There will be days when you will feel exhausted, powerless, and overwhelmed with pain and sadness after a breakup. Unfortunately, there is no skipping through that phase. However, things do get easier, especially if you don’t make your healing process more complicated than it already is.
There are 5 stages everyone goes through after a breakup: hoping things will change, acknowledging that there’s no going back, time to be mad, making peace with the situation and moving on. And when we finally reach the last phase, moving on, we realize that’s where things get harder and the real work begins.
Sometimes we sabotage our own process of moving on by doing things we know we shouldn’t. That’s why we have to change and let go of certain things in order to ease that process, and seriously move on once and for all.
These things seem simple but when you actually do them, you see just how difficult they are. That’s why you have to be decisive and determined to leave your ex and all the pain in the past and start concentrating on yourself and your future.
1. Changing the scenery
The place you live in never seemed so small. Everywhere you go and everywhere you look there is something that keeps reminding you of him. It’s like a trip down memory lane and it’s not doing you any good.
That’s why you need a change of scenery. Find a different route to work. Go to relax in some park you never went with him. Find a new movie theater. Find a fresh place to take your morning coffee. This is not a way to escape your past, it’s a way to avoid it being in your face all the time. Your brain does enough coming back on its own—you don’t need additional reminders of your ex.
2. Saying goodbye to certain people
There are other people your ex brought with him into your life t who became part of yours. They are his friends or even his family who you came to care for very deeply. But the emphasis is on his. In most cases, they will have his back and hold his side of the story. They will intentionally or unintentionally meddle, give advice or try to bring you guys back together.
If you are serious about moving on, that’s not something you need. What you need is distance from that relationship and everything that is connected to it, even people. It’s harsh. It’s not easy to cut those connections, but sometimes it’s necessary. You have to think about you and your feelings, and whether the presence of those people is getting in your way of letting go of the past.
3. Disposing of emotionally charged items
This is a bit redundant to say but still worth mentioning. If your room, apartment or house is full of stuff that reminds you of your ex you should throw it out or give it away.
You don’t need small gifts he gave you reminding you of happy moments that are in the past. You don’t need to use his old T-shirt as a PJ because you have other things to wear. You don’t need photos of you and your ex happy and smiling around you because they will only bring out the tears.
No matter how small the items are, they are emotionally charged. They carry meaning and memories, so they keep you in this state of nostalgia and reminiscence, instead of allowing you to move forward.
4. Changing your routine
You need something new in your life. Not necessarily a rebound guy because that’s not always the smartest choice. But you need some kind of change. You need to step out of your comfort zone and see what you are made of.
You need to try something you never tried before and see how that experience affects you. It can be anything, from traveling, road trips, yoga classes, running, pottery class, archery, boxing, paragliding, painting classes—the sky’s the limit and you just need to choose what interests you the most.
It’s a way of keeping your mind off of things while doing something fun and productive at the same time. This is the right time to put yourself first and do things that interest you and have absolutely no connection with your ex.
While benefits of social media are numerous, having a constant insight into your ex’s life is not one of them. Social media is your enemy when it comes to forgetting and moving on. Things get worse if your ex already started a new relationship and their happy faces are popping out wherever you click.
You don’t have to delete or block your ex if you don’t want to, but you certainly should unfollow him on social media. That way he will be less present in your news feed and in your life. All you have to do now is avoid clicking on his profile and checking out where he is, with whom he is and what he is up to. That’s not your problem anymore. It’s time you redirect your focus on yourself.
6. Cutting all ties with your ex
It’s easier to talk or text with your ex every now and then. You feel better. You feel as if though he is still fully present in your life. You feel good at those moments. But those moments are short. Call ends. Texts stop. And you are back to where you started because there is no going back.
Being in constant contact with your ex is just postponing the inevitable. You shouldn’t fake a friendship or force yourself to pretend like you don’t feel more than that for him. Your feelings won’t disappear overnight, and the longer you keep him in your life, the harder it will be for you to let go.