Those who say that there doesn’t exist a perfect man never met you. You were the closest to perfection any man will ever be. I was just foolish enough not to realize that in time.
I had my share of painful experiences before I met you. Men before you hurt me in ways you can never imagine.
They used me, disrespected me and none of them actually loved me. You already know that— my pain defined who I was and you couldn’t help but notice it.
But instead of serving me as lessons, those men made me be the same as them. And that is my biggest defeat.
When you came along in my life, I automatically assumed that you were the same as everyone else.
I thought your only intention was to take advantage of me or to emotionally manipulate me.
You kept showing me that you were different, that your intentions for me were honest but nothing could prove me wrong.
You tried very hard to show me how much you loved me but I refused to believe you.
I admit it now— I was always selfish when it came to you. I was possessive, controlling and overly jealous.
I never opened up to you completely— I always kept a part of my personality for myself only. I was constantly running away from you and your love.
Actually, when I come to think about it, I was probably running away from myself and from the way you made me feel.
But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. Because I did, very much. I know it’s hard for you to believe that now but I was crazy about you.
I just assumed that you would change your behavior the moment I changed mine. I thought you would stop loving me the moment I showed you my love.
And I thought you would stop putting any effort in to our relationship as soon as I showed some interest.
What I didn’t realize is how much I was hurting you in the process. I didn’t understand that I was doing to you exactly what all of those guys from my past had done to me.
I didn’t want to see that you were taking the blame for every guy who had ever done me harm. And none of it was your fault.
Most of all, I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you. You gave me your love, your attention, your respect, your compassion and care and you got nothing in return.
Actually, you did get my bitterness, my negativity, my lack of trust and all of the demons from my past.
When I come to think about it, you never asked for anything in return; you didn’t want my gratitude or admiration.
You just wanted me to love you back and to appreciate everything you’d been doing for me. And I couldn’t even give you that.
All I gave you was pain and rejection. And that is something I could never forgive myself for doing.
I don’t expect for you to accept my tearful apologies, because I have no one else to blame but myself for losing you. And I don’t expect you to understand me.
I’ve deserved this guilt I’ve been feeling for chasing you away. Nothing and nobody can help me get rid of this guilt.
And nothing except this helped me deal with it: Discover the Secret of Dealing with The Guilt Tripper
I don’t even expect your forgiveness. Even if you ever find the strength to forgive me, I want you to know that I can never forgive myself for hurting you and for losing you.
I’ve had my heart broken in pieces many times but nothing has ever hurt me this much. Me shattering your heart was one of the most painful things I have done in my life.
And I don’t expect your compassion for that. It was all my fault and it’s time for me to deal with the consequences of my actions.
I am a living example that you never know what you have until you lose it. I didn’t appreciate you enough while I had you and now I regret it more than anything.
Now I know that you were the best person I’ve ever met. I know that a man like you will never cross my path again.
You were the only one who had any intention of giving me everything I ever wished for but, sadly, I didn’t know how to take it.
Now, I know everything. But it’s too late now. And there is nothing that can be done about it.