In the world of dating, there’s a sneaky tactic known as ‘submarine ghosting.’ It’s when someone disappears without a trace, only to pop back up as if nothing happened. This baffling behavior leaves you feeling confused and ungrounded.
With these 17 clues, you’ll be able to spot if your date is playing submarine, and maybe save yourself some heartache in the process.
1. They Disappear for Weeks, Then Text Like Nothing Happened
Picture this: your phone pings after weeks of silence. It’s them, acting like nothing happened. No explanation, no apology. Just a casual ‘Hey, what’s up?’ It’s almost as if they’ve emerged from the depths of the ocean, ready to dive back into your life when it suits them. They may even act surprised that you missed them, as if their disappearing act was completely normal.
This behavior keeps you on the hook, making you question whether you’re overreacting or if you should be grateful they resurfaced at all. It’s a classic sign of submarine ghosting and a behavior you shouldn’t ignore.
2. You’re Always the One Checking In
Have you noticed you’re always the one sending the first message? It’s like you’re the perpetual initiator of conversations. You’re left wondering if they even remember you exist when you’re not reaching out. When they do reply, it feels half-hearted, almost like a courtesy rather than genuine interest.
This pattern suggests they’re more interested in the chase than in actually catching you. It’s exhausting to be the one holding the relationship together. If your texts feel like one-way traffic, you might be dealing with a submarine ghoster.
3. Their Apologies Are Generic (And Late)
When they finally come back into your life, their apologies feel like they could be sent to anyone. “Sorry, I’ve been so busy,” is typically the extent of it, lacking any personal acknowledgment of the time you’ve spent waiting. They might as well be reading from a script, and it often comes too late.
These apologies are a mere formality to soothe their conscience, not to mend your relationship. It’s the kind of apology that leaves you feeling more frustrated than before. If their apologies feel insincere or rehearsed, it’s a red flag.
4. They Dodge Real Questions
Ever tried to talk about the future with them, only to watch them sidestep your questions like a pro? They have a knack for diverting conversations away from anything too serious. It’s always about the present moment, never about what lies ahead.
This evasive maneuvering keeps you from understanding their true intentions. It can be as if they hit the snooze button on commitment. If you feel like you’re not getting straight answers, it might be time to reevaluate what you’re hoping to achieve with this person.
5. They Keep Plans Loose “Just in Case”
Their plans with you are always tentative, filled with “maybes” and “we’ll sees.” It’s as though they’re keeping their options open, ready to bail at any moment. When you try to pin them down, you’re met with more ambiguity.
This lack of commitment is a hallmark of submarine ghosters who prefer to stay non-committal. It leaves you feeling like a backup plan, not a priority. If their plans with you are consistently vague, it’s a sign they might not be truly invested.
6. Messages Feel Like Breadcrumbs
Their messages come sporadically, like crumbs leading nowhere. Each one feels just enough to keep you engaged but not enough to satisfy your craving for connection. It’s as if they want to remind you they exist without actually committing to anything substantial.
The sporadic communication can make you feel like you’re part of a game you didn’t sign up for. If their messages leave you more confused than connected, it’s likely a deliberate tactic to keep you hanging on.
7. They Blame “Being Busy” But Post Constantly
When they vanish, their go-to excuse is how busy they’ve been. Yet, a quick look at their social media tells a different story. They’ve been actively posting, liking, and commenting, just not engaging with you. It’s like they have time for the world, but not a moment for you.
This contradiction speaks volumes about their priorities. If they’re too busy for you but not for their online life, it might be time to reconsider their place in yours.
8. You Never Know Where You Stand
Your interactions are filled with mixed signals. One moment, they’re all in, and the next, they’re pulling away, leaving you in a constant state of limbo. It’s like a rollercoaster of emotions, where you never know what today’s ride will bring.
This inconsistency keeps you off balance, making you question your own judgment. If you find yourself frequently wondering about your place in their life, it might be a sign of a submarine ghoster.
9. They’re Overly Affectionate—Then Gone
At times, their affection is overwhelming, showering you with attention and making you feel on top of the world. But as quickly as it comes, it disappears, leaving you questioning if it was ever real. It’s like a dream you can’t quite hold onto.
This cycle of hot and cold can be emotionally draining, pulling you into their orbit only to cast you out again. It’s a hallmark of someone who’s not truly committed.
10. You Feel Hooked, But Not Grounded
Their presence in your life is magnetic, yet unsettling. You find yourself drawn to them despite the lack of stability they offer. It’s as if they’ve cast a spell, one that keeps you emotionally invested even when logic tells you otherwise.
This feeling of being hooked without any grounding reflects the uncertainty they bring into your life. If your relationship lacks a solid foundation, it might be time to assess whether it’s worth pursuing.
11. They Bring Up the Past to Distract You
Whenever you try to have a serious discussion, they have a tendency to bring up old memories or past experiences. It’s almost like a magic trick, diverting your attention from the present issues to nostalgia.
This tactic can cloud your judgment, making you forget the problems at hand. If you notice them frequently using the past as a shield, it’s an indication they might be avoiding real engagement with you.
12. They Say Just Enough to Keep You Around
Their words are carefully chosen, not too little, not too much. They offer just enough to maintain your interest but never enough to foster real intimacy. It’s like they’re dangling a carrot, always just out of reach.
This superficial engagement is designed to keep you waiting and wanting more. If their conversations lack depth, it’s a sign they might be more interested in keeping you on standby than truly getting to know you.
13. You Catch Them Reusing Old Lines
Ever caught them repeating the same compliments or stories? It’s like they have a library of lines ready to deploy. This can make interactions feel less personal, as if you’re just another recipient of their recycled affection.
It’s a sign they might not be as invested as you’d like. If their words start feeling familiar, it might be time to question the authenticity of their intentions.
14. They Talk Big but Act Small
Their promises are grand, filled with visions of future adventures and commitments. But when it comes time to act, they fall short, leaving you disappointed. It’s the classic bait and switch, building up hopes only to dash them.
This inconsistency between words and actions speaks volumes. If their deeds don’t match their promises, it might be a sign they’re not as serious as they seem.
15. They Pretend You’re Close… Only When It’s Convenient
In moments of convenience, they act as if you’re the most important person in their life. But when it requires effort or sacrifice, their demeanor shifts, leaving you confused. It’s like being on a seesaw, never knowing which end you’ll find yourself on.
This selective closeness might suggest they’re more interested in the benefits of a relationship rather than the responsibilities. If you feel like a convenience rather than a priority, it’s a red flag.
16. You Feel More Confused Than Happy
Interaction with them leaves you feeling more puzzled than joyful. Sure, there are moments of happiness, but they’re often overshadowed by uncertainty and doubt. It’s like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.
This constant confusion can be emotionally taxing, making you question whether it’s all worth it. If their presence in your life brings more questions than answers, it’s worth considering your next move.
17. Your Gut Tells You They’re Not Really In
Deep down, your intuition is whispering that something isn’t quite right. Despite their charming exterior, there’s a nagging feeling that they’re not fully committed. It’s like a sixth sense, telling you to tread carefully.
Trusting your gut can be difficult, especially when emotions are involved. But if your instincts are raising alarms, it might be time to listen. Often, our intuition picks up on signs that the conscious mind overlooks.