If you’re dealing with a confused man at the moment or if you’ve ever had to deal with such a man full of uncertainty, I want you to know that I totally understand you because I went through the same last year (and not once but multiple times before that).
All of us who have had anything to do with a confused man know the drill very well…
When you just met him, he was the embodiment of a real man.
He would always say the right words and do all the right things, he would try hard to make you feel special, text you frequently and even talk about his own feelings.
Go back to the time he was obsessed with you: CLICK HERE to learn how.
He would even refuse to hang out with his guy friends just to spend time with you because being together was inspiring and magical.
And then BOOM! Just as you were getting convinced that you were on the right track to experiencing true love, you found yourself with a question mark above your head.
Before, he would do all the right things and behave like a man who was totally ready to fully commit to you and now he’s a changed man (for the worse).
His texts are nonexistent or not-so-frequent like before and he no longer says anything romantic to you, let alone talk about his feelings for you.
He’s constantly busy with other things, or better said, he’s busy making excuses about being busy with other things.
And during all this, the only question that you have in mind is: WHY?
Why would he act like a real gentleman and the epitome of a real man in the beginning only to withdraw and fuck things up later?
Why would he all of a sudden change his mind and stop making an effort, as if something terrible happened or as if someone warned him that he’s about to enter a minefield called a committed relationship?
So many questions running through your head but not a single answer.
In the hope that you’ll figure out what is really going on in that man’s head, you start contemplating and deciphering all those mixed signals he’s giving you and you come to the following conclusions:
A: All this time, this young man was just pretending about everything
B: He’s seeing someone else
C: He’s about to break up with you
But then you realize that you would know if he had just been pretending all this time because he wouldn’t do it with that level of self-esteem and genuineness, that you would somehow know if he was seeing someone else and that there are no valid reasons for a potential breakup and that everything is in your head.
After deleting the possibility of him being a gay man, you rephrase all this into one question: What the actual fuck is going on?
And, my dear, the right answer is: ‘confused man’ syndrome.
More and more men are suffering from this confusing syndrome because of their personal reasons or because a woman has triggered them to withdraw.
When that happens, they become a ‘confused businessman, who doesn’t have time for anything or anyone, whose point of view on relationships has drastically changed and who has no idea what he’s doing.
You accept the fact that you’ve just witnessed the scenes of another (potentially) ‘good man gone confused’ but still, you have no idea what to do or say or where to start from, right?
Well, no need to worry because today, you will learn everything you need to know about confused men, including how to deal with such men.
So, let’s get started!
CONFUSED MAN: 8 REASONS FOR HIS UNCERTAINTY
There is always a reason for every action, there is always a why to everything we say, do or not do.
Now, there are multiple reasons for why a man would enter into confusion mode and decide to withdraw all of a sudden and here is a list of the most common ones that will help you understand better what is really going on in his head:
1. He’s scared of his own feelings
Let’s face it.
When it comes to feelings, men and women are definitely from different planets, meaning that women have the ability to better understand their feelings, whereas the majority of men get easily overwhelmed when it comes to anything related to the word ‘feelings’.
The pattern is the following: When you just started dating, he was all gentlemanly, kind and charming, as if everything was just perfect.
And now, after some time, he’s acting totally weird and you have no idea why.
Well, it’s because over time, he has developed feelings for you and now he doesn’t know how to deal with it because he either wasn’t ready for it or didn’t expect it.
If a man is acting confusingly and he suddenly pulls away, in most cases it’s because he’s scared of his own feelings.
He doesn’t understand what is really going on in his head or how to interpret what he’s feeling and that’s why he decides to hide from you in his man cave, where he’ll feel safe for some time.
That’s when you start asking yourself:
How do I deal with a guy who’s acting all enigma style?
This is really hard for every woman because you have this urge to help him and to push him to tell you what’s wrong with him but you should never do that.
Instead, you should just give him some time and space to understand what’s really going on. (Below, you’ll find more tips on how to deal with a confused man).
2. He’s a commitment-phobe
Confused man and commitment-phobe can sometimes be seen as one thing because the majority of confused men are actually only scared of commitment.
Now, what does this mean?
Imagine a bowl of all the ice cream flavors in the world and a man who is standing next to them.
