3 cosas que debes mantener en privado: Sólo te incumben a ti
There’s a saying that goes something like, “3 things to keep private are your love life, income and next move,” but life is undeniably more complicated than that.
Ser reservado sobre ciertas cosas es importante por razones que van más allá de mantener una sensación de misterio a tu alrededor y de que la gente diga que siempre los mantienes adivinando. Being private doesn’t mean hiding things. That’s a whole different story altogether.
De lo que realmente trata la privacidad es de proteger tus límites y valores. It’s about keeping the things that are nobody’s business but yours to yourself. Keeping your private life private is how you avoid falling into the trap of having to explain and justify things that matter to you to other people.
Aside from personal things to keep private, there’s another topic that you shouldn’t discuss with other people, and that’s cosas que no tienen nada que ver contigo. It’s the other side of being private – showing others the same courtesy.
Let’s see what you should view as classified information, what it is that leads to oversharing and how to stop yourself when the temptation strikes.
3 cosas que hay que mantener en privado
Keeping your personal life private isn’t the same as keeping it a secret. If something comes up in a meaningful context, compartirla con tus amigos más íntimos o con alguien a quien confíes este tipo de información está perfectamente bien.
Pero cuando sientes que algunas cosas de tu vida necesitan una explicación para que los demás te entiendan, puedes sentir la tentación de justificarte. If you regret it after telling someone a detail that you added without being asked about, you’re oversharing.
You’re aware that some fact or simply the amount you shared was excessive, even though at the moment it seemed like it was a way to connect to the other person.
If you share too much online, using social media as your personal diary, it’s even worse. Too many people have access to what you post and not all of them have good intentions. The small amount of pleasure you gain from likes, comments and engagement with your post isn’t worth the consequences you might face.
Estas son las 3 cosas que hay que mantener en privado: the things you don’t have to justify to anyone and that aren’t anyone’s business but yours.
1. Sus creencias
Ser auténtico y abierto es el camino para conectar con los demás. Esto es bien sabido, pero algunas personas confunden ser auténtico con divulgar todos los detalles personales a cualquiera que quiera escuchar. To be authentic, your beliefs and actions should match – you should live in line with your values instead of trying to please anyone.
This is why oversharing about all aspects of life is the opposite from being authentic. Using vulnerability to gain acceptance, sympathy, connection or anything else isn’t the same as actually being vulnerable.
Before you share with others, you must consider why you’re doing it. If you’re trying to gain something, you’re not being authentic. If you’re trying to build intimacy without laying a foundation first, you’re oversharing.
• Your religious views
Religion is considered a private topic by most people. Respect for other people’s views, their faith or lack thereof is the only thing that should concern you when it comes to religious beliefs that aren’t your own, and you should expect the same.
• Your choices
Your life choices might be objectively awful and still no one is entitled to criticize you about them. As an adult, your choices are your prerogative and your responsibility and you don’t need to discuss them with anyone.
• Your political views
Some people enjoy debating politics, but no discussion will change anyone’s mind. People have intense feelings about politics, so in certain situations your political views can cost you. It doesn’t mean that your political beliefs must be a secret, but make sure you choose who you share them with.
• Your acts of kindness
Be kind to make other people’s lives easier instead of using it as a tool to get ahead or get brownie points. Good deeds enrich the person who does them as much as they help the person who’s on the receiving end. No one needs to know about your charitable and noble actions, and bragging about them will make people dislike you.
2. Su estilo de vida
Your personal life is nobody’s business, no matter how convincing those who want to know it might be. If you feel the need to defend your choices, it’s either because you’re unsure of them yourself or someone else is judging you.
People who disapprove of everything that’s different from the way they live usually do it out of envy and unhappiness. Requests to share are usually invitations to explain and justify because they’re different.
Compartir datos personales debe considerarse un privilegio – you don’t owe it to anyone to know anything about you, let alone to try to make them understand why.
• Your finances
You might be broke or loaded, it doesn’t matter. Volunteering your financial status, especially to your extended family, will get you unwanted attention. If you have a lot in the bank, you might be expected to step up whenever someone needs it, and if you don’t, people you thought cared for you might magically disappear.
• Your problems
Your mistakes, resentments, conflicts, annoyances, everyday issues and long-term problems – unless you know for certain that the other person has your best interest in mind and is eager to help you, keep your worries to yourself.
Las excepciones son tu pareja, tus padres u otros familiares o amigos cercanos que te quieren y desean verte feliz.
• Your appearance
Some people believe that they’re entitled to comment on someone’s appearance, but the way you look outside is as private as what’s on the inside. No one has the right to an opinion on how you choose to present yourself or to decide what your appearance implies.
La gente suele pensar que su opinión sobre cualquier rasgo inusual, cosas que consideran poco atractivas, tatuajes o su peso es bienvenida, así que asegúrate de hacer valer tus límites cuando te molesten.
• Your time
How you spend your day or your future plans doesn’t matter – you don’t need to explain how you use your time to other people. This doesn’t mean refusing to answer when someone asks you what you did over the weekend, it means not having to justify it.
