I never had a chance with them. They were just too good for me to notice their games.
So, to help you, to help anyone who reads this article and to save at least one person from being manipulated like I was, I bring you the devious signs of manipulations you need to watch for in a relationship.
While some of them seem innocent, trust me, in combination with other signs in this list, they are time bombs waiting to go off, and the only victim will be you.
Never taking responsibility for his mistakes
This one could be hard to notice in the early beginnings of a relationship, simply because there are not that many arguments in the honeymoon phase. But it can still happen and the only way you can see it is to stop and really look at your relationship.
Can you remember the last time he apologized for something he did (like when he ignored your texts? Or did he make a bunch of empty promises he never kept? Or did he try to blame you for something he did, so you ended up being the one to apologize?
This one happened to me a lot, because I wanted my relationship to succeed so badly. I fell for that guy head over heels and everything he said or did was so distorted to me at one point.
Now when I look back I just want to slap myself for being an idiot but I was young and I was in love. And I also lost a big part of my faith and innocence thanks to him and his games.
Jealousy in small amounts can be considered healthy for a relationship. It tells you that he cares about you and there is something adorable about him being a little bit jealous.
But if that jealousy is getting out of hand, such as him blaming you for being too available to others and making you stay at home because he feels safer that way—you are being manipulated.
Often, people who are jealous are really insecure, so they project those insecurities onto you. They see infidelity where there is none of it and they are constantly afraid you will cheat because they feel like they are not good enough.
When you feel that way, it’s normal and healthy to talk about it with your partner to see if there is a way to deal with it.
But manipulating your partner into staying at home with you and making them feel guilty all the time for having a life outside of the relationship—that’s just a sign of toxic manipulation.
He never keeps his word
They say that empty words foster empty hearts. When you are constantly being promised amazing dates, a great life and so much love but you don’t experience any of it, you start feeling like all the joy is being sucked out of you.
You start doubting your worth and your relationship but not in ways you should be doubting them.
Manipulators will say whatever they need to say in order to keep you around and trust me, they know all the right words to say.
If your partner is making a bunch of empty promises but never follows through, you are being manipulated into staying with him. In love, words don’t mean as much as actions do.
Don’t tell me how much you love me, show me. Make me feel loved, instead of just promising it.
Guilt-tripping and passive-aggressive behavior
Guilt-tripping is basically the ultimate tool for manipulations. It’s essentially using your past mistakes in order to get things from you, even if you made that mistake unknowingly or accidentally.
Maybe you hurt his feelings once (or he even made it up) and now he is using that incident when he asks you for a favor, to make you feel guilty and more easily manipulated.
You are doing something you don’t want to do, all because you feel guilty for something you did in the past and something he allegedly forgave you for. If you notice this, put the brakes on your relationship immediately.
And as far as passive-aggressive behavior goes, it’s the most immature technique that manipulators use to get something from you.
He is not interested in talking openly about the issue and letting you know that he is upset; instead, he will talk about you behind your back or leave a sink full of dishes to let you know that he is pissed.
This is not only a sign of passive-aggressive behavior but also a sign of an emotionally immature man and you need to run away from him ASAP!
Using you to boost his ego
While people are fishing for compliments all the time, if they are manipulative while doing it, it’s a HUGE, red flag.
He will often say how he believes he will get fired, how he sucks at work or how he could lose some more weight because you will leave him for someone better looking, and he’s doing it only to get compliments from you.
You kind of feel obligated to make him feel better about himself but honestly, that’s like fighting a windmill. You will do it over and over again until it starts driving you crazy.
And forcing his insecurities on you is something he will surely do. It’s like forbidding you to eat peanut butter because he is allergic to peanuts, or he will ask you to stop hanging out with male friends because he was once cheated on.
It may seem crazy, but his games and manipulations will be so good that you won’t notice them at first and you’ll unknowingly obey them. That is exactly why manipulators are dangerous.
They strip you naked of your confidence, your friends and sanity, until there is nothing left. After that, they leave, looking for their next victim, because their work with you is done.
See also: 10 Signs He’s Using You As An Ego Boost