When a man is ready to pick one flavor, he thinks about what he really wants, chooses wisely and appreciates the flavor.
But when a man is not ready to pick one flavor and he still does it for some reason, he starts having second thoughts and feeling trapped for going home with only one flavor when he could have tried many more.
To apply this theory to your situation, just replace the words ‘ice cream flavor’ with women/woman and you’ll get an idea of what I’m trying to say.
When a man is not ready to choose one person, to be with one woman, it means he’s not ready to commit to her.
Now, he might give that one woman a try, to see how things will go but if in the process he notices that he’s still yearning for his freedom and to keep all the other options open, he’ll become confused.
He’ll enter a state of mind where he’ll constantly weigh up all the pros and cons of staying with you and explaining to you that he’s just not ready for commitment or anything serious yet.
See also: 4 Early Red Flags He’ll Have Commitment Issues
3. He’s scared of getting hurt again
If a man was hurt in past relationships one way or another, chances are that he’ll be scared of getting hurt again in the future.
(It’s important to note that the same thing happens to women as well).
Also, it’s important to understand the trigger of this fear.
When you’re in the process of getting to know each other, a man will be totally chill and open with you because he still doesn’t see any potential red flags of his past pain.
But as things are getting more complicated and as you’re deepening your relationship, he will be more and more scared of getting hurt again.
Why? Because he’ll be scared of how crazy he is about you and of not being able to control any of it.
This means that he can either follow his feelings or run away from you, out of fear of getting hurt again.
But when a man likes you a lot, he certainly can’t decide to run away from you that easily but neither can he follow his feelings.
So, he enters a world of confusion and decides to take some time to reflect on his feelings and think about what he really wants while you enter a world of complete craziness waiting next to your phone and praying to God for any indication of his whereabouts.
(I totally feel ya with this one.)
4. You’re pushing him too hard
When a man is acting all weird and sending mixed signals, many women decide to take things into their hands and start pushing their man to commit or tell them what’s really going on.
If you’re guilty of pushing your man too hard, well, that might be the reason (or one of the reasons) why he’s become a confused man.
Pushing a man into something when he himself is not really ready for it is more like pushing your child to start acting like an adult.
In both cases, a positive outcome is not possible.
If you keep showering your man with love, romantic words and affection, thinking that this will change him, I have to say that it will not.
This will only make him feel trapped in his own body and evoke those feelings of confusion.
The more you’re pushing him and demanding to act certain ways, the more he’ll be ignorant to do so.
Why? Because it’s nature’s law.
When someone is forcing us into something, it’s our natural instinct to refuse to do so but when we have the freedom to choose, we see things more clearly and it’s easier to decide what we really want in a relationship or in life in general.
5. You’re being (too) needy
Similarly to the previous sign, being too needy in a relationship or in the initial stages of a relationship is another reason for the syndrome called ‘confused man’.
Now, what does being (too) needy really mean?
Being needy means not having your own life, constantly demanding your partner to spend all their free time with you, not being able to deal with things on your own, constantly asking for affection and reassurance from your partner and so on.
Being needy means being overly demanding, by which you dictate the tempo of your relationship and dictate your partner’s life.
So, if a man senses that a woman is being too needy, he will instantly get scared of her and start acting in a confusing manner.
He will start thinking about what a relationship with such a woman will look like in the future and whether he’ll be able to meet all her needs.
If he feels like it’s too much for him and that he’ll never be ready to be with a woman who is acting too needy for his taste, he’ll seriously start considering his other options.
Understand that if a man decides to fully commit, it means that he wants to make his woman happy but if a man senses that he’ll never be able to do so, he will pull the brakes and think twice before doing anything.
See also: 10 Signs You’re A Needy Girlfriend And How To Stop Being One
6. The relationship is moving too fast for him
More proof that men and women are from different planets is the way in which men and women dictate the pace of a relationship.
Given that generally, women don’t have problems with understanding their emotions and expressing their feelings, they are usually the ones who decide to initiate things that will quicken the pace of their relationship.
While a woman has already organized her wedding day in her head, a man is probably still thinking about whether he should tell her those three little words.
This is because women experience everything intensely and they trust their gut and feelings, whereas men need more time to accept their feelings and the fact that they’re in a relationship.
When a man senses that the relationship is moving too fast, he will, again, get confused and scared of it because he’s not on the same level as his woman.
7. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you
When a man loves a woman, it comes naturally to him to want to protect her, make her feel special and the happiest woman in the world.
But not every man is convinced that he’s capable of doing so and that’s where his suspicion arises.
He starts thinking that he’s not good enough for you and that he will not be able to make you happy in the future.
Given that every man’s biggest accomplishment and the greatest joy is seeing his woman content and blessed, he will think twice before concluding whether he’s eligible to ultimately make you happy.
And during that process, he will act like a confused man; he will not answer your calls, he will stop texting you as frequently as before and he will build walls around himself so that you can’t reach him until he himself is ready to welcome you into his world.
8. He doesn’t know what he really wants
And sometimes, the reason why a man is acting confused is the fact that he has no idea what he really wants.
This type of man literally wants everything at the same time…
He wants to be in a committed relationship but at the same time, he’s scared of commitment; he wants to show you affection but he doesn’t know how; he wants to make you happy but he’s afraid that he’ll fail at doing so.
He wants everything but at the same time, he wants nothing and that’s the biggest confusion of all.
It’s really hard to deal with such men because all those mixed signals that they’re giving are utterly tiring and draining.
And even if you were to have a conversation with such a man and ask him what the hell he wants from you, he still wouldn’t be able to answer you because he himself has no idea what he wants. Yup.
See also: 8 Most Common Mixed Signals Guys Send And Their Meaning
HOW TO DEAL WITH A CONFUSED MAN
Now that we have an insight into possible reasons for a man’s uncertainty in a relationship, it’s time to learn how to deal with such a man and make the best out of the situation.
And this is how you’ll do it:
1. DO NOT freak out
The biggest and the worst enemy when it comes to dealing with a confused man is freaking out.
But driven by my personal experience, I understand how hard it is to remain sane in such situations.
You want to smash your cell phone into pieces for him not calling or texting you, you want to contact your mutual friends and tell them to question his sanity and you want to kill him with your bare hands but at the same time, you just want to love him and you want things to be as they were.
Freaking out can turn all the above things into reality and you simply mustn’t let that happen.
You need to keep your own sanity for your own good and for the good of your relationship.
2. Instead of pressuring him, give him some space and time to think
No matter the reason for his confusion, there’s only one cure for it and that is giving him some space and time to think about everything.
If you pressure him, you will make things even worse (remember that part about nature’s law?).
So, whatever you do, do not pressure him in any way and try to focus on other things in your life, like your hobbies, job, family or similar.
The more you occupy yourself with other things, the less you’ll think about reaching out to him.
3. Write down your thoughts and feelings
Whenever you’re feeling like calling, texting or reaching him in any other way, take a piece of paper and start writing how you feel.
Write down everything you would want to say to him and how you feel about the situation and I can assure you, you’ll get instant relief as if you’ve just said all that to him, face to face.
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is also good for self-reflection as it will help you better understand how you really feel about things and it will help you accept it.
4. Be patient and let him approach you
Instead of approaching him, let him be the one who texts you, calls you or simply knocks on your door when he feels ready.
The idea here is to give him some space and time to think about what he really wants and to sort out his feelings and once he’s done with it, he’ll come back as if nothing happened.
And if he doesn’t, then you know you weren’t meant to be, so either way, you win!
5. In the meantime, enjoy your life!
While you’re waiting for him to reach you, don’t forget to enjoy your own life, go out with your friends, enjoy the company of your family and close friends, go for a walk, cuddle with your pet, watch your favorite TV shows and so on.
Instead of blaming yourself for everything that has happened, enjoy life to the fullest and wait for him to recognize what a beautiful woman you truly are, inside out!
And if you’re meant to be and if he’s the right one for you, he will come to his senses and he will get rid of all the confusion that’s preventing him from taking things to another level!
Yup. All you need to do is believe that it is so because it is (and it happened to me).
While I was gradually losing hope waiting for him to contact me, the unexpected happened.
He told me that he’d had some things to sort out and that was the reason why he had been absent and that he now understood what he really wanted and he was ready to fully commit to me.
I’m sure you’ll get the same answer from your confused man, so all you need to do is just wait, give him some space and time and enjoy your life in the meantime! (Wow, it also rhymes.)