RELACIONADO: Vivir al día: el valor del hoy
3. Sus relaciones
Los detalles de tus relaciones son sólo entre tú y la otra persona implicada. Contar detalles a la gente sólo eleva el nivel de dramatismo e invita a la gente a entrometerse.. Por ejemplo, puede que su familia y sus seres queridos tengan en cuenta sus intereses, pero su implicación sólo puede causarle problemas con su pareja.
Las relaciones también son material privilegiado para los cotilleos, así que dar a otros acceso a las tuyas es darles algo que difundir aún más. Even if you’re sharing to get help solving problems, no one who isn’t part of the relationship can ever have the full picture.
• Your sexual preferences
Your sexual orientation, practices, choice of partner and your sex life in general is something you should always keep private. When you talk about it to people who aren’t involved in it, you’re either opening yourself to gossip or making the conversation awkward because it’s too much information.
• Your romantic relationships
Mantén alejados a los amigos y familiares entrometidos y trabaja en tu relación sólo con tu pareja, porque nadie más puede entenderlo. Mantén tu relación en privado.
La única excepción es si tienes problemas de pareja que deban tratarse en terapia. Entonces, por supuesto, debe intervenir tu consejero de pareja.
• Your parenting choices
How you raise your children is nobody’s business but yours and your children’s other parent’s. If you two agree, no one else’s opinions matter. Extended families protesting because of your kids’ bedtime or nutrition and telling you it’s okay if they watch another cartoon this once is meddling you should stop before it escalates.
• Your family relationships
Families argue, families love each other, sometimes families aren’t real families, and sometimes families break apart. The details of how you and family members function are known only to you, and people who aren’t a part of it shouldn’t get involved.
RELACIONADO: ¿Qué son las relaciones discretas? 11 razones para tener una
3 cosas que hay que guardarse para uno mismo
In addition to personal matters to keep private, there’s another category of topics you shouldn’t discuss with anyone: cosas que conciernen a otras personas. It includes both gossip about someone not involved in the conversation and comments about your conversation partner they didn’t ask for.
Talking about things that aren’t related to you is another form of oversharing and done out of the same motives, usually trying to connect to the person you’re talking to. The connection might happen – but it won’t last a very long time.
En su lugar, you’ll regret it because it will make your relationship with the person you gossip about unpleasant, even if they never find out. When it comes to the person you give an opinion they didn’t ask for, they’ll always view you as someone who looks down on them even if your opinion changes.
1. Other people’s business
Your conversation partner isn’t entitled to know any personal details about yourself and even less about other people. Cotillear y compartir cosas sobre los demás es un intento de establecer algún tipo de conexión o sentirse superior al sujeto de tus cotilleos.pero nada bueno saldrá de ello.
Sharing juicy details you know about others won’t help you make friends. Mentioning something about another person because you don’t know what to talk about doesn’t lead to connection. You’ll be known as a gossip and become a magnet for busybodies who don’t really care about you and you’ll hurt whoever you’re talking about.
2. Su juicio
Sharing your judgment and opinions about other people will make others dislike you, unless they’re judgmental themselves. Even then, esas personas sólo estarán cerca de ti por lo que obtienen de ti.
Keep your opinions about the person across the room private. Don’t talk about how wrong your friend is about their decision to another one of your friends. If you have negative personal feelings about someone, keep them to yourself.
Rude opinions and mean-spirited remarks about someone you don’t like doesn’t show them in a bad light, but you. Jokes at others’ expense and mocking them will only attract people who enjoy such things and want to share their toxic habits with you.
3. Consejos no solicitados
Tus reflexiones privadas sobre cómo debe actuar, parecer, vestirse, hablar, etc., deben quedarse en tu cabeza. Feeling entitled to tell people what to do if they haven’t asked you for advice makes it seem like you believe that you’re better than them: lo tienes todo resuelto y ahora puedes otorgarles tus conocimientos.
Ten cuidado incluso cuando la otra persona te pida tu opinión. A veces la gente sólo quiere que alguien le escuche porque ya sabe lo que tiene que hacer. If you’re dispensing advice, look at the other person’s body language to check if they’re eagerly listening or if they’re done after they told you about their problem.
Show respect to others you want to receive yourself and don’t underestimate their judgment by implying you know what’s good for them better than they do themselves.
3 razones por las que compartimos demasiado
Las razones por las que la gente comparte más de la cuenta suelen estar relacionadas con los límites. The importance of healthy boundaries to living a happy life can’t be overstated. Oversharing is also related to insecurity and competing with other people. This is futile and it will never give you the satisfaction you’re aiming for.
Try to understand why you overshare because once you know what you’re trying to achieve, it will be easier to stop.
1. Falta de límites
Conocer y hacer valer tus límites personales te protege a ti y a los demás. Oversharing violates both your own and the other person’s boundaries. The importance of having boundaries between you and other people is that they help you decide what you should or shouldn’t say.
Compartir demasiado aleja a la gente. You’ll be seen as a narcissist, inappropriate, awkward or fake instead of authentic and genuine. Trabajar en la comprensión de los límites es una parte importante del autodesarrollo que puede cambiar por completo tus relaciones personales.
Establecer límites in communication will make you a better listener and more attentive. Your first instinct shouldn’t be to respond to whatever other people say with details about yourself. Tener autocontrol, ser más reflexivo y dejar de responder inmediatamente mejorará tu comunicación y tus conexiones con los demás.
2. Soledad
If you don’t have anyone to talk a o personas que te entienden con las que puedes establecer un verdadero vínculo, intentar tomar un atajo y forzar una conexión puede ocurrir. Cada individuo necesita ser escuchado y visto. When you don’t have anyone who can give you that, it’s not unexpected to sometimes feel a little desperate.
Oversharing can come from the need to say “This is who I am and this is my story,” but it’s a misguided attempt to have anyone listen to you and give you attention. Doing it with the wrong people or at the wrong point in your relationship will make sure that you’re not really heard. When you share too soon, people get the wrong picture of you.
Knowing your life details, hopes and fears without having context about what you’re like as a person is more likely to lead to judgment than connection. You might feel connected for a moment, but it can’t last. Construye relaciones poco a poco: sé sincero y abierto sin mostrarte necesitado.
3. Inseguridad
La ansiedad y la baja autoestima son motivos comunes para compartir más de la cuenta. Todo el mundo quiere que su vida sea buena, así que miramos a nuestro alrededor para ver cómo son las vidas felices. If you’re comparing yourself with others instead of thinking what it is that makes you personalmente happy, you’ll be tempted to try to be like them.
Las cosas que haces revelan tus inseguridades. They create a desire to make your own life seem full and exciting, so you share details that you believe will make you seem interesting. What you’re forgetting is that a lot of people want to achieve the same thing, so they paint a picture by choosing what to share.
Esto es especialmente común en Internet. Las personas que parecen compartir toda su vida en las redes sociales te están engañando. They’re not sharing their personal details, they’re manufacturing an illusion of a perfect life. Un bloguero que habla de sus experiencias puede estar haciéndolo por las visitas y un influencer te está vendiendo una imagen.
Don’t succumb to the need to prove yourself by sharing personal information, because other people are only making you think they’re doing the same thing. En su lugar, busca cosas que te llenen de verdad y te hagan feliz.
3 consejos para no compartir más de la cuenta
Si tiendes a compartir más de la cuenta, puede que te resulte difícil dejar de hacerlo porque suele ocurrir sobre la marcha.
You’re talking to a co-worker about something work-related and it slips in that you’re on a diet. It doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal, but it opens you up to follow-up questions, judgment and opinions from someone who has nothing to do with you.
Aprender a elegir qué decir a quién requiere cierta práctica, pero resulta más fácil a medida que se hace. Prueba estos consejos para dejar de compartir más de la cuenta:
1. Practicar la atención plena
La única manera de dejar de compartir en exceso es ser consciente of your words. Think before you speak and don’t volunteer any information that wasn’t requested. Si lo fuera, considere detenidamente si la otra persona debería saberlo.
Is it someone you’re close to and is it something they should know about you? Unloading your problems on acquaintances will make things awkward and make them not want to build a deeper relationship with you.
2. Considerar la relevancia
Don’t underestimate the importance of any private information. La gente puede abusar de ti y juzgarte por los detalles más nimios y aparentemente irrelevantes.
Telling your co-worker in the example above that you’re trying to lose weight can lead to comments about whether or not you should do it, advice you don’t need, jealousy because you’re doing something they want to but aren’t, and even sabotage.
3. Piensa en los límites
Carefully consider both your own and the other person’s boundaries and what the consequences of oversharing might be. Do you really want your co-worker commenting on your lunch every day because they know you’re watching your weight?
Tener límites you’re able to assert relies on having healthy self-esteem. Oversharing will become less of a problem when you learn to trust yourself instead of having to rely on others for validation. Learn to accept your own decisions without needing anyone else’s input and advice.
No se meta en sus asuntos
Las 3 cosas que debes mantener en privado son tus creencias, tu estilo de vida y tus asuntos sentimentales. Que la gente sepa demasiado sobre estos temas te llevará a dudar de ti mismo, a cuestionar tus decisiones y a dar poder a otros sobre tu vida. Reclaim it by carefully choosing what they can be privy to and what’s your business only.
You should also refrain from talking about things that aren’t about you – gossiping about someone not present and giving others opinions they never asked for. Esos comentarios y conversaciones pueden hacerte sentir bien por un momento, pero a la larga sólo conseguirán que te desconectes o quedes a merced de personas que quieren abusar de esa información.
Keeping things private doesn’t mean you can never talk about your values and feelings – it means carefully picking who you share your precious privacy with, when and in what amount. You can connect with people by opening up, but you have to know when it’s time to share and when to stop yourself from trying to overshare.